[gwynso]

I'm meeting guys... and am actually good at making pleasant and warm connection, I longed for someone who is a boyfriend-material and doesn't only want a physical contact with me, I look fine, charming, pleasant and warm, smart, very humorous, and am more a flirty conversationalist when I like to be with the guy. I can get a guy. But how come its difficult for me to be involved seriously after I knew its getting deeper? Am straight and I know I'm certainly want a guy. How can I overcome it... I seriously want some change because am getting old.

[QLP]

What stops it getting to the serious stage? Is it you who backs off or the guy?

Is it possible that you are afraid of commitment or that you are coming across as a bit too keen and scaring them?

Sorry but it is hard to tell from your post where the problems begin.

[gwynso]

That's what am trying to figure out myself, I don't know what stops or slows me down. It's me who often backs off when I feel the guy is with me... and wants to know me more. I don't scare them off. In fact I can attract the guy more closer if I want. I sometimes feel so afraid to let myself completely open. I ve never been so broken hearted nor I trully love someone fully. Maybe am too selfish to show myself. Am very independent, I can live on my own. I have friends and I laugh hard with them. But I can't understand why it feels hurt to think I'm making a mess out of myself like this by not completely opening my life to someone. I feel sad.

[Jake2008]

It seems you enjoy the hunt, but don't know what to do with the prey!

Why not consider just simple conversation without worrying about whether he is 'the one', and sizing him up with that in mind.

There are many men out there who may come across as not relationship material, but a quick assessment is often wrong.

Many things affect a first impression.

It may be fear, yes, but fear of what. If you don't take a chance, and go on a few dates with a man you have attracted, then how will you ever know if you are comfortable enough to open up.

My husband made a really, really bad impression on me. First time I saw him he was staggering out of church still drunk from the night before. My friends pushed and pushed, and finally I dated him.

It's now 33 1/2 years later believe it or not. The jerk turned out to be a really great person.

Give them a chance, particularly one on one time over dinner or movies. Get to know a person first as a friend, and you will know soon enough if there is more than friendship going on.

Life is too short. Take a few risks.

[QLP]

Are you afraid that when they get to know the 'real' you they won't be so interested so you back off before they get the chance to do so?

The way you describe yourself makes you sound very nice but it is also a lot of the things we display when we first meet someone. Most of us are aware we have a few negatives as well. Maybe it's being a grumpy sort on a morning. Or getting ratty when someone leaves a mess in our space. Or whatever. Are you scared that when someone sees you 'warts and all' they won't find you quite so charming? Nobody is perfect but we all appear at our best in the early stages of a relationship so maybe the prospect of getting to the less perfect stage is worrying you.

This might be completely wrong but just a starting point to chew over..

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the love Q, but that is a very good point to ponder.

[Gemini54]

Perhaps you're afraid of failure. Deep down you want the perfect BF, and the perfect relationship and you're scared of trying or taking the risk to go deeper.

Perhaps you're afraid of being hurt. Again you want to be certain that a BF is 'the one', so that you know for certain he won't hurt you, and you can ride off into the sunset with him.

Life is about trying and about taking risks. It's always a gamble to give your heart to someone, and you rarely know exactly what the outcome will be. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn't - you know what they say, you've got to be in it to win it.

It's good to examine your fears, and it's even more fun examining them with someone else. Try to see guys as just another human being with the same fears as you. Get to know them as friends, as people. Perhaps then, getting to know them better won't seem so scary.

[gwynso]

Hey guys... thank you for all your feedbacks... I really appreciate! I need more motivation to encourage myself to take risks I think... I guess it s me who is making myself difficult. I should turn into the positive outlook in this aspect! Thanks for the push! :-)