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brokenheart72 · Dec 16, 2009, 03:17 PM

Sounds like when he gives you everything you want and does everything you want he's a great guy but when it doesn't go your way he's a jerk?

AmExp · Dec 16, 2009, 03:52 PM

No,brokenhearted. Not the situation at all. He isn't a jerk. I certainly DO NOT need everything to go my way. I just want to be appreciated. Look, I am not perfect. I am sure that there are definitely things I need to do (in fact, I know there are things I need to do). I just think he thinks that how he treats me sometimes isn't mean.

I love this guy DEARLY and want to marry him and spend my life with him. I just want to know what I am getting into. I have no intentions on leaving him. I just want to know that sometimes I am right about something.

Wondergirl · Dec 16, 2009, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by AmExp

Anyway, everyone thinks he is the sweets most caring person.

Of course, they don't go home with him at night and have to put up with "that other part" of him.

Wondergirl · Dec 16, 2009, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by AmExp

Our break ups have never lasted more than a day.

What does he have to say or do to get you back?

I do things for him because I enjoy it, but only when it's appreciated.

So next time he tells you to dress differently or act differently, tell him no and that you want to dress or act the way you choose, not the way he chooses.

Has he ever slapped you or hit you or pushed you around in anger, when you disagreed with him or didn't want to do something his way?

jmjoseph · Dec 16, 2009, 04:43 PM

In my opinion, he owns you.

Why are you defending him? If he is so wonderful, why are you here?

God forbid, if something were to happen to your pretty face, he would leave you before the bandages came off.

You should leave him yes, but you probably never will.

You two were made for each other.

Toxic yes, but a matched pair.

You are his playtoy, cook , maid, etc. He feels that since he pays for everything, you should jump when he tells you to.

You should have left him when he asked you to call your mother. Who does he think he is?

No, he doesn't trust you at all.

But, what are you going to do about it?

I don't want to hurt your feelings. You seem like a nice person. A little too obsessed with one's looks, but nice none-the-less.

How do your parents like this arrangement. Or does he have them snowed too?

AmExp · Dec 16, 2009, 05:20 PM

No! He has never hit me or anything like that!! If anything, I am the one that sometimes nudges him when I am frustrated ( I SHOULDN'T AND HE DOES NOT FIGHT BACK). I am here because I just wanted someone to tell me that I am right about how he can be sometimes. I feel as though he is mean to me and does not recognize it. I AM HERE because maybe I am the one being far too sensitive and out of control. However, I realize with SOME of the answers that we both need some work. Like I said, I love him and I have no intentions on leaving him, period. I want us to communicate. Thank you for all the comments (good and bad). Like I said, I love him with alll my heart and I would walk on hot coals for him.

As far as "what he says to get me back" he realizes that he misses me OR I realize that I miss him dearly. There isn't some special phrase or anything. No desperation, just love.

brokenheart72 · Dec 16, 2009, 06:02 PM

You need to look within yourself for the answer. All these bitter people are just projecting their own baggage and insecurities about their own failures. You've said he brings you along in everything he does. You said he encourages you to get a job and make new friends. You said he has driven over 3 hours to see your sick grandmother. You said he pays for everything. You said he's never hit you even though you "egg" him on. You said you make him jealous. You said you care about what you look like but he's a jerk because he wants you to llok nice? You said he asked you who got you your necklace and you didn't anser him him just giggled then answered him. Sounds like there are a lot of reasons he might not trust you. Have you ever done anything for him not to trust you? Read his emails? Read his text messgaes? Called any of his friends? Been somewhere and lied where you were? Been caught in a lie, etc... Everyone one here needs to understand there are always 2 sides to an issue... sometimes 3 sides. Ask better questions before they call you"toxic" or whatever. Relationships are hard and take work. Anyone who tells you any thing different is a liar.

jmjoseph · Dec 16, 2009, 06:18 PM

Originally Posted by brokenheart72

You need to look within yourself for the answer. All these bitter people are just projecting their own baggage and insecurities about their own failures. You've said he brings you along in everything he does. You said he encourages you to get a job and make new friends. You said he has driven over 3 hours to see your sick grandmother. You said he pays for everything. You said he's never hit you even though you "egg" him on. You said you make him jealous. You said you care about what you look like but he's a jerk because he wants you to llok nice? You said he asked you who got you your necklace nd you didn't anser him him just giggled then answered him. Sounds like there are a lot of reasons why he might not trust you. Hvae you ever done anything for him not to trust you? Read his emails? Read his text messgaes? Called any of his friends? Been somewhere and lied where you were? Been caught in a lie, etc... Everyone one here needs to understand there are always 2 sides to an issue...sometimes 3 sides. Ask better questions before they call you"toxic" or whatever. Relationships are hard and take work. Anyone who tells you any thing different is a liar.

