[Cecilia77]

About 3 weeks ago I received a message from a girl asking what my then boyfriend and I were. She explained how she was his girlfriend and she had asked about me because from my online pictures it seemed we were more than just friends, which is what he was telling her. I ignored her, not wanting to be a part of any unhealthy drama (I thought she was just some girl that was just interested in him at that point) so I ignored her. She kept messaging me so I asked her if you know him tell me things about his life. She did, and went into full detail. Like how much his 3 year old son loves her, how he wanted to marry her in a year and that’s when she would be able to meet his family. The same things he told me. We were together for a year and I became very close with his family and sisters already (who are very upset with him after I told them about the break up) I confronted him about her. He promised that they were just friends but he would stop being friends with her since she was trying to cause drama. I believed and trusted him. The next night I get a call from him at 3am... It was her! She said she called him to get a ride from the bar and snuck his phone away to call me. I guess To prove to me what was really going on. She said she was on my side and we needed to get together to confront him. I didn’t want to do that and betray him, I told her to leave me alone and to not call me. I called him the next day. He “came clean” about everything. He said they were just talking for the past two or three months. But started becoming intimate a few weeks ago. He said even though he cares, and loves me he is not in love with me and doesn’t want me to go through his cheating issues anymore. But I find out they have been together almost everyday since we broke up. She was being vindictive the whole time,she knew I was the girlfriend and she was the other woman. Why would she stay with him when she was the other woman? She knew about me,not in the beginning but a little later. She would see my hairs all over his apartment she later told me. I confronted the both of them about it. He says he has strong feelings for her and that they just click better and she’s more fun and basically the opposite of me. Which she seems to be.He basically at this point has turned everything around on me saying that he used to be head over heals but I just overreacted about things one too many times. That I should have been more affectionate cleaned and cooked more. I basically have done everything your not suppose to to try to get the person back and it has pushed him further away(even though he cheated.I told him I believed in him and that he could change and stand by his side) He and her now within a few days posted pictures of them together online and changed his relationship status to not single (which he never did for me!) He has deleted us as friends through all networking and blocked me from his phone. So now I can’t even call him to get my belongings. I feel he has turned everything around on me without giving me any closure and making me feel like this woman means more to him with just a few weeks than I ever meant to him the whole year we were together. His family loved me and I loved them(especially his son) I spoke with his sisters and they are upset and really like me but I feel I shouldn't have contact with them as well. I haven't had any contact in two weeks. A part of me doesn't want him back but another part of me does. I've been trying to be healthy with no contact and keeping busy,etc. I guess I need help getting through this and figuring out why still though? Will he ever contact me again. I wonder if he's really in love or if it's just lust.I know I shouldn't care about him right now and be concetrating on me but it's been very hard!

[HellHound82]

Don't take him back he will do it again

[bidingmytime]

Cecilia,
That really sux that that had to happen to you. I just went tough a pretty tough break up too and I'm still not really over it.

Here is the best advice I can give you.

1. DON'T GO BACK! Consider yourself lucky that you are only going through a break up and you did not marry this guy and have to go through a divorce!

2. Keep in mind, if he treated you this way and was inconsiderate to you, then he will also be like this to other girls as well. He's probably not going to change and you really should just feel sorry for that girl that he is with. Perhaps they will get along now, but soon they'll be having problems too.

3.Time is the only thing that can make it stop hurting completely. It may take up to a year before you quit thinking about it and it may be up to two years before you are completely over it. At about 6 months it should quit hurting though. So mark 6 months from now on your calendar and remember when it gets that date, you're going to be mostly over it.

4. While you are waiting to get over this concentrate on making other aspects of your life better. Set goals: fitness goals, career goals, social goals, etc. Spend a lot of time with your friends and going out. These things will make it hurt less.

5. Don't try to contact him until one year is passed.

You will be OK, and life will go on. He was not the right guy for you.

[amicon]

I hope you'll come to realise that you're well rid of the twotiming waste of space.
I'm sorry you're hurting but he sounds like a complete nightmare. Stay with the no contact,and if you can live without your belongings,do so.
If you really need your things maybe a friend could
Go get them for you?
Good luck and take care.

