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talaniman · Jan 28, 2007, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Hannah_Marie

I do not agree with the statement that women involved with married men have low self esteem and are insecure. It is much more complex than that. Have you ever heard a saying "Love is blind?". From my experience, what usually happens is the married dude does whatever it is to make you fall in love with him. And once you are there, it is pretty difficult to let go.

How can a man make you fall in love with him unless you have major problems to begin with? Do you think healthy women fall for the BS? I doubt it, and love isn't blind but people who think they are in love are.

talaniman · Jan 28, 2007, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by divadeniece23

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

No he will never leave his wife, cheaters never do and why should they? He has been lying to you a long time yet you still believe what he says so how dumb does that make you? And why should your feelings be considered over anyone else's? The wife for instance. Look he has made a fool of you and a mockery of your feelings, so you just keep it going and putting out for him and see how much he cares. How can you confuse being used for SEX with love? Maybe I should ask a box of rocks, because you sure don't have a clue.

sexymumps · Mar 10, 2007, 09:12 PM

Originally Posted by divadeniece23

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

Do you think he loves you back

sophia3x · Mar 10, 2007, 10:08 PM

Don't be a sucka.

aalex2973 · Mar 11, 2007, 12:43 AM

I understand how you feel BUT he is never going to leave his wife! I was in the same position as you. He never left her. He always saying they are having problems BUT he was having "fun" with her to. So you have to leave him and move on! It will be rough but well worth it!

guitargal · Mar 11, 2007, 01:17 AM

Originally Posted by divadeniece23

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

I've been there... twice... I'm sorry hon, but I think you need to protect yourself, and just walk away. Unless you see definite action on his part, odds are he will keep you in limbo...

Wildcat21 · Mar 12, 2007, 11:56 AM

They NEVER leave the wife. You're the mistress nothing more.

They will tell you anything gto sleep with you.

+ if he cheaqted on his wife - he would cheat on you eventually.

Squiffy · Mar 12, 2007, 12:07 PM

There is nothing you can do but forget about this man. The moment you found out he is married you should have cut off all contact. Do you want to be branded a homewrecker? Because that is what people will call you. HE IS MARRIED! If he wanted to be with you he would be, he would leave his wife and you would live in happiness, truth is he doesn't want that because he wants to have his wife and his bit on the side, which is clearly all you are to him. And say he did leave his wife and you two made a go of things, he has proven himself to be a cheater, why on earth would you trust him?

J_9 · Mar 12, 2007, 12:09 PM

I would love an update from this gal. It has been 4 months since she posted, so I don't think we will hear back from her.

chinna123183 · Mar 21, 2007, 09:02 PM

Originally Posted by divadeniece23

Well I met him 6 months ago and weve been together since then. He is 33 and I'm 23 when we first started talking he to me he was in a relationship but never told me he was married about a month later i get a call from who I think is his girlfried but she lets me know she is married to him and has been for a few years. But that did not stop anything I never asked him about what she said about them being married i guess i was just scared of the truth anyway as the months past we started getting closer hes giving me anything i ask for the only thing is is that we dont get to spend as much time together as i would like. Now i find myself racking my brains out on what i should do now ive heard someone else state he was married so i finally asked him he told me he was and he asked if i wanted him to stop calling me but i told him no because its to late now because my feelings are involed bc now im in love with him. He and his wife a having prob but he is still there not wanting to lose a lot of what he has(well thats what he tells me )but i kinda believe him. So what shall i do? Do you think he will ever leave his wife?

It is so crazy, but I am Also 23 and dating a 33 year old married man. We are also in love and him and his wife are having problems. He gives me anything I ask for, and it has been a year. I don't know if he will leave his wife, I wouldn't care if he does or if he doesn't, I believe that he would probably treat me the same, if he was my husband. It is becoming so common, our situation, but unfortunately you can't control love. I say live life, but don't sell yourself short. If you had your own man, then some other woman would do the same to you. Maybe he is a good man, or maybe not, He's human, and you have to let a man be a man. My only problem is that I am also alone majority of the time. You are not alone, but only you can live your life no one else, so if you love him, despite the fact that he is married, obviously he cares for you, but he is confused just like you and I. Just do like I do, and keep yourself prepared for heartbreak. If you train your heart now, it may not hurt as much. People hate us for allowing ourselves to fall for a man that is married, but we have feelings too. Who says you can't love more than one person?

talaniman · Mar 22, 2007, 03:39 AM

People hate us for allowing ourselves to fall for a man that is married, but we have feelings too. Who says you can't love more than one person?

I don't think that the ability to love more than one person is the issue at all. I think the issue is letting a guy who you know is married , and out of bounds, sell you a load of goods and you fall for it. Like a predator and prey. I know you maybe can't see how unhealthy this is, or that you may have an issue or two to address, and your maybe satisfied, but are you happy and fulfilled? Be honest why not get your own man and have a real life? I just want to know.