And just who are "all these bitter people"? Are you referring to all of these people who are responding here, trying to help her?

You need to learn more about this site before you try to give advice like you just have. We know how many sides a story has.

Here you are accusing her of things. Do you think that helps her?

AmExp · Dec 16, 2009, 06:51 PM

Brokenhearted72, I do need to look inside myself for the answer... you sound A LOT like someone I know... (small world and I have a hunch who).

Wondergirl... my parents like my boyfriend! They support me. As long as I am happy and respected and then they are too. He is nice to him and they are cordial to him. No issues.

I don't know, maybe I am mistaking his actions. Maybe he just cares for me and wants to just protect me as much as possible. Is there anything wrong with that?

Also, I am not sure why everyone thinks I am hung up on looks. I want a handsome guy and there is nothing wrong with that. I have been with so so guys and it isn't my thing anymore. My currently boyfriend is dashing and sexy and I like that. The more I think about it, brokenheated72 does make a good point that maybe he is just trying to encourage me to look my best.

brokenheart72 · Dec 16, 2009, 07:23 PM

Just be happy... when you're no longer happy its time to say goodbye. Plain and simple. Good luck to you.

AmExp · Dec 16, 2009, 07:25 PM

I am happy... are YOU in a relationship? You seem to have interesting advice... If so, are YOU happy!

Wondergirl · Dec 16, 2009, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by AmExp

Wondergirl...my parents like my bf!! They support me. As long as I am happy and respected and then they are too. He is nice to him and they are cordial to him. No issues.

Where did that come from? I never said a word about your parents.

AmExp · Dec 16, 2009, 07:47 PM

Sorry, I must have confused you for another poster. Omit that statement. Someone asked me what my parents thought about this.

emopunk7 · Dec 17, 2009, 05:06 AM

Ok... AmExp, you seem to disregard any advice you've gotten. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe coming here made you realize some of your own flaws. Disregarding some of the advice shows how dedicated you are to this man. That is very nice. All relationships have problems. Your man just seems to be a bit insecure. I wouldn't give advice to leave him for this. Instead have a nice chat with him about this when you are both calm and laying by each other. Tell him how much you love him and how great he is. Then let him know that you don't enjoy how sometimes he gets jealous and that it hurts you in a way. Let him know how these things affect you without nudging him. Remember, feelings will always come, but it's how we deal with them that matters. You will always have to live with your decisions, so always think before you act. Sometimes just going home and not saying anything until you cool off is better than saying "break up". Saying those words builds doubt in his head and words can do lots of damage. These are little things that you can do because I know you care. This site is here for you and we just want what is best for you. Always take care of yourself and remember how important and awesome you are.

talaniman · Dec 17, 2009, 10:32 AM

For the entire story, refer here.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=5894044
And one thing that stands out are that your working through your own insecurities and have questions, rightfully so. He is an older guy and you defer to him and his opinions, and that's pretty natural given the age differences.

As you become closer though, you will see, and learn, things about him that may not be so attractive, as your over the honeymoon stage already, but are still learning the nuances of each others ways.

The idea is to learn how to honestly communicate with each other to resolve any issues that come up, and establish and define this relationship so it works for you both.

He maybe a bit more experienced, having been married, so its no longer just dating, but working together. How you do it, heavily depends on communications, and not just talking, but listening, and paying attention to each other.

For now he is the more experienced, but your learning fast, so give him feedback as to his actions, when you don't like them, or are confused, just because you need to know, and he should tell you.

The bottom line is learning how to work together. That is an ongoing lifetime thing. If you both last that long.

brokenheart72 · Dec 17, 2009, 10:43 AM

I agree with everything the last few posts are saying. There's always a fine line between giving your heart to someone but still maintaining who you are. You're doing great it sounds like. Take what others tell you with a grain of salt and look into your heart. I'm sure he loves you dearly.

AmExp · Dec 17, 2009, 08:51 PM

My man and I talked and I just think it was a communication issue. All is well and we will only get stronger. I know we will. I think control is the wrong work... he cares about me (as I do him). I don't want to split up and I don't think he wants to either. Thank you again for all the comments ( good and bad).