[mango99954me]

I am getting married next week. Do you think it is important to tell my fiance' that my house is in foreclosure, and that my car is about to be repossed before we get married or should I just say I am having financial troube right now

[tickle]

Come clean and give him details ! So you both can sit down and deal with it properly and together. Was this a fast wedding, because why doesn't he know this stuff about you already??

Tick

[artlady]

I think you need to be totally honest and I am surprised that he doesn't know already.

What kind of communication do you two have that something of this magnitude has been kept a secret?

Not a good way to begin a marriage ,if you ask me.

[tickle]

artlady, I couldn't give you a greenie, it said I had to spread rep around, although I don't remember giving you one in a while ! Whatever. Yes I know, you wouldn't copy, it is just a plausible answer... how could he not know ! Must be a short relationship.

Tick

[Catsmine]

I am getting married next week. Do you think it is important to tell my fiance' that my house is in forclosure, and that my car is about to be repossed before we get married or should I just say I am having financial troube right now

You MUST tell your fiance' about your fiscal troubles. In some places foreclosure is grounds for annulment. If you love this person why would you want to ruin them financially?

Are you looking for some sort of "Sugar Daddy" to get you out of your mess? They call that something other than "marriage."

[HistorianChick]

Ummm... yes. You need to tell him. This kind of stuff should be discussed WAY before the wedding, but since they weren't, you need to tell him ASAP.

[Synnen]

I hope that your wedding is a courthouse wedding that cost you absolutely NOTHING but the cost of the marriage license and the fee for the marriage.

Because if you are spending ANY money on a wedding when your house is in foreclosure and your car is about to be repossessed, well... I won't resort to name calling. Let's just say you have had a recent loss of all of your wits.

YES, you tell your fiancé. He (she?) deserved to know this WELL before it was this bad. And YOU deserve his (her?)anger (and possible calling off the wedding) for keeping something this huge from him (her?).

[mango99954me]

Well I told her that I was running out of money. But I did not give details.because it does not matter I love her and don't want to loose her

[Synnen]

We're telling you that you WILL lose her if you don't tell her.

If nothing else, you're LYING to her.

What kind of foundation is that for a marriage? Would you like it if she lied to you about something important that will affect you? Let's say she's pregnant by someone else, or has kids she didn't tell you about, or can never have kids when she knows you want them.

Don't you think you'd feel betrayed?

[Catsmine]

Well I told her that I was running out of money. But I did not give details.because it does not matter I love her and don't want to loose her

Do you think you can keep her by hiding this from her and ruining her credit?

Grow up, boy. Think about her instead of yourself. Your moral bankruptcy will drive her away faster than any money problems.

[smokedetector]

That is something you should have discussed with her shortly after the proposal at the latest. You're about to merge your lives together, and she has a right to know about this as it will affect her directly once you are married. If she loves you, she might look past you not telling her sooner, but even if she loves you you should expect her to get angry when you tell her. However, it is much better, IMO, to have her find out now and leave than for her to find out once you are married and leave. You are much better off telling her sooner rather than later or having her find out on her own.

[mango99954me]

Thanks to every one that has taken time to give me advice. I hope I don't loose her. I also need to tell her that I have another child that was born while we were dating this is really hard for me.

[Fr_Chuck]

Have you know her a week before you asked them to marry you?

For heavens sake there is no way at all you are ready to get married, esp next week, I would set the date back about 6 months and take time to know each other.

You need to date, talk and know everything about each other..

[Catsmine]

Thanks to every one that has taken time to give me advice. I hope I don't loose her. I also need to tell her that I have another child that was born while we were dating this is really hard for me.

You need your marriage license suspended. Seriously, don't get married.

[Alty]

Thanks to every one that has taken time to give me advice. I hope I don't loose her. I also need to tell her that I have another child that was born while we were dating this is really hard for me.

Another child? How many do you have?

Tell her! How the hell did you pull the wool over this girls eyes for so long? Does she not know you at all?

You have no business getting married. Heck, you shouldn't even be dating, much less reproducing!

Who does this? Who even has to ask if this is okay? Do you not have any common sense?

[Jake2008]

Had you taken a marriage prep course, you would know that disclosure of financial matters, good and bad, are necessary to start with a clean, honest slate. Because both parties need to understand the other's expectations, spending habits, expectations, debt, etc. Not disclosing this information, is not providing the detail needed to get a clear picture of where you will start financially, together.

As to having another child she is not aware of is also something that you need to tell her. She needs to know that you will have a relationship with that child, and his/her mother, for at least 18 years- of her life too. To disclose this after marriage does not give her the opportunity to know what the arrangements are, whether she can accept another responsibility in her life, and whether she wants to be a step mother.

Overall, what you are taking from her is choice. By keeping the truth from her, she cannot fully know what she is getting herself into. She needs to know to make a choice whether she wants to marry you, or marry you right away, or leave the relationship entirely.

That is not something you have to question, whether to tell her. You have a moral obligation to disclose what you have said here. She deserves to know the truth. All of it.

If you think keeping this information from her is the way to ensure she will marry you, you are going to find out the hard way that it is never a good idea to marry somebody under false pretense.

You are far better to spill the beans, allow her time to process the information, and trust that she appreciates your honesty and works through the problems with you. Before you marry her.

[artlady]

You have cheated on this woman and had a child with another woman,you are lying about your finances ,yes,omitting truth is lying.And you need to ask if that is O.K.

I think you know that it is most certainly NOT O.K. and that is why you asked the question.

Do you have any respect for her at all or is it all about you?

If you are worried about losing her ,NOW is the time to come clean because after the wedding she is going to be livid and may very well divorce you because you deliberately betrayed her.

Tell her now and you may stand a chance to save the relationship but if you wait ,you are showing her so much disrespect ,she may never forgive you.

The bottom line is she is going to feel like she can't trust you and no trust is no relationship.

Stop thinking about yourself and do the right thing and prove that you love her by showing her the respect she deserves.