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aamir1234 · Jan 6, 2010, 10:46 PM

How to improve my relationship with my relative? She is my cousin's daughter. My cousin, that is her mother expired when she was a child. She is raised by her father. Her father got married to another lady. Then the relationship broke. Now her father stays with his children . She has 1 own brother and 2 step brothers. She has done LLB and wants to do LLM and wants to become a judge. I met her after a very long time after almost 20 years. She started messaging me and we just became friends by sending messages. She asked about my education, my family my date of birth etc. I also asked her about her personal life. Later I proposed her she did not accept it neither did she deny it. She told that if her father agrees she does not have any problem in marrying me. But she also said that she does not believe in love. I took a chance by messaging her "i love you good nite" she did not get angry. She just messaged me "ok. gud nite." I tried to force her but she got wild when she learnt that I have stopped eating. She told me that she will never talk to me if I do that. I was also ready to end our relationship. Then I assured her that I would be her friend. The she started to talk to me.

Now she calls me messages me in the night till she sleeps. I also talk to her. She also spoke to my dad my dad told her that we are interested in her. She told my dad that she had some responsibilities towards her step brothers and almost till 5 years she is not ready to marry. She also told that her father has told her to concentrate on her work and not to worry about her marriage . Then my dad told her that we are ready to wait for her.
Now how to make her understand that I love her? I am confused what is in her mind I do not know? Please help me out……

Metalhead11592 · Jan 7, 2010, 07:33 AM

Dear Aamir1234,
Sounds like a tight situation that your in, If you want to know what's in her mind why don't you ask her. If she's considering marrying you then she is interested in you, but if she wants to go to college then you should respect her wishes to educate herself to better herself for the future. I believe that its something that love is something that should be felt mutually. If she doesn't love you, you should try to talk to her about that and ask her why she doesn't believe in love. Maybe there was a tramatic event in her life that caused her to try to numb her emotions.

cdad · Jan 7, 2010, 05:12 PM

What country are you in ? In many states you can't get married because your first cousins.

Metalhead11592 · Jan 7, 2010, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

What country are you in ? In many states you can't get married because your first cousins.

Actually it's the cousin's daughter so that's the 2nd cousin not the 1st cousin.

Gemini54 · Jan 9, 2010, 12:34 AM

Look, I'm assuming you asked her to marry you so soon because that's acceptable in your culture.

However, regardless of what is acceptable in your culture, this woman is saying she's not interested in marriage at this point in time. You can't MAKE someone be interested in you, and if you want them to like you then you must stop hassling them. I suspect she's not ready yet and she's only saying things to please you. If you're uncertain then ask her straight out.

Also, have you actually met this person, or have you only been communicating by phone and text?

In any case, my advice is back off. Continue to have a friendship with her, don't hassle her about marriage and let her decide.