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gaza711 · Dec 19, 2009, 11:51 AM

Hi guys I was dating a girl who is 17 soon to be 18(im 23) for 6 weeks. At first I wasn't fully attracted to her but did notice how well we clicked and good fun. I decided to keep up dating her as I knew the attraction would come in time which it did. We met up twice a week for a few hours mainly just going for a drive and having good chats and a laugh.We messed around a little bit but didn't have sex as I felt she was nervous which she did tell me also.However, we texted 40+ times every day and never had an angry or awkward moment between us. In fact she was telling me that I always make her smile and that she is surprised how strong we connected so quick. Then all of a sudden she texts me to say we should stop meeting because she couldn't get her head around the "age gap" and that it would be easier to end it now than when we were more attached.I respect this and understand her point of view except that in our situations I can't see how this "age gap" should be a problem. I want her to have her independent life with her friends and do what she should be doing. Plus its not like I want kids, marriage or full commitment spending every wakin minute with each other. Its just we get on so well (better than any girl Ive ever been with) that I don't want to let it go so easy. Ive told her I was shocked and that age shouldn't matter but she says it will get in the way in the future so best to end it now. What do yee guys think, should I move on or assure her that her fears are unfounded and just go with it. If it ended like I do with most girls I wouldn't give it a 2nd thought but I can't stop thinking about our time together?

Jake2008 · Dec 19, 2009, 12:04 PM

It really doesn't matter that you think her reasoning is flawed. I'm not trying to sound mean, just stating my thoughts, so don't take offense.

That she thinks the age difference is enough to stop the relationship, is enough. Other almost 18 year olds may be more mature, and think nothing of a five year age gap, but for her, that's how she feels and you have to just accept that.

She may be intimidated too when she compares you to 'men' her own age, who are quite different at 18, then they are at 23.

Her friends likely think that you are too old too, and social circles are important at that age.

But, for whatever reason, she's not ready in my opinion for a relationship of any kind with an 'older' man.

The time together was sweet, and it hurts to think that there won't be more of the same. But, it's over.

amicon · Dec 19, 2009, 01:41 PM

Sadly,you have to accept what she says and move on from this. As for contacting her I don't think you should.

jaime90 · Dec 19, 2009, 02:47 PM

You said you don't want to fully commit so apparently you were expecting a break-up sooner or later anyway. Respect her feelings and don't question them. Allow her to move on with her life. I don't think it would be in your best interest to contact her, and it certainly wouldn't be in her best interest either.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 19, 2009, 03:18 PM

Many at 17 or 18 or even 40, want to date various people and not be tied to one person.

Also a lot of 17 year old would consider someone 23 "old" and in the end, dating and a relationship takes two, if she does not agree there is not much you can do

Aprilmay12 · Dec 19, 2009, 04:52 PM

Maybe her parents don't approve of your relationship? Or maybe her friends don't like it? The point is, she is young and is probably easily influenced by what other people think. Others may have negatively pointed out the age difference and now she has convinced herself that you're too old. I'm sure she feels a bit indimidated being with someone older.

I think it's important to remember that you have probably hit milestones that she won't reach for a while, so you're at completely different maturity levels and she has quite a bit of growing and changing to do. But you can't help you like, so maybe there is hope for you. Respect what she wants, but who says you can't have some sort of relationship... at least friendship. The best romantic relationships stem from friendships first. And on the plus side, as you both get older, that age gap seems smaller and smaller.
Good Luck!

talaniman · Dec 20, 2009, 09:50 AM

Her reasons are her own, and that's what you have to accept. You had a chance to enjoy it, you did, now its time to move on.

gaza711 · Dec 20, 2009, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

Sadly,you have to accept what she says and move on from this. As for contacting her I dont think you should.

I have accepted what she says I just believe that it could be sorted out easily.Why end something real good for fear it will go bad.I mean if we took that approach to life why would we try and achieve anything.I think ill try and have a chat with her and find out why she feels this way,because I swear we are so suited together.I could easily move on and date other girls but the way I look at it is life is too short to not pursue the things that make you happiest.If she still feels the same and not willing to give it a go well that's life I guess time to move on

amicon · Dec 20, 2009, 01:03 PM

That's your choice obviously. My advice is to leave it,as I think you'd be setting yourself up for yet another rejection.

talaniman · Dec 20, 2009, 03:08 PM

Do what you want, but you can't fix feelings that have changed, or convince someone to change how they feel. That's their choice.

gaza711 · Dec 27, 2009, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Do what you want, but you can't fix feelings that have changed, or convince someone to change how they feel. Thats their choice.

Yeah spot on I get what everyone is saying and I didn't bother contacting her.. but guess what she texts me xmas eve saying she's not arsed wit xmas and can't get in d festive spirit this year?? so I said I know how you feel we had a bit of a laugh in d texts and then she says maybe its because I have everything I want so I'm not bothered about xmas lol.. to me she is playing a game wit me I think she does miss me why would she text me out of the blue.. its a great game she's playing if it is cause now I'm confused about what to do/if anything?

talaniman · Dec 27, 2009, 03:31 PM

You do nothing except stop texting us as us old folks can barely understand you and its against the rules.

