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lilly lou · Dec 27, 2009, 06:33 PM

I am thirteen and feel strongley about having a baby. I have wanted a baby since I eleven and my thoughts are still the same. I am scared about what my family will think about me if I do go through with it. I don't know who to talk to or where to turn I am a verry confused and frustrated teenager please help me.

J_9 · Dec 27, 2009, 06:43 PM

Honey, you can't afford a baby at your age. Not only can you not afford it, but your body isn't ready to make a baby right now. It could be very dangerous to your health and the health of that baby.

One of the risks you face is premature delivery. This could cause the baby to be in the hospital for weeks, if not months. This cost could add up to millions of dollars. At 13 you can't come up with that kind of money.

Trust me sweeite, I am a nurse and my job is delivering babies.

KISS · Dec 27, 2009, 08:04 PM

Trust J_9: Occupation Stork.

Counsling would not be a bad idea. Start with the nurse at school.

Alty · Dec 27, 2009, 08:53 PM

At 13 you aren't ready.

You have plenty of time to have children, wait until you're old enough.

Now, if you love babies so much, why not do something were you can be around them?

Babysit, volunteer, when you get older you can work with preemies in the hospital. There are so many jobs that you can do to work with babies.

Really sweetie, you're not ready and I think you know it, otherwise you wouldn't have asked for advice.

Don't ruin your life, or the babies, wait. :)

AManWithNoName · Dec 30, 2009, 11:45 PM

Buy a cat, that's my advice, theyr'e like babies, but cost less, and thers no diapers to change, and you don't spend 9 months with one inside you

J_9 · Dec 31, 2009, 12:03 AM

Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

buy a cat, thats my advice, theyr'e like babies,

Apparently you've never had a baby. Cats and babies are NOTHING alike.

Alty · Dec 31, 2009, 12:06 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Apparently you've never had a baby. Cats and babies are NOTHING alike.

Cats are easy! Cats are nothing like babies.

I couldn't agree more.

Cats don't get up every three hours to eat.
They don't need their diapers changed every 2 hours, or more.
No stretch marks, but you'll probably get scratch marks.
The food is a lot cheaper.
The medical bills are a lot cheaper.
A cat lives around 15-20 years.

I could go on.

Having said that, I do think the cat is a better choice then a baby when you're only 13.

AManWithNoName · Dec 31, 2009, 12:08 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Apparently you've never had a baby. Cats and babies are NOTHING alike.

Puppys? I don't know, it just seems like she wants something to care for

Alty · Dec 31, 2009, 12:14 AM

Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

Puppys? I don't know, it just seems like she wants something to care for

Puppy's are like babies? Not even close.

The only thing that even comes close to a baby, is a baby. Nothing else will ever drain your energy, eat your funds, cry, poo, pee, crave constant attention, and so many more things, like a baby.

A dog is a great pet. A dog is a lot of responsibility. Even if she got 200 dogs, it still wouldn't come close to one baby.

I get what you're trying to say. You're saying that she should get something else, because a baby at 13 is a very bad idea.

The thing is, until she gets to the bottom of this need, deals with it, comes to terms with it, nothing is going to be a substitute.

I only hope that she doesn't decide to learn the hard way just how much work a baby is.

Are they worth it? Yes, when you're an adult, with a home, a spouse, maturity, sense, then they're worth it and more. The fact is, a 13 year old can't handle it, not physically, not mentally, not emotionally, not financially. Most adults have a hard time.

hheath541 · Dec 31, 2009, 01:19 AM

If possible, you should volunteer to babysit an infant for a day. Not just a couple hours. All day. No pay. No one there to help you. Just you and a baby.

Or spend several hours keeping up with a toddler. Changing their diapers. Feeding them. Cleaning up after them. Entertaining them. Calming them when they cry.

See if your school, or a planned parenthood, has one of those pregnancy bellies you could borrow. Wear it for a weekend. Wear it all day. Sleep in it at night. Only take it off to shower. See how badly you want to spend several months feeling like that.

