[Wildcat21]

Why worry about this complete jackazz?

Move on and date a lot - find a real guy. You're too god for him.

Let me guess - he's a bad boy, no college etc?

[Wildcat21]

And any normal guy knows you do not date a stripper - ever. You might try and sleep with them... but they are loads of trouble - MANY guys trying gto sleep with them - usually on drugs - usually controlled by the owner of the club... the stripping can lead (and does a lot) to 'pay for' sex acts if you know what I mean. Some gal there.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Your ex is probably feeling intimidated. A pretty awesome and undoubtably attractive woman like you will probably intimidate many men.
You should not let his insecurities make you doubt yourself.

And any normal guy knows you do not date a stripper - ever. You might try and sleep with them....but they are loads of trouble - MANY guys tryin gto sleep with them - usually on drugs - usually controled by the owner of the club.....the stripping can lead (and does a lot) to 'pay for' sex acts if you know what I mean. Some gal there.

I sort of disagree with you on this Wildcat... You've painted an overly generalized picture here of the worst case scenarios. While these are true in a number of cases with the "career stripper", there are also ordinary women working the part-time and off-hours schedule that are very normal and awesome people.

[talaniman]

so it turns out...the new girl my ex is dating is not only 18, but also a stripper. Wow...I'm in college, I'm going to graduate soon, I have a lot going for me. And....he picks a stripper over me? One of my friends asked my ex if she was good looking and my ex said "not at all." Ok...so, why dump me, a pretty awesome girl who has been his best friend for 8 years and gf for 2 years for an 18 year old, unattractive stripper? Um...can anyone give me reasons?

You must still be stinging form this break-up or else you would not be asking such a question. There is no answer to why he does what he does, and why would you care? Let go of the past, and look to the future. He wants a stripper let him have a stripper, its not your business anyway. Don't run yourself in circles any more worrying about him. No body here is a mind reader and neither are you so let it go and look forward to finding your own happiness.

[Thomas1970]

And any normal guy knows you do not date a stripper - ever. You might try and sleep with them....but they are loads of trouble - MANY guys tryin gto sleep with them - usually on drugs - usually controled by the owner of the club.....the stripping can lead (and does a lot) to 'pay for' sex acts if you know what I mean. Some gal there.

For the most part, I'm in total agreement with this. I've known more strippers than I care to. Neighbors and friends of roommates, in years past. And yes, this is a very accurate assessment of most. Though I knew a few that were straight A students in college, and completely drug free. They are still people underneath. Either way though, I agree, you certainly don't date one unless you're the gambling type.
I personally don't date them. I don't even go to the clubs. :)

[UTaustinash]

Actually... he's about to graduate in August and he has a 3.9 GPA. It's just his whole life all he's done is school and work and I guess he's trying to be like all the other guys which he's not. But yes, I am still stuck on it. It's been 3 weeks, and he started dating her like the day after he broke up with me. I know deep down I'm too good for him and that this girl has nothing on me, but it still hurts. He's not the guy I have known for the past 10 years. It's weird, and I just want him to snap out of it because I don't know how he can just throw it all away.

[Wildcat21]

If he's under age 30 he probably still has a lot of changing to do.

I don't think you'd want him back at this point.

[Skell]

Who cares.
Your post made you look very very insecure!

Why do you even need to know these answers.

Just be thankful you aren't with a guy of this caliber anymore and worry about yourself.

And who are you to judge whether she is unattractive or not? Your not the one who has to find her attractive are you?

I agree, you probably have heaps more going for you and I'm sure are a lot more attractive but that doesn't mean anything in respect toh I'm anymore.

So how about using that attractiveness and everything you have going for you to worry about yourself and not him and find a good guy who respects all your good qualities.

[valinors_sorrow]

It bolsters his shattered self esteem, my guess is especially in the bedroom dept, if not the actual bedroom... and when he has patched it back together, its very likely out da window with the shimmy shaker regardless of who she is -- saint or sinner. Then she'll be on here posting why didn't her "Pretty Woman" fantasy come true? Besides, naïve girls are easier to manipulate so maybe its more about that with her than anything else? Rebounds are so freudian sometimes LOL.