Maybe she was fishing a bit, or bored, lonely for the holiday, or all the above. Doesn't matter, leave her alone. Do not text her. She dumped you remember.

bswc · Dec 30, 2009, 10:15 PM

Different level of maturity and social life, I'd say it's a good thing to end it early, before she throws all the unacceptable argues and gossips. Its complicated but just make it simple, get her out of your life and let her experience what there is to experience at that age, and grow up.

gaza711 · Mar 24, 2010, 12:14 PM

I have posted on this issue previously however I am still confused as to my situation. To cut a long story short, I was meeting a girl aged 17 from Oct- Dec 09.. She decided to stop dating as she felt the age gap was too big (im 23). I was disappointed because we got on so good and had were extremely comfortable together. However we have been texting lately, initiated mainly by her. She suggested we meet up as friends because we got on so well together and she misses me. We met up for a drink Saturday night and had the best night it was like we were never apart. We ended up going back to my house and slept together "no sex". However she asked me "are we now meeting again". I replied yeah lets just get back to where we were and take it from there. She then said that she can't get me out of her head ever, which is the same for me. After I dropped her home Sunday morning, I texted her Sunday night which she replied to. However after my next text I've still heard nothing back. I don't want to seem pushy but I got to know where we are at. Its consuming my head all week lol. Any advice I would be grateful. P.S she has now turned 18 if it counts for anything lol

justcurious55 · Mar 24, 2010, 01:02 PM

I would say that yes, 18 counts for something. She's not jail bait anymore. But, it only really counts legally. She probably hasn't matured all that much since when she was 17 a few months ago. And I do hope by you went for a "drink" you mean something non-alcoholic...

That really is still a bit of an age gap. Not huge, you two could probably work around it if you were both determined to. But it doesn't sound like she knows what she wants yet. And if she doesn't know what she wants yet, we sure can't tell you what it is either. That probably doesn't help you feel any less confused, but that's the truth. She doesn't sound like she knows if she wants the relationship or not. Do you feel like she's worth waiting around for? Even if she decides she doesn't want the relationship

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 24, 2010, 01:05 PM

Hard to say where you stand, why don't you just ask her what her intentions are? It's not fair to you for her to continue to play mind games.

She's may have turned 18 recently, but you're still 23 so that age gab is still there. I'm assuming you'll be turning 24 when she'll still be 18. Doesn't that sound a little weird to you?

To be honest, I'm only 22 and I could never see myself dating an 18 year old. I remember what I was like when I was 17-18. I was at a completely different point in my life than where I am at now. I know she's a legal adult and everything, but at this point in your life, wouldn't you at least like to be able to legally have a few drinks with the person you're seeing? I recommend finding someone who is mature and knows what they want.

But anyway, if you care about her and want this to work just talk to her. She should be able to be honest and upfront with you.

gaza711 · Mar 24, 2010, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

Hard to say where you stand, why don't you just ask her what her intentions are? It's not fair to you for her to continue to play mind games.

She's may have turned 18 recently, but you're still 23 so that age gab is still there. I'm assuming you'll be turning 24 when she'll still be 18. Doesn't that sound a little weird to you?

To be honest, I'm only 22 and I could never see myself dating an 18 year old. I remember what I was like when I was 17-18. I was at a completely different point in my life than where I am at now. I know she's a legal adult and everything, but at this point in your life, wouldn't you at least like to be able to legally have a few drinks with the person you're seeing? I recomend finding someone who is mature and knows what they want.

But anyway, if you care about her and want this to work just talk to her. She should be able to be honest and upfront with you.

Im from the UK where it is legal to drink at 18.. in fact most people here drink from the age of 13+ as shocking as it sounds.Also I think age gaps are more common when the man is older.Tobe honest it has never been an issue thus far its not like I want marriage and kids lol.. I just want to spend time with the person who makes me happiest ant that is her. Ive dated some girls older,younger, better looking but no one with the same connection we have

talaniman · Mar 26, 2010, 10:06 AM

You would have a lot more fun if you would give up the where do we stand stuff.

She suggested we [B]meet up as friends [/B]because we got on so well together

Now if you want to date exclusively, I highly suggest you wait a while, a long while, until you know more about this "friend" than you do now. What you do need to do, is have a more balanced life, to keep you from becoming to attached, or carried away by being with just her. That's a sure way to be miserable, assuming you're the only friend she meets up with. You could always ask her, but be prepared for whatever she says.

Geez, do people talk to each other any more?? Oh, she has already dumped you once for being to old, or have you forgotten that? You should know where you stand and not push it, relax and step back, and have a life you enjoy without her, "friend"!!

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.