[MJ6216]

My uncle who I love very much and have a great relationship with has a very bad addiction. He is addicted to gambling and alcohol. He does both everyday of the week. He makes a hefty amount of money every pay check and then blows it. I don't know what to do anymore. He is so miserable and that makes me unhappy because I love him so much! What can I do to help him?

[Dr D]

Sadly, there is probably not much that you can do. I have had friends who have had a problem with alcohol and/or gambling, with whom I have tried every rational argument to change their behavior. My score thus far is ZERO. The problem drinkers are dead, and the problem gamblers have gone BK and still gamble. Perhaps a person has to hit total rock bottom and make the conscious decision to change their life. This morning I saw Thomas (Hollywood) Henderson of the Dallas Cowboys on The Don Imus show on MSNBC. Both Imus and Henderson are living proof that addiction can be controlled (if not cured). If your best efforts with your uncle fail, it is his fault, not yours.

[MJ6216]

I know that its going to be his fault but I just want to know if there was something out there that treat both of these problems at the same time. Because he is one of my favorite people in the world and while I look up to him because throughout my life he has taught me so much I don't want to get to that point to where he hits rockbottom!!

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry but until he WANTS to stop there is nothing you can do to make him change. Even the alcoholic sleeping on the street is normally there because they would rather drink than live in a shelter and be feed.

And there is no rational argument to change his behavior.

[valinors_sorrow]

Look up the numbers for Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous in your phone book and hand them to your uncle. What he does from there is his answer to whether he wants help or not. You will need to respect his decision.

[MJ6216]

OK well since he's already been to AA and obviously it hasn't worked does that mean that I should just let it go because it hasn't worked and he obviously doesn't want it to?

[valinors_sorrow]

ok well since hes already been to AA and obviously it hasnt worked does that mean that i should just let it go because it hasnt worked and he obviously doesnt want it to?

Yes it does mean exactly that. Just as I let go here with you.
He is "yeah butting"... just like you are here now. That translates into there isn't enough interest in finding a solution to sustain, well, LOL finding a solution. It is my hope that continued suffering will help create more openmindedness since there is a solution out there -- you only need see the many people who have recovered to know that. It still stands that if your uncle would do what they did (whatever that is, AA or otherwise) then he will get the same results. The only alternative is to suffer and die over being what I call "terminally unique."

[talaniman]

ok well since hes already been to AA and obviously it hasnt worked does that mean that i should just let it go because it hasnt worked and he obviously doesnt want it to?

Yes you do. He has a problem that HE must deal with. You cannot make him do anything. Sad I know but the only course of action is to cut him from your life. You could stand to educate yourself to see why everyone here tells you why there is nothing you can do about his problem, but as we have ALL found out, sadly, you can only give him tough love and pray he wants to change.

[ordinaryguy]

It still stands that if your uncle would do what they did (whatever that is, AA or otherwise) then he will get the same results. The only alternative is to suffer and die over being what I call "terminally unique."

What a great diagnosis! I've known several people who were "terminally unique", and loving them really puts you through the wringer, but freedom is freedom and consequences are consequences. Sadly, your only real option is "affection-at-a-distance".