[Cecilia77]

Thank you for all your advice. I'm just so hurt and angry the way he did things after being together for so long. Of course now I look back and I think of certain situations that should have made me realize something was up. But its all in the past. Right now I'm intensly reeling. I have so many questions going in my head. Do you think he just fell in love with this girl or is having fun. He made me feel like she's "the one" he has pictures of them together on his page and he never did that with us. I feel like he thinks she was worth changing for and not me. But, he thought I was in the beginning also he said. I just don't know how their relationship could work out due to she was the other woman and she knows so early on in their relationship he's a lying selfish cheat.

[Cecilia77]

P.S. Also my best friend thinks I should change my number because she think he will try to contact me within the next few months. But I really don't think he will because he knows how wrong he did me. His sister told me he can't face me but I honestly think he doesn't care and is to into this other homewrecker girl right now. Do you think he will and I should change my number right away?

[Romefalls19]

Change your number, this way you don't have to worry about if he will call or not. It will save your head some ache by doing it now, rather than him calling 2 months into your recovery and then you coming on here asking why he called

[amicon]

Changing your number is a good idea,also delete him from whatever social networking sites you use.
You'll get over this,just be patient with yourself.

[Devorameira]

Most of the time when men leave one woman for another, it never works out. Also, keep in mind, that if he left you for her, he’ll l probably leave her for someone else.

The honeymoon state of mind that he may be in with her will eventually turn into a routine. Men have the tendency to get bored once things turn into a routine. With this being said, if he does end up getting bored, he may try crawling back to you when things do not work out with Miss Hot to Trot. If he does try crawling back to you, hopefully by then you will see clearly what a horrible person is and not give him the time of day. Do you want the other woman's leftover? That is all he will be if things do not work out in his new paradise of emotions.

Dust yourself off, keep moving forward and do not waste your time looking back at where you have been. If it did not work out the first time, it will not work out the next time. Wish him all the best in the new bed he has made and hope bedbugs magically appears on the sheets when he lays his body down to spend a night with her!

Keep smiling! It WILL get better.

---------------------------------------------

Don't rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other. - Russ Von Hoelscher

[artlady]

Well isn't he just a big two timing jerk of a man,and I use the term loosely.
He is a child actually who has not learned an important lesson in life,you don't treat people bad or it will come back to bite you on the butt.
Take comfort in knowing he will get his someday.

Many people think that the feeling of lust is love.That rush you get off a new attraction is like a fix they need to keep the relationship going.

It is shallow and immature thinking and he will always be looking for a new fix.The sexual fever can't last forever and when it begins to fade,so will his attention.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out his selfish thinking pattern,it is all speculation and will get you no where and give you no closure.

The only closure you need is to remind yourself you are a good woman worthy of an honest committed man.

You didn't cook enough?You didn't clean and were not affectionate enough. Excuse me,I thought we were out of the fifties and that mindset.

He is using that as a lame excuse to not accept the fact that he is just an immature guy who likes new sexual partners because he is a shallow human being who can't offer more.

Don't walk away from this feeling like a victim.Be glad you didn't invest anymore time in the jerk and know that you deserve better

Continue with the NC and know that it does get easier.One day at a time.

Six months from now you will wonder what you ever saw in this guy.Hang tough!

[notsogreat]

I spent ten years with a man, engaged to be married, and he left me at a vulnerable time in my life, for someone else and less than a year later they are engaged to be married. I used to wonder if she was a rebound, how could he move so quickly, if it is just the GIG (Grass is Greener) syndrome, but all this overanalyzing got me is just more headaches and less time to focus on what was truly important, my happiness. In Long term relationships, I think we tend to forget about us as individuals, so when the spouse/partner walks away, it feels almost like the other part of you rips from inside, and you don't feel whole anymore. It is a slow transition, but it will get easier, and more things as the dust settles will make sense to you. In my case, it still hurts today, and it has been nearly 15 months since my world was forever changed, but I no longer look at it as the end of something, I feel like it is the beginning. I have not dated, but I know one day I will want to, but right now I am focusing on me, and it feels great. Good luck, the hurt never completely goes away, but it will feel easier with each day, week, month, and year that passes. I promise you that.

