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Presleygall85 · Sep 27, 2006, 11:18 AM

OK now that I know a little more information here is my opioion...
NEVER judge someone by there past... it has nothing to do with you!! It should not effect your relationship with him.
But let me tell you why I say that to you, Remember how I told you I had to go through the same thing you are going through with my Finance..?. well I had bad issues as well I was pure and I hated the fact that he wasn't but I loved everything about him... I went snooping about a year and a half into hour relationship and found a picture of his ex hanging inside his safe.. 1 1/2 later... I was mortified!! That is along time to have his pictures of his ex... so I confronted him about it... he told me straight out... she was his first love and he couldn't bring himself to throw it away yet... well I was pissed because 2 months into our relationship he found all my pictures of my ex and he ripped them up and threw them away in front of me... so I was mad and I told him I didn't like the fact that he still had that picture especially hanging up... I mean at least your boyfriends pictures are in a drawer.. well to make this very long story short he burned it in front of me to let me know he was over her... (by the way him and his girlfriend never broke up... her dad hated him and so her dad sent her away with out even saying goodbye or anything... so that is a really HURTful situation)

So he may have loved her ( she was his first)
So he may still have a little bit of feelings for her.. that is OK.. the whole big point here is that he is with YOU no one else just you!! You can ask him why he still has pictures of them together and you can tell him you don't like it.. but let him get rid of them in his own time...

Just keep telling yourself HE IS WITH YOU NOW NOT HER..

Wildcat21 · Sep 27, 2006, 11:21 AM

Let it go. Who cares about her - she was an ex and 2 years is a pretty long time.

Is he with her now? No. It's broken for a reason.

momincali · Sep 27, 2006, 11:49 AM

Get past it. Pictures are a funny thing, they bring back memories of the way you used to feel about a person at that time. He may be fond of the way he felt when he was with her, so what, that's in his past, akuna matata!

Live in the now, be with him, mind and soul now, don't let an ex blow it for you. Don't worry about the sleeping with him part, even if he does come to expect it, you do what is right for you, which seems to be remaining pure until you're old enough and in a committed relationship. Remember, giving yourself like that is a once in a lifetime and it comes with risks, risks of being hurt, getting pregnant and regret. Don't do anything you're not ready for.

chuff · Sep 27, 2006, 01:33 PM

It sounds like you worry too much. Just take it as it comes.

talaniman · Sep 27, 2006, 07:19 PM

Either enjoy the fact that the two of you are together or leave the poor guy alone. He is not the problem, nor is his ex. YOU are.

cherryblossom · Dec 19, 2006, 12:18 PM

Okay, yeah I've been dating this guy for... 7 months now. & I have YET to get over his past relationship with his previous girl before me because they were each other's FIRST. He says that he doesn't think about her anymore & doesn't care about her.. but still... I just think that whenever THAT TIME comes for me & him... then it's not going to mean as much because he's already experienced it with another girl... so can anyone give me some good advice? I have to get over this. But its so hard to let it go because I can just close my eyes at night & see them two together!! It's killing me inside... urgh.

snowman · Dec 19, 2006, 12:28 PM

If it bugs ditch him if you haven't had sex yet you obviously don't know what he is thinking about but if the last girl was his first I guarantee he will be thinking of her

cherryblossom · Dec 19, 2006, 12:29 PM

I can't ditch him. I'm head over heels in love with him.

snowman · Dec 19, 2006, 12:46 PM

Have you been with another man

cherryblossom · Dec 19, 2006, 12:54 PM

No I haven't.

liza1026 · Dec 20, 2006, 05:09 PM

I WAS IN THIS SAME SITUATION! I went out with a guy for about 7 months, and I knew it was our time, but he had already lost his virginity to his last girlfriend of about 2 months. I was so upset because wanted it to be special for him--i felt the same way as you do now. First off, make sure you are READY to lose it to him and you know he's the one. Did he love his last girlfriend? How long did they go out? How often did they do it? Do you love each other?

major_soccer_freak · Dec 21, 2006, 04:31 PM

If you really love him as much as you say you do then if you think its going to last go for it. It's hard to get those things out of your head but in time they will fade away slowly, try talking to him about it and when the time comes, make sure the time is right and you know its going to last forever before you do it. Good luck!

cherryblossom · Dec 29, 2006, 10:27 AM

Okay Guys.
I Am 100 % In Love With This Guy.
We've Been Dating For 7 Months.
& I Can't See Myself With Anyone Else.