Stupid Woman · Mar 31, 2007, 10:45 AM

I understand where you are coming from. I've been in a similar situation. Only I am not seeing him anymore. I am totally miserable. I love him. I will always love him I think. But I refuse to be his whore anymore. Honestly, he did not think of me that way, but I thought of myself that way. My true opinion is he will be leaving the relationship he is in when their daughter goes to college. Which is probably 4 years away. I decided I did not want to have any bearing on what he decides to do with his life. When he leaves her, if I have not found anyone else... Hopefully I will be able to get past him someday. He hurt me severely. I know he did not mean to, but sadly enough this is how things like this usually wind up. What we both did was totally against our character. He is suffering too. Maybe we can both heal. I am as much to blame as him. He love me. I love him. Time is just going to have to heal us both I guess. A selfish part of me wants him to leave and be with me. But the part of me that sees reality hopes he is able to make it with her and that I can pull myself together and move on.

Allheart · Mar 31, 2007, 11:25 AM

Oh SW - sure wish you would change your name, not stupid at all. You found yourself in a spot, you probably never thought you would be in and were wise enough to pull yourself out. Many who come here never see that reality that you not only saw, but accepted. Very good for you. Give yourself, some well earned credit.

"He hurt me severely" - Well good for you again - as you will no longer allow that to happen.

I am so sorry you are hurting and in pain but on your sadess day - (and Diva this goes for you as well), stop... and think... if you feel this sad, if you feel this devastated, how would you feel, if the married man did leave his wife for you, and all you can picture in your heart and head, is his wife, alone, crying and hurting more than anyone could ever imagine.

I often wonder how true happiness could ever be achieved at the expense of someone else's.

SW - you will heal. Just take it one day at a time and be relieved that the only pain you have to recover from is yours and not have to deal with the guilt and utter devestation, I think would come, knowing you had caused another person's heartache. I think that thought alone should keep you on this healthier road that you have chosen.

whydontheluvme · Mar 31, 2007, 08:20 PM

No one knows if he will leave him wife or not. But I was and still am in the same situation. He told me he was going to leave but everyone said do not believe him and to move on. So I finally listened to everyone else and not my heart and told him I did not love him anymore and quit talking to him. But the bad thing was that I still loved him with all my heart. Abt 1 1/2 months after we quit talking he did leave her but I had told him I did not love him anymore so now he is dating someone else. I have now told him that I do still love him, but it is too late. So do what you think you should and do not listen to anyone else. Be honest to him and yourself. I wish you the best of luck.

Stupid Woman · Mar 31, 2007, 08:26 PM

Tell Him! Then you will know for sure if he ever loved you. Then maybe you will actually be ready to move on without him. He will have proven himself to you one way or another. Will you be more lonely or sad than you are right now if you don't hear what you want?

whydontheluvme · Mar 31, 2007, 08:31 PM

I have told him, but it was to late. He is already dating someone else. I told him I was over him, I did not love him and did not want to talk to him. So when he left he wife, he went on and met someone else. I thought if I told him all that then I could get over him. But was I wrong.

talaniman · Apr 1, 2007, 08:45 PM

I thought if I told him all that then I could get over him. But was I wrong.

You are not wrong! YOU CAN AND WILL GET OVER HIM AND FIND YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.

rshaynes · Apr 2, 2007, 02:18 PM

Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk free. You are letting him use you. You need to ask him what is his plans for you two. Are just a piece or what. Because it sounds like he is getting what he wants. I dated a married man for almost two yrs but he and his wife were ONLY married on paper. There was no sex or closeness. It was kind of like room mates except she paid nothing and got all she wanted. She knew there was probs but refused to do something about it. So he finally found out from a good friend that I thought he was awesome. Then we soon got serious and I gave him two options me or her but not both. Just be careful and don't get hurt. The other woman could go psycho on you too.

poppa0777 · Apr 27, 2007, 10:48 AM

You are an ADULTRESS plain and simple. You have no moral fiber and have no shame.
You need to forget about your own feelings, and grow up. The penalty for adultery is being cast into the pit.
Here is what God's Word has to say... Revelation 21:8... But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Your solution is very simple... call on the name of the Lord. Ask him to forgive you and save you. Find a Bible believing, Bible preaching Church, and study and pray.
The Lord turned my life around, and He will yours too.
The first part of my reply may sound "hard" to you. It is only intended to snap you back into reality. This wrong yo are in is very serious business.
I AM PRAYING FOR YOU THE MAKE THE ONLY WISE DECISION. Please remember that Jesus loves you, and died for our sins. God Bless!

crazybird · May 1, 2007, 12:51 PM

What I can't understand is how you are able to go with this man knowing how you are hurting his spouse. Where are your morals? If you continue this you are no better than he. How would you like it if the shoe was on the other foot? You are only 23. Get a single boyfriend.