Go to the store. Price baby items. Figure out how much a car seat, stroller, swing, crib, bouncy seat, changing table, a couple dozens onesies, a couple dozen outfits, a couple pairs of shoes, socks, several blankets, several bottles, rattles, binkies, teethers, toys, a mobile, several bags of diapers, several cans of formula, and everything else a baby needs costs. Then multiply that by 4. you MIGHT start to become close to figuring out how much money it costs to provide for the physical needs, not even including medical or anything else, of a baby for just the first year of their life. Once you have that number, decide if you can afford to have a baby.

Don't even try to tell us that your parents would help. If you have a baby it will be YOUR responsibility. YOU will be the one getting up in the middle of the night to feed it. YOU will be the one changing it's diapers. YOU will be the one trying to calm it down when it cries for hours on end for no apparent reason. YOU will be the one dressing it and bathing it when it spits up on itself, and you. YOU will be the one telling your friends that you can't hang out, because you have a baby to take care of. YOU will be the one trying to take care of a baby and still go to school. YOU will be the one regretting doing something so stupid as to become pregnant when you're still a kid yourself.

Find out if there's a group for teen parents in your town. Go to it and talk to the girls there. Ask them what it's like. Ask them if they would choose to wait if they could do it all over again.

My sister was 16 when she had her first child. She went to homecoming pregnant. She couldn't go to prom because she had a baby at home. She ended up missing school while she was pregnant and after the baby was born, because she was sick or didn't have a sitter that day. She wasn't able to go out with her friends anymore, because she couldn't always get a sitter. She had to get a full-time job to pay for everything the baby needed. She lost out on her teen years because she had a baby that depended on her for everything.

What happens if, because you're so young, you end up with a baby with health problems? What if it's born underweight and, because of that, has a weak immune system that means it gets sick all the time? What if it has developmental disabilities that mean you will be changing diapers for the rest of your life, because it's just not capable of taking care of itself? What if it ends up with a birth defect that leaves it deaf, or blind, or without limbs? Those are all risks of pregnancies with very young mothers.

Your body is still forming. Every day your hormones are changing. Who you are, physically, today is not who you will be in 6 months. When your body is changing that much, becoming pregnant and causing even MORE changes, can be dangerous for you AND the baby. You, or the baby, could even die during childbirth.

Do you, honestly, think you could handle any of that?

lovebird120 · Dec 31, 2009, 02:55 AM

I'm almost 18 and I wanted a baby since I was 14... well I had one with my boyfriend when I was 17 and its changed my life... I had to drop out of my school with all my friends and I had to go to a weird school where everyone is a drop out and you go once a week... the rest of the time I sit at home alone while my boyfriend is at school and his parents are at work and I'm bored to death, I have my baby but there's only so much company they provide, as for the money I got on welfare but its not enough, there's only so much money the government can give you, I don't regret my baby because I love him with all my heart, I regret the leaving school the leaving friend the leaving my precious amazing boddy I regret not being able to go out to parties and have fun because I'm a 17 yr old mom... JUST BE 13!!

lovebird120 · Dec 31, 2009, 12:57 PM

Let me go at this another way
In stead of me just trying to say no don't do it and giving you my story let me hear from you the reasons you want a baby and ill tell you the reasons you shouldn't... you first

AManWithNoName · Jan 1, 2010, 10:54 PM

Why do girls even like babies? Their like, blah

J_9 · Jan 1, 2010, 11:09 PM

Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

why do girls even like babies? their like, blah

It's the nurturing nature of the woman. Men would never understand. ;)

Alty · Jan 1, 2010, 11:25 PM

Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

why do girls even like babies? their like, blah

Thank God your mom didn't feel this way. ;)

AManWithNoName · Jan 1, 2010, 11:26 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Thank God your mom didn't feel this way. ;)

HAHA you don't know that for suurre;)

hheath541 · Jan 1, 2010, 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by AManWithNoName

why do girls even like babies? their like, blah

Why even post if you're not even going to try to be helpful?

AManWithNoName · Jan 1, 2010, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by hheath541

why even post if you're not even going to try to be helpful?

It's a question, it could help me help her, if she tells me why she feels girls like babies, I may beable to help her get over this need :p
Chalk one up for this guuy

lovebird120 · Jan 2, 2010, 12:24 AM

The girl wants a baby for her own selfish reasons she doesn't want a baby to raise and take care of and be a part of her self she wants one to help her through whatever problems it is she is going through and for it to love her... not so she can love it...
Honey your too immature to know what it takes to be a mother.