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toeshoes333 · Jan 3, 2010, 12:15 AM

My fiancé and I have been dating for over 2 and a half years now and we have a son together. We used to have sex ALL the time when we were first dating and then we moved in together when I found out I was pregnant. My son is almost a year and a half and we both have gained weight since my pregnancy and giving birth. I realize that neither of us have the same energy levels we used to before I had my son, but we are both in our early twenties and I seem to be begging for sex all the time. I have not had any sex in over two months and I ask him all the time what I can do to get him to act attracted to me. He has no problem letting me "do favors" for him, but I haven't gotten anything in return in over two months! I try to touch him below the waist, and he gets mad and pushes my hand away, I try to kiss him and he tells me he doesn't like to kiss like that, I try to get naked for him, and that obviously does nothing for him because I have gained some weight. He is not cheating on me, because there is no one that would be willing to sleep with him, but I will because I still love him because we are together and in a relationship. He gets mad at me if I try to talk about it or ask him why he doesn't want to do anything. He just always tells me he is too tired. But, it's not even like he has to do anything because I can't even remember the last time he was on top. I don't know how to get him to be interested in me. I am so incredibly sexually frustrated, and I don't think he understands how badly it hurts myself esteem when he can't even have sex with his girlfriend and when it's such a chore for me to even ask him to do anything with me. How do I make him care!

Catsmine · Jan 3, 2010, 04:30 AM

You will get several novels in response on this website. They will most likely boil down to 3 bits of advice. Here they are, just to make it easy for you to find them.

1. Get him to a doctor.

2. Get some exercise.

3. Get some counselling.

Do you want to know why? We'll be happy to explain at length.

Cpatty · Jan 3, 2010, 06:43 PM

A. I think maybe, it could be a father issue.
No, not some typical jokes, I mean, serious father issues.

Take myself for example, Me and my dad, don't really have a friend relationship, and when someone brings him up, either my girlfriend or who be it, No matter the subject, I kind of, loose the feeling to make love or w/e. If this happened after you had your son, maybey he see's him, and is thinking of himself and his father, maybe, some issue with the mother, I had a problem like that awhile ago, when ever I went down on a girl I would make the connection, omg she is a women, my mom is a women, this is like going down on my mom! BIG BAD IDEA TO CROSS YOUR HEAD... that made more sense in my head but w/e hope it helps somewhat

Fr_Chuck · Jan 3, 2010, 06:46 PM

And of course sex equals kids, and if being a father and issues of parenthood are really getting to him, then no sex equals no more kids for now.

Since even fat out of shape people have sex ( they may run of out energy and not last 30 min) but they have sex.

But there is little you can do unless he is talking to you about it.

MsMewiththat · Jan 3, 2010, 07:00 PM

Ging to the Dr is important as his weight gain may have something to do with his lack of drive i.e. circulation and heart issues. But really first I want to tell you that no matter how overweight he is there are women out there that will be with him. Don't fool yourself to think that he would never cheat because no one would want him. If you hold that attitude and he senses it or feels that you feel that way about him, it's possible that there in lies the problem. Maybe try getting some help with loving each other and showing it. Talk it out with him and work it out.

Cat1864 · Jan 3, 2010, 08:00 PM

One thing to understand is that you can't make him do anything whether it be love, care, have sex, etc. You can only give encouragement and show him how much you love, care and want him. Though you may need to back off from asking for what you want until you can find out what he needs. Try changing your focus from intercourse to affection. Hand-holding, kisses on the cheek, small gestures that show you do still want him but that don't put pressure on him to perform.

It could be that he now sees you as a mother figure and has trouble separating the lover from the mother. It could be the weight gain or just plain lack of exercise. It could be that he has undiagnosed health problems like Diabetes.

Are there any other stresses in your lives that could have him feeling depressed? How does he interact with your child?

If he won't discuss the issues with you one-on-one, you might try counseling as a couple or alone. Alone might be the best way to start by helping yourself (which in turn will make you a stronger mother) and learning ways to talk to him that don't put him on the defensive.

KISS · Jan 4, 2010, 12:29 AM

He could be afraid of another kid for the lack of sex issue.

"sleeping" can be a different problem like your now a mother/women rather than a female that needs to be conquered. It's in our genes to impregnate all attractive females. It's in yours to nurture your kid and to select a good provider. His job is done in his head. You guys need cousling. Birth control such as the pill + condom may help.