[limpingghost]

Basically here is how it goes. I met her in my office and we use to talk professionally in office. After sometime we started talking to each other on a personal level and chat using text messages a lot. We almost started sleeping for about 2 hours a day because we had to chat or talk. In the meantime she told me that she has a boyfriend for the last 2 years and was really committed to him and I am a very good friend. I asked her whether she talks to her other friends as much as well? She said not all but yes there is a friend with whom she used to. We continued to talk and I continued to grow fond of her. I used to mildly flirt with her as well and she quite naturally enjoyed that. One day as she mentioned her boyfriend, I confessed that I don’t like when she feels so strongly for her boyfriend because I am in love with her now.

To this she said that we should then stop talking to each other because there is no point in me feeling this way for her. We had previously planned to meet outside for the first time and we were supposed to meet the next day. I asked her to meet me so that we can talk on a personal level. When we met she said this is awkward and I shouldn’t have felt like this for her. We had a long discussion and she said I have no reason to be in love with you when I am in love with someone else. I kind of panicked and said OK then lets at least continue to be friends and continue the way it is as long as it goes and then when it cannot be continued we will move our own ways.

We kept talking to each other at length and I started flirting with her quite obviously. Her boyfriend during this time stays out of town and they only used to be in tough over phone calls. Around after 5 months her boyfriend was supposed to come to town for around 10 days and I was feeling bad about this. I told her that I cannot talk to you then because I will be feeling bad. But when the time came we didn’t stop. After her boyfriend came for the first day he did not come to meet her but the second day they met and she forgot to wish me “Good Morning”, which was a routine we were following for some time. In the evening I did not pick her call for several time and when I finally did she said we have to stop. Today you got hurt and I cannot bear that. We had a long discussion and I didn’t want to but we stopped talking to each for about 4 days and then one day she messaged me that she has almost broken up with her boyfriend because she foolishly told him that she is getting attracted to me and that she had lied that her boyfriend doesn’t like her talking to me. It was just a fear in her that she would fall for me. But now he has left and she was completely heart broken. I called her up and consoled her and stop her from doing something stupid. We spoke for the whole night and she said she had to go to office because otherwise she will kept thinking about him. She went to office and left doing a half day. Her boyfriend came back and told her he cannot live without her and they got back together. I felt pretty bad about this whole thing and asked her what was the whole attraction thing and falling for me thing. To this she said she was confused. We had a fight over this. She had earlier come to meet me at my place and spend some time with me (We did not have sex). After some days of the fight I asked to come again and she came to my place. We were having a great time and when I tried to kiss her, she got put off and we again had a fight and stopped talking. We slowly resumed talking to each other again after about a month and it again we started to do the same thing again.

In the meanwhile I realized that her boyfriend who is pursuing higher education doesn’t give her much time. In fact even when we had come earlier he did not meet her for the first day and a day in between. This was kind of weird for such a strong relationship. I always avoided talking about this but this time I said that I feel her boyfriend doesn’t really feel for her the way she does. She was having differences with her boyfriend and was really upset. While this was going on she came to meet me again and this time we made love. While she was going back she said she felt guilty because she was cheating on her boyfriend and was not sure about me. We spoke for a while and then I asked her to meet me again. She agreed but after a couple of days she said she was feeling guilty about the way she had been behaving off late and she need a day to be alone and think clearly. I gave her the space and then she called me back. While we were talking she told me she has decided to go single. She believer her boyfriend is two timing on her and she cannot be sure about me. She had not been sure about me for an entire year so can never be, so when she comes we should not make lover and this would be last time she would be coming to meet me. She said she would rather be single now and in future if she finds someone she can be sure about she may have a relationship with her but not me because she just doesn’t feel for me that ways!!

To this I said this is no obligation you may not come this time as well. We hadn’t been talking to each other since then and its been 10 days and I am still miserable.. I am not sure what is going through her head and how to get my head in focus. If she didn’t love me, why did she sleep with me and what was the whole thing about telling her boyfriend that she is getting attracted to someone. I mean I don’t know but for the first time I am unable to figure things out for myself.

