[Rach_emma90]

Hey my name is rachel and I am 19.
Am pretty unhappy at the moment and just plodding along, nothing seems to be making me happy except going out at weekends and getting wasted. Thing is I fell for a girl who I am pretty close to and we started getting with each other, it was mostly when we were drunk on nights out and it has been going on over the space of a year and a half, she moved away to universitvy last year but I still see her a lot it was hard enough when she moved away, and every time we kissed the next day it was like nothing had ever happened. Its been out 3months since she told me she just wanted to be friends, we hang around in the same group and have done for years, it just like it never happened were fine and still talk all the time, I haven't told anyone about the episode and she hasn't either she's not bothered I don't think, why would she? She moved away and got new friends and a new life, don't get me wrong she still comes home now and again and I go up and see her. Its eating me live and am dying inside, my close mates know there is something wrong the can just tell but how am I suppose to tell them? I just say its family stuff, really I want to scream it from the roof and sometimes I want the world to swallow me whole. Am really trying to forget about it and move on, but she is everywere I look little things remind me of her. Drinking olny hepls because I get oblitirated and can't talk,truth is I love and miss her, I just can't deal with it anymore. Any advice would be really helpful.

Thanks.

[amicon]

Stop the drinking as that is a depressant.

Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy.
It's important to stay active and allow the heartbreak to heal.
Do you work or are you at school?

[Rach_emma90]

Okay thanks, but yeah I work fultime

[neverme]

First of all I think going out and getting wasted isn't helping you in the slightest. Alcohol is a depressant and when you are already down it is not going to help.

I think that it is really crap that you had a relationship with someone and you now feel like this but, and not to be harsh, that is just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. I am assuming that you want to continue to have this group of friends and do not want to sacrifice them but I would stop going up to visit her, you are only hurting yourself. If you really need to be around her keep it as that, and stop putting yourself out there to be hurt by someone that either didn't or doesn't want to have the same feelings as you.

Have you dealt with your sexuality? Do you label yourself as straight/bi/gay? If you haven't dealt with this then you need to sooner rather than later.

Seeing a counselor would help you tremendously. Just getting everything off your chest in a face to face conversation and do the world of good, and they can help you to get through this tough time. Also, don't forget that there is a good community of very nice and helpful people here from all walks of life, and all corners of the earth. It can
Really help to come on here and just even vent. :)

Other than that I think you need to start getting new realms to your life. Take up a new activity where you will meet new people.

You are strong enough to get through this, you just need to prove that to yourself.

[amicon]

What about hobbies?

Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page-there is lots of good advice there how to get over someone.

[Rach_emma90]

Thank you for your help, guess your right its just harder than I thought it would be! And no I haven't labelled myself yet, my heads all over the place

[talaniman]

Drinking is a depressant, made worse by holding back some strong feelings. I would suggest a more balanced approach to your life like more friends who do different things besides drinking on the weekend. Maybe you can talk soberly with this girl, but must at some point face the fact that she may not see things the way you do, or feel as you do and has no plans of repeating what she may see as drunk behavior.

You can clear the air so you can move on but decisions made under the influence rarely mean a lot, or have any hope of bearing fruit later.

Being drunk causes its own problems, and solves nothing. When the hangover fades, the problems are still there, big as ever.

[neverme]

I would really get into some counseling and try to figure out where you are, with that clarity you will be able to see your life for the wondrous endless amount of endless possibilities it is!

And that this girl, great or not, is just one girl.

[Jake2008]

A partner who is a heavy drinker, and socially stuck in one place, is not exactly a good impression for a long term relationship.

Instead of the way things are/were with her, when you do meet up again, why not do something different and show her that you are more than a one horse pony.

Plan something that doesn't involve drinking. Anything. A walk in the park, plan a picnic. A museum, plan lunch. Dinner with a movie out.

Wishful thinking does not a relationship make. Changing yourself in a more obvious way gives a whole new perspective from the outside, in.

You could spend your time moping about worrying about what could have been, and lamenting about what you've lost, OR, you could snap yourself out of this funk, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and think about yourself in a different way, and work hard to achieve a healthier person. And a healthier outlook.

One partner does not a relationship make, nor does it define who you are. Nor should one partner knock you into a destructive tailspin.

Take a good look at what you are doing, put the memories away, and start living again.

[Romefalls19]

See a counselor for your drinking problem, alcohol is a depressant and you only compound things when you have a heavy head with it.