[BuckyLS50]

So I'm currently dating a girl who is a few years younger than me. We have been talking/dating since the beginning of April 2008. I love her so much... Like I said she is a few years younger (6) and she just recently since thanksgiving has started to realize that she is scared of how she feels towards me as well as the other way around... But she is also scared b.c of the thoughts (sex) she is getting now b.c of how strong her feelings are towards me. As I said I love this girl so much and want to do anything to keep her in my life. Any suggestions?? ASAP...

[Enigma1999]

Hello Bucky,

You mentioned that she is younger, so how old are you, please?

Also, does she say what scares her so much about these thoughts?

Please provide just a little more information to help me better understand you?

Thanks.

[BuckyLS50]

She is 18.

She has never really had a boyfriend and she is scared b.c she doesn't know if these feelings are normal and that she is scared b.c she doesn't see how my feelings for her are true, b.c I'm so much older. Since she is a virgin and I'm not that makes her feel uncomfy about those feelings.

Hope that helps..

[Enigma1999]

Hello again Bucky,

Yes, thank you, it does help.

I understand where she is coming from. She is 18 and you are 24ish, you are more experienced then she, in all aspects. That scares her so. It sounds to me that she really cares for you deeply, she just doesn't want to get hurt.

Can I ask, have you tried to make love to her? If so, how does she react towards you?

Again, you have to realize that she is younger then you, not only age as in a number, but mentally as well.

You say that you love her very much, which I'm sure is true, you just need to reasure her of that, and take your time with her. Be empathetic to her needs. She is new at this, according to your post, so be patient with her and in time she will open up to you more. I was her age once before, so I understand exactly where she is coming from. Lol

I wish you luck.

[BuckyLS50]

Thank you. And I have told her numerous times and she believes me that I would never hurt her... No I haven't tried to do anything with her. She is wanting to wait till she is 100% sure that's the guy she will end up with. And I totally respect that and I'm behind her 110%.

[Enigma1999]

Hello again Bucky,

It sounds to me that all she need is time and patience from you, which sounds as if you are doing those things.

So, just keep doing what you have been doing, and time will tell. In time, she will get over her fears.

Also, I commend her for waiting until she knows for sure, as well as I commend you for not pushing the issue with her.

Good luck.

[BuckyLS50]

Thank you... Hopefully everything will work out for the better... I asked for help b.c she is thinking about breaking up b.c of it. I will let you know how it all works out.

[Enigma1999]

Please do.. and good luck.

[I wish]

Assure her that she doesn't have to do anything that she's uncomfortable with.

Seeing that she's only 18, she's going to have a lot of soul-searching to do, so you're going to have to be very patient with her rollar-coaster emotions over the next few years.

The best thing you can do is stand by her side and support her. She's going to have to be the one to figure things out. As a guy, we like to help the girl find solutions, but most of the time, they just want us to listen to them vent.

[Jake2008]

I think her immaturity is showing.

If she is afraid of intimacy to the point of breaking up the relationship, she has some growing up to do.

I agree with the others that keeping your resolve to support her until she is ready, and not pressuring her in any way is the best thing to do.

She may, however, put enough pressure on herself to need to separate from you, which would be sad.

I hope she sees the value in working on other parts of the relationship, equally to the question of sex.

[jaime90]

Before you start a relationship, you need to make your boundaries, and intentions known- especially when it comes to sex. If you are afraid of having sex because it might make things complicated, etc. Those are rational fears. However, you have to realize that it is natural to have the desire for sexual intimacy. If you want to abstain from having sex, you both should try to protect each other from acting on that desire. Talk with her about what your physical boundaries are. She doesn't have to agree with your limits, and you don't have to agree with hers, however, you should both accept each other's opinions on the matter, and respect them. If she cannot do that, then she was not worth having around anyway. (and this is why it is so important to have this talk BEFORE you get your emotions entangled in a relationship... The more you know BEFORE the relationship, the better.)

[BuckyLS50]

Thanks for trying to help guys... Guess she wasn't meant for me. Thanks again.