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fastlane · Dec 29, 2009, 12:46 AM

Im just wondering... My GF I have been with for over 3 years has been confusing me lately. We use to be so good together but lately she never seems to want to be with me on holidays. The first two new years she's been spending it with me but she didn't look so happy. So I let her spend it with her friends for 2009. I would say that this year has been the worse year for us because I never got to spend any holidays with her... new years, her birthday, halloween. She would always go out with her friends and the majority being guys. Well she recently just spent Christmas with me but I feel like she only did because she already had her Christmas party with her friends earlier. She is going to spend this upcoming new years with her friends again and I told her that I wanted to spend it with her because I don't have anyone to spend new years with and I feel that you should be with loved ones. She got mad and said "fine! ill cancel on my friends" and that obviously wouldn't make me feel better since she wouldn't want to spend it with me in the first place. I don't get along with her friends because they are really rude to me. I almost got into a fight with 3 of her friends already and I just do not like them at all and I tried my best to get along with them. Anyway Im just wondering what should I do? We broke up for a month and recently got back together. I changed a lot during out break up but I feel she hasn't changed at all. Should I just chill and let her go because I might be over my head. I was thinking of avoiding her and going through NC for a bit because I really feel lonely and too attached to her. She knows that she can threaten our relationship because I would apologize and call her back when things get to a bad point. I really love her but she really hurts me sometimes and I don't have enough strength to leave her.

J. Sparks · Dec 29, 2009, 02:05 AM

It's time to move on. She doesn't want the relationship and is playing with your feelings and manipulating you.

Soon as they want to spend less time with you it's going to be over. That's the first signal.
Eventually when they're very sure that they're going to break up with you, you will fight about things of no real importance, Trivial things.

Then she'll keep you like a puppet on a string dangling and stretching you until the elastic snaps and you break in half.

That's what you have to look forwards to.
Break it off now! Do it yourself and leave with your head held high.
And don't look back. She will respect you forever.

You know why they play with you ? So they can destroy you
And convince themselves that they made the right choice in
Leaving you in the first place.

J_9 · Dec 29, 2009, 03:01 AM

Dude... stop being a doormat!

Relationships involve 2 people... yes, I said 2. You AND her. Apparently she only wants to be in a relationship with her friends.

Holidays and celebrations are supposed to be spent with the ones you love. Apparently she loves her friends more than she loves you.

Tell her to go on living her life without you in it.

amicon · Dec 29, 2009, 03:27 AM

It's time to get out This isn't a relationship anymore. Leave her to her good friends and find your own life again.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2009, 10:34 AM

I don't have enough strength to leave her.

Then keep being a doormat, and quite complaining.

If you want better for yourself, then you have to do better for yourself. Just disappear from her life, and make a better one. That's up to you!

sully123 · Dec 29, 2009, 10:40 AM

I agree with Tal, disappear from her life. She is into her friends and not you. It's time to move on.

fastlane · Dec 30, 2009, 12:45 AM

Is it not selfish of me to make her choose like that though? To make her choose between her friends or me? Like she got me two pairs of shoes and pants and a sweater for christmas and they are not cheap clothing. When she is with me I can tell she really cares about me. But when she is not with me, it feels like she is a totally different person. I just got a random text from her today saying that she loves me and promises me that things will change after new years. Like she told me she didn't want to go with her friends to this one place but she already got the tickets last minute and that her one girlfriend told her she had to come and also this was during our breakup. Im just really confused guys should I give her until after new years?

J. Sparks · Dec 30, 2009, 12:54 AM

You're being used for when she doesn't have something "better" to do. It sounds like you are her backup plan or 2nd choice.
Man you need to be number 1 not number 2,3 & 4.
Or you won't be happy. Certainly if you're not with her on New Years you'll definitely know if you're the lowest of priorities.

I think you know the answer already. It's in your topic.
Get someone else who treats you with some respect !

LJDK · Dec 30, 2009, 01:55 AM

Fastlane, the only thing you are doing wrong here is allowing her to walk over you. I know it's a scary prospect finding new love, but think about that feeling you had in the beginning, the butterflies in your gut, the rush, the excitement.

Now tell me that is not something to look forward to. This girl is not worth it, and being treated the way you have you might start thinking there is something wrong with you. But I assure you dude, there is something wrong with her and you deserve better.

Now go get it.

Toooldforthis · Apr 13, 2012, 01:29 PM

If you feel hurt more than happy, the scales aren't equal. If she truly loves you she would not be comfortable seeing you hurt... unless you've pissed her off, then we enter into a "I don't care zone" for a couple of days. Sounds like she wants the cake and wants to eat it too... which makes me think she's not mature enough for a relationship.. or just doesn't want a serious one. Good luck.

danr117 · Apr 13, 2012, 04:00 PM

Hi, the same thing happened to me and to be honest its not going to work, part of being in a relationship is actually wanting to see each other and wanting to be with each other. I understand why she wants to spend time with her friends some of the time but dude 'going on a break' is the first sign and is immature altogether.dont let yourself get walked on and don't feel guilty for asking her to spend more time with you.
Again the same thing happened to me and it didn't end well I think you should move on.best wishes