But Skell and others here makes a valid point... that its over and who he is with is essentially none of your beeswax now.

[Allheart]

UT,

I do understand why you are upset. Try your best to just let him go, even if you have to tell yourself for now. As someone has said here, strippers are people too and oh how I feel for those girls, there is no amount of money, someone could roll up in a ball, that would make me dance for them. But you just never know what tomorrow will bring, so it's never good to judge. There before the grace of God, go I. I do feel for those girls and believe it or not, some of them are good girls, or were at one time, and life and what it does to some people, just lands them in places they never thought they would ever be.

But enough about the stripper, enough about him. Its you time! Ask yourself, if you feel so upset at the fact that she is a stripper, then why would you want him back now, at this time. To be honest, she could be a princess, and it probably would hurt you just as much.

It's time to focus on you and things that are going to make you happy. Leave him behind with the choices he has made.

[Thomas1970]

I do feel for those girls and believe it or not, some of them are good girls, or were at one time, and life and what it does to some people, just lands them in places they never thought they would ever be.

I'm in agreement with this. Almost all of them come from fairly extreme backgrounds. Whether it was a completely dysfunctional family, or many years in a private religious school in which they felt they had no room to breath.
Either way, she is likely either very needy deep down, or far more likely, near completely disconnected from her emotions.
He probably finds a relationship easier with her, either because he feels deeply depended upon, or again more likely, he neither feels compelled to deal with the myriad "trivialities" engendered in a true relationship.

[PinkParisKitty]

It sounds as if a "night out with the guys" opened his eyes to the fact that there are a ton of ladies out there and he wants to play the field. I imagine that his guy friends had a huge influence on his decision and that you aren't going to change his mind because he wants to date other girls and/or have sex with lots of them. C'est la vie, its college and every man and/or woman is entitled to drunken stupidity and booty calls. If that's the way he wants it then you are only hurting yourself by wanting someone who wishes to be free of a relationship to stay in one. Be thankful he told you the truth, and broke it off instead of going behind your back.

[Geoffersonairplane]

He's just very stubborn. People say it gets easier day by day, but I wonder if that's true for him too? I wonder if he thinks leading the independent crazy wild life will make him happy, but eventually it won't be all it's cracked up to be, because he's really not the "party type." Seriously. I'm not going to wait around for him, but I can't help but wonder if I really give him what he says he want if he'll try to come back, whether I still want him or not.

Sounds like my ex, she is the stubborn type. I'll bet you £1 million she (my ex) is doing everything possible to try and prove that her choice to give me up was a good one. She wants to live the crazy wild life... Truth is though, I believe that most men and women do. I did when I was in my early 20's but yes, you are right, it was nothing it was cracked up to be but was just part of my growing up and learning. It does get easier by the day but like a wise fellow on her told me, you will have many ups and downs.. You need to allow yourself some good time to grieve.

This is some good advice for you to follow in addition to all the other good advice from others you have already received:-

He will probably be in your head 24-7 (it might seem) for quite some time to come. This is a huge loss for you! What you must do now to help yourself heal from this loss is to:

1.) Maintain NO CONTACT -- NO LETTERS, E-MAILS, PHONE CALLS, TEXTS, NOTHING!

2.) Keep yourself busy, go to the gym, take up an old hobby, spend time with friends and relatives, whatever.. Try to avoid alcohol where possible (it won't help)

3.)Try not to dwell on the past too much, focus on what you can do for yourself to improve you, as a person. Try not to think about what he is doing, who he is with e.t.c. concentrate on you..!

4.) If he has a myspace account, do not look at it EVER. You will just read into things and end up going over things in your head.

It is hard, I know and it will take time but it does get better with time and who knows, one day I expect you will thank him for what he did (in your head) because you will understand that he was probably not right for you.

I wish you well in your journey of recovery! Take Care!

Geoff..