Yesterday I Made A Mistake.
A Couple Of Years Ago... I Fell In Love With This Guy. [ My First Love ]
Yesterday He Asked Me To Go Get Some Coffee With Him. You Know, Just To Sit Down & Talk. Since We Haven't In Awhile.
I Agreed To Go.

Once I Got Up To Leave..
He Kissed Me.
I Feel Horrible.
I Feel Like I've Cheated On My Boyfriend Who I Love More Than Anything In This Entire World.
& The Girl That He Is Dating Now Is One Of My Really Really Good Friends.
Should I Tell Her?
Should I Tell My Boyfriend?
Help..!

BlazingCold · Dec 29, 2006, 10:39 AM

Be honest and tell your boyfriend everything. It will hurt, and your boyfriend won't be too happy, but it will save you from the soul-killing guilt that will consume you if you don't tell him.

mscassandra · Dec 29, 2006, 10:46 AM

Your better off to tell them right now and explain it meant nothing and that you didn't want to kiss him but it happened. That you backed away and felt horrible, because if they find out by someone else their going to think the reason you didn't tell them is because it meant something to you.

tamed · Dec 29, 2006, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by BlazingCold

Be honest and tell your bf everything. It will hurt, and your bf won't be too happy, but it will save you from the soul-killing guilt that will consume you if you don't tell him.

This is a confusing one. On the one hand if you tell him, you will no longer feel guilty and you won't be giving your ex a chance to control your relationship with the guy you love and after all the kiss wasn't your fault, it couldn't be helped. On the other hand, I wonder if you told your boyfriend that you were meeting up with this guy in the first place and if you didn't then why? It could be that your ex still has a hold on you and you will need to deal with that, this doesn't change the fact that you love your boyfriend, there may just be a few things to deal with to ensure that this situation doesn't happen again.

ordinaryguy · Dec 29, 2006, 10:52 AM

Did you kiss him back, long and sweet, and with feeling, or was it just that he planted a little peck on you before you knew what was happening? If the latter, don't torture yourself and don't tell anybody, just be on your guard and don't let him get away with it again. If the former, you need to seriously examine your heart and mind, and if you have been harboring feelings for him, maybe you need to back off from both relationships for awhile and decide who you really love.

richsaha2007 · Dec 29, 2006, 01:03 PM

This is indeed a sticky situation. First of all, when he kissed you did you kiss him back?
If you did kiss him back, you should feel guilty. Maybe you feel guilty because you didn't confront your ex about kissing you. Bottom line, if you kissed him back, you should tell your boyfriend.He has the right to know.
On the other hand, if you didn't kiss him back, you were caught off guard. So, it is not your fault. If you didn't kiss him back then do not mention it to your boyfriend. You must tell him you went out with your ex to cover yourself. You never know when it might pop up again.
As for your friend, I probably wouldn't tell her. Since it wasn't your fault, you shouldn't tell her because she will probably blame you

eisforx · Dec 29, 2006, 02:21 PM

Well your first mistake, was not to tell your boyfriend that you were going to see your ex boyfriend. (if you didn't)

2. if you just let your ex boyfriend kiss you and you didn't say anything.

You have to tell your boyfriend, tell him you didn't want to kiss him, but he kissed you. And apoligize if you didn't tell him that you were going to see him, since you thought he'd get mad and say no. well if he said no, maybe you could listen to your boyfriend. But then your boyfriend can't tell you who to be friends with. However, he tells you no, because see what happened, what your boyfriend would fear happened.

So you're in a bad situation, but you have to tell your boyfriend and work things out. And also stay away from ex for a while and you'll see how your feelings for him will die slowly. But every time he tries to talk to you or you see him, everything will come back.

Ooops richsaha2007 I thought you said not to tell HIM!
I read wrong sorry.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2006, 09:47 AM

Be honest and don't make a big deal out of nothing and if he makes a big deal out of it let him stew in his own juice and be sorry later. Love is understanding, not blaming.