[meowmixconfused]

Ok so I'm not really sure how start this, but basically me and this guy has been going out since May 9, 2006 (I'm currently 19) and maybe we should've just left it as a "high school sweetheart" thing, but we love each other very much and we pretty much do anything for each other. Well the thing is, you know your typical disney story... well that's pretty much us (if anything we're mainly like Beauty and the Beast, or Charmed) yea I pretty much just referred to that because we are completely opposite (he's southern (white)pessimistic, mama's boy, and pretty much an , and I'm a city girl (black and mexican), optimistic, somewhat a "party girl", and fairly sweet and sensitive) That's clashed a few times but nothing really big because for some reason, we were really into each other. Anyway, we've tried getting engaged a few times, and actually went once sometime during the end of 08 to try to get married but since we went pretty much clueless, we didn't you need a marriage license. On jan 09 we got married, we didn't tell anyone (why,idk) but along with it of course came lots of drama ( I told my mom like the next day) and no we didn't even get to live together because "he'd feel feel awkward living with my mom" and no neither of us had a job so we couldn't get a place of our own... so in Feb (yea a month later) we get divorced... he comes with his dad to pick me up and take me to the place to get a divorce... of course I was against it but he kind of bribed me (which never even came thru) so we get the divorce and he goes off to basic training for the AF on May 12. I don't talk to him until sometime in early Ausgust (after he graduated BT) and we try to work things out-first talking, then tried long distance relationship. It got kind of rocky sometime in October but it was going really well in late November/early December (knowing that he would be visiting for the holidays and during this time, things were so good, we were actually talking about getting engaged while he was here. Of course I got all excited and I told him I was going to start making plans and we even made a date... That's right we were planning on getting remarried on May 9, 2010 (4 yrs on the date we got together). So I have no idea what happened while he was here, but it was a big mess... first you want to know what my present was- it was him and a hotel... I figured the hotel could be at least romantic somewhat after we did stuff or before but no... he fell asleep and if that's not bad enough, he wakes me up at 8 in the morning saying his mom wants him home... sorry my past few yrs has basically been like a book, but my current situation out of all this (besides the fact that I know I should probably let him go and I can't), he's still in tech school due to a fracture which is preventing him from graduating and I'm still at home and we had a bad break up before he went back... but he actually called a few days after a got there and appologized for everything he said and did and I just don't know what to do.. I mean I still love him but my heart is far beyond broken and what 19 yr would be able to cope with a 1 month marriage.. I know I pretty much need a therapist by now and this is no substitute but I could really use any advise on not whether I should let him go, but how to maybe make this relationship work, or maybe I should just let him go...

[snowfall]

That sounds like me and my current boyfriend, although I think between me and him the love we share is more than a little one-sided. I know that you really want to hold onto him and every time you guys get back together you always think that it just might work this time and there's always a little bit of hope that things might be different. But don't you feel hurt every time it doesn't work out? I'm so tired of disappointment and right now I know that the best thing I can do is to break up with him- if it hasn't woked after this many tries, then when will it stat to work? Stop hurting yourself by having this on and off thing with him. It really does sound like you love him a lot, but like you said, no one wants a 1 month marriage. Haha, you don't need a therapist, you just love him too much. It will hurt to let go, but make it clear to him that you want to break up, don't give him any hope that there's still a chance of getting back together, because then things will just start all over again. And I know many guys say that they will change, but think about it: you've given him so many chances, has he changed? You're still in an on and off relationship with him and your getting hurt. True, you don't want to hurt him either, but what's the point of waiting around and feeling depressed over this issue all the time? Or crying at night wondering is he loves you the way you love him? The choice is yours to make, but if you chose to stay with him, then must accept that the way things are an all the complications and heartachs is what your relationship is going to be, and don't complain about it because you can end it anytime. It's like between me and my boyfriend, there are times when everything is wonderful but that's why it hurts so much worse, because when I get betrayed by him or when arguments break out my hopes that something could have changed are ruined; and for what? Just so I can let it happen all over again? I'm so tired of it, aren't you?
You deserve to be in a stable relationship with someone who will do more for you and love you so much more then your current boyfriend.
You will find someone better :] you just have to let yourself

[amicon]

Time shut the door for good,and lock it.
Tell him you're through-and mean it.

[meowmixconfused]

Thanks, it kind of helped. I mean it gave me more to think about. I still think I might need a therapist though lol.

[HistorianChick]

Yes, you may need a therapist, but what you certainly need is a decisive attitude.

You control your life, not this guy, not your parents, but you. You've been through a whole lot of junk for/with this guy. It is time to, as they say in the South, "fish or cut bait."

In my opinion, you need to talk to him, openly and honestly, about what you're feeling (feelings that you have every right to feel). If I was you, I'd tell him that you're in it for good, or you're out.

He needs to decide if he wants to pursue a relationship with you, not leave you hanging. Yes, he has seen a lot, yes, he's been through BT and an injury, yes, his parents are controlling, but HE has to make a choice. He's a man; let him make up his mind.

But, you have to be prepared for him to say that he is not ready. If that is the case, you need to let him go. It hurts too much to keep hanging on, doesn't it? So, you need to say, "I can't do this anymore. Either we commit, or we are done."

That's the best way in my opinion. Or, you can simply tell him that you're done and deserve a man that can love you for YOU, all the time, and commit to a stable relationship.

I wish you the best.

[meowmixconfused]

Thank you so much for the help... unfortunately stupid me didn't listen and accepted his apology thinking it was actually going to work out and maybe we were moving in the right direction... well everything was actually going real well until tonight, where out of nowhere he started cussing me out saying that he wishes the wreck I was in was worse than it was (I got in a minor fender bender on my way home today) and I really don't know where this is coming from but this is the 4th and hopefully the last time I get heartbroken by him. How can I be in love with such an ? And yes snowfall, I am tired of it, and now I'm officially over it.

[amicon]

Have nothing more to do with the waste of space.
I hope you move on and eventually meet a real guy!