[sovaira]

He is a flirt
Forget him,


Being a girl of 22,this is my sincere advice to u
Leave him and concentrate on your carrier ,boys will come in your way and chose the best

I have been through all this ,be careful

Best of luck

[UTaustinash]

So... thanks for all the previous advice. It's been really hard. I found out he did actually cheat on me with the other girl, but he didn't want to tell me about it. Finally he did though. It's been 2 months since he broke up with me and it is easier than before but it's hard because he was the one guy who I thought would NEVER cheat. I've known him for 8 years before our year and a half together and he was never like that. I'm just sad because I've lost so much respect for him. He cheated on me, but it's like he is doing anything in his power to erase me from his life when I did nothing wrong to him. Are all guys really like that? I guess I'm just scared they are. But, what are some things I can do to speed up the moving on process and not worry about him? What has worked best for you guys? I'm home for the holidays right now too, not at school, so... it's like that's what I think about. How long has it taken you guys to get over long relationships because I can't keep feeling this bad for very long.

[mjinms]

so it turns out...the new girl my ex is dating is not only 18, but also a stripper. Wow...I'm in college, I'm going to graduate soon, I have a lot going for me. And....he picks a stripper over me? One of my friends asked my ex if she was good looking and my ex said "not at all." Ok...so, why dump me, a pretty awesome girl who has been his best friend for 8 years and gf for 2 years for an 18 year old, unattractive stripper? Um...can anyone give me reasons?

Looks are not everything. Some guys go through a stage because its about sex or a throphy girlfriend he can show off with. Arm candy. He may be considering a time to explore things in his youth and needs to figure things out for himself. When he realizes what a good thing he had, it will be too late. He may not be in love with you and its best you know this instead of wasting more time with him and find someone that really loves you.
By the way, strippers make good money in big cities with up-scale clubs and some have degress, some are very classy women so don't be so quick to be hooty-snooty. Men don't like up tight women.

[talaniman]

Get busy doing the things you like to do and meet new people and go to places you have never been to. The busier you get the less time you'll have to mope around and think of the past.

[chuff]

Think of all the possibilties for the year 2007 and where it can take you.

[UTaustinash]

Hey everyone! So I've been coming on here and reading posts and stuff and it's really helped me so much. I wanted to first say, time really does make things better. For those who have recently broken up, I promise you will not ALWAYS feel the way you feel right now even though you don't see it changing. Anyway, here's the bad news and what I need some help on.

I've been doing so good with the no contact thing. I've posted about the breakup before but brief recap... my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me this past November after he cheated on me. He pretty much told me he never really loved me and he's glad he cheated because it "finally gave him a way out because he felt stuck." He was so mean to me when we broke up and had no respect for me at all even as a person. He started date really young girls within the week and took them to my friends' houses. He was such a great guy when we were together, or at least that's what I thought. Then when we broke up, he got into partying a lot, drugs, and once he told me he drank alone in his room every night. I should've implemented NC a lot sooner than I did, but since he was my first everything, I was trying really hard to hold onto something that wasn't there anymore.

Finally though, I started no contact and it's been amazing. I've been really concentrating on school, volunteering, working out, and hanging out with friends. Actually, I've made more friends since we've been broken up than I did when we were together, and I love that. Anyway... there has been no contact AT ALL from either side for a little over two months. He's done some things I think to try to get me to contact him, like post pics of him pretty much humping girls in bikinis on our mutual friends sites because he knew I'd see them. But... I stayed strong and didn't. Who cares, he can do what he wants right?

But... last night, I went out for a friend's birthday and had too much to drink and I called him. UGH!! I'm so stupid and soooo mad at myself for that. It makes me look soooo dumb. I know this and I can't believe I was so stupid. He didn't answer, which is probably better, but it still hurts to know that after no speaking for 2 months he didn't answer. Anyway, I left a message saying I was calling to see how school was going and how your family's doing. Granted, that's all it said I feel like I'm right where I started. I've never been so disappointed in myself because I was doing so good. Also, normally when I go out, even if I do drink, I don't want to call him. I don't know what happened.

Have any of you ever slipped after so long of NC? How did you bounce back? Does it take as long as the first time you initiated it? :mad:

[s_cianci]

It doesn't sound like there was any real harm done since he didn't answer and your message was fairly benign. Just don't do it anymore. No more contact, don't even think about him. Go on doing the things you've been doing. I think you'll be all right.