[Cecilia77]

THANK YOU for all your strong positve words. I did play the victim role for definantly the first week and a half. But everyday I just get more angry. Did he really not love me and it was just a game?I don't think any woman will be enough for him. You are all right,the cooking and cleaning thing was a pathetic excuse. And saying this girl is better or more fun was him being mean and cruel. I know I'm fun! I don't know woman would ever be enough,even if he was with Halle Berry.I think maybe enough for him might be to have a "main" woman to be his maid/babysitter for his son and then have as many other woman on the side at his choosing. It's sickening!When I was really down I even told myself. All men must cheat and at least He had all the qualties I looked for so maybe I could convince him and over look that and stay with him and be the main one. But now that my mind and heart is a little more clearer I see now I would have been MISERABLE that way and would have eventually gotten tired of it and would have wasted another year. I do believe him and this girl will get what they deserve. He definantly needs counseling that's one answer that I can answer for myself that I'm positve about.I'm just sad for his son because he is teaching him already at the age of 3 that it is OK to treat woman like this. I look forward to the day where I won't care anymore.

[notsogreat]

I know its hard, I look to where you are now in your very early stage of healing, and I remember the pain being so unbearable, I never want to feel that way again. And guess what Cecilia77, you will never allow anyone to make you feel that way again. Hopefully, while you are healing, you will remember this as a lesson in life. You loved this man with everything you had, and unfortunately for whatever reason, he did not reciprocate in the same way. Does that make you less of a woman? Hell no, that just shows that you are able to give love unconditionally to someone, but now the real test is to eventually learn to love yourself that way. You deserve nothing but that for yourself. And if the person you end up with cannot give you that, then consider that also a lesson learned. Never give up on you. You can walk away knowing you gave it 100%, live guilt free, and enjoy your present and look towards your future. The cheating ex will one day reflect on his actions, and feel guilty, and question his motives, and then he will have a much harder lesson to learn. SO keep your head up and keep on living!

[amicon]

That day will come! One day at the time and you'll soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I agree he's a lousy rolemodel for his son and one can only hope one day he'll change though I doubt it.

[Devorameira]

You've got a good head on your shoulders and seem to really be coping with what happened in spite of the heartache.

You will find a prince out there among the frogs. Finish healing, then get out and find him! Good luck!

[Cecilia77]

Yeah I've been doing better this week. The only thing that haunts me is when we were together he never changed his relationship status on myspace(which is the devil and I deleted my account now) or Facebook. But he has with her. And they both have pictures of them kissing or sexually embrassing each other as their default photos.

[artlady]

Yeah I've been doing better this week. The only thing that haunts me is when we were together he never changed his relationship status on myspace(which is the devil and I deleted my account now) or facebook. But he has with her. And they both have pictures of them kissing or sexually embrassing each other as their default photos.

Don't let those little things get to you,it will drive you to drink if you let it get under your skin.

For all you know ,she could be very dominating and he isn't given many chances to do what he wants.Could be all her idea to prove she has him.Petty and insecure gesture if you ask me.

Maybe she will be putting him in an apron so he can do some cooking and cleaning.

His bad Karma points have been accumulated,its only a matter of time before he gets his.

I am 55 and have seen how people get their just desserts too often to blame it on coincidence,it does happen.

Let that be of some solace to you right now.

Hang tough.Treat yourself to something special,go out and have some fun with friends.You have to force life to go on :)

[Cecilia77]

Wow thank you Artlady.I can tell your very wise! You seem cool as well. You had me laugh out loud with the apron comment!I really appreciate your words.

[Cecilia77]

Well today is a down day. I just received news from a mutual "friend" that they both are boasting on how in love they are with each other on their Facebook wall. I didn't respond to this person that told me. I hope they get the hint,I think their trying to get information out of me on what happened between him and I. So I asked my friend to check his page to see if it was true and it is. It's so hurtful,how can he be in love so soon. It took him 6months to tell me he loved me. I need some words of encourgment right now:(

[Romefalls19]

The one thing I learned about life after a break up, it goes on. You will have down days, and up days. Days when you don't want to crawl out of bed, but just like going to the gym, those are the days you pull it out of yourself and get through it. If love and relationships were easy, everyone would be doing it