[amicon]

You stick with the nc and move on with your life,she's told you that she wants to be single and you have to accept that.

Let it be a lesson to not mess around with girls who cheat on their boyfriends.

[J. Sparks]

You shouldn't have told her you love her too early.
You probably scared her off.
You should tell her something like that in 12 months when after there's a firm foundation.
Live and learn. She probably doesn't know what she wants anyway and you gave her some excitement and attention, but she didn't want anything serious.

[Gemini54]

I'm sorry, but I think you're a predator.

You stalked, her, flirted with her, flattered her and waited. You knew she had a BF and yet you persisted in your quest to win her over... (she reciprocated and why wouldn't she? You sound like a consummate charmer).

You tried to seduce her, and she resisted.

You waited until she was vulnerable after the difficulties with her BF and then you pounced and got what you wanted.

But, she's turned the tables. Now she's not so sure. After all, you were pursuing her when she was attached, what's to say you won't do the same thing with someone else?

You convinced her you were attractive, she fell for the bait, now she's uncertain. You were never her BF, just the guy waiting in the wings.

It's called karma. Next time choose someone that's available.

[latanyabelt]

I think you better let it go!! Looks like another love T.K.O.

[Romefalls19]

She has a boyfriend, I stopped reading after that. Just like you should have stopped talking to her romantically.

[I wish]

Sounds like you're trying really hard to do the right thing in a complicated and messy situation. I know you want to be the good guy in this case, but the main points are:

1) She has a boyfriend

2) You have romantic feelings for her

3) You've made attempts to be with her (i.e. letting her know how you feel and trying to kiss her), by trying to kiss her, you're basically asking her to cheat on her boyfriend

4) She already knows how you feel about her, yet you keep pushing your feelings onto her

5) She emotionally cheats on her boyfriend

6) You're trying to make her choose you over her boyfriend

It's time for you to take a few steps back and lower this girl from your pedastol. It's also time for you to look yourself in the mirror and realize that you're being a predator in attempting to steal someone else's girlfriend.

Again, she already knows how you feel, if she wanted something more, she would let you know. If she comes back to you and only treats you like a good friend, then that's what you are, a good friend.

[talaniman]

I am glad she finally got the good common sense to do away with both you losers. Good for her, as neither of you was doing her any good, or acted in a loving way in her interest.

She needed a friend but you took advantage of her for your own selfish purpose and showed no respect to what she needed. You didn't care about undermining her own concerns, so now she is gone, friend, lover, colleague.

You'll figure it out and either do better or keep being a loser.

[limpingghost]

Okay thanks everyone for clarifying. You said I was the predator and so I stayed away from her. However about a month later she proposed to me. She said that she loves me and wanted to go on date with me. I asked her what about her boyfriend. So she said she doesn't want to be with him. He is in town for four months but she is not going out with him but she hasn't communicated to him as yet that she doesn't want to continue with him. So I say I cannot be sure. She kept saying every day that she loved me and on the fourth day she told her boyfriend that she doesn't want to be with him. So he creates a havoc. He says he will kill himself etc, etc. if she leaves him. She said to me she doesn't love him but she does care about him still. She doesn't want him to do anything because of her. So it continues. In the meanwhile since she showed a sort of commitment to me by telling boyfriend that she loves me. I accept her proposal. But she was unable to let go of him. In this whole period she met him twice. (as in went out with him). About 10 days later and this time around I don't know what happened but he did not throw tantrums but just said he will wait for her. So she calls me and says she thought if he left her she would be fine but now she is feeling very low so she is not sure again who she feels about. I am pretty much back again. I am again not contacting her but this is quite obviously driving me crazy.

[talaniman]

A female who jumps from guy to guy has many unresolved issues to deal with, and your getting caught up in her confusion.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule- Stay away from any one that has an ex involved in their lives.

Talaniman Rules- Run, don't walk, away from any romance in the place that you are employed.

This female, you leave alone.