[KJM]

I was very young when I had my son. His father and I did not last very long together but he did take the father figure for about 3 years, then he just faded away shortly after. My parents never wanted me to ask or force my son's father to be part of our son's life, nor did they want me to mention anything to my son about his real father. When My son was only a few months old I feel in love with who is now my current partner, and he became my son's father figure, we have become a happy family for 10 years now. My Question is what's a decent age to tell a child about his real father in which he can understand and how can I passably tell my son about his father with out hurting his feelings or making him feel depressed?

[ordinaryguy]

So your son's about 13 now? This is a delicate situation. In general, I think it's a mistake to keep big secrets from children. They're more resilient than adults often give them credit for. I think he needs to be told the truth, sooner rather than later. He may or may not take it well, but if he gets upset, it will probably be mostly because you didn't tell him sooner. You might start by telling him that you have misgivings of your own about the past and that's why you've been reluctant to tell him. If your relationship with him is good otherwise, he'll probably be OK with it. Whatever, it's time to get it out in the open and deal with it.

[ScottGem]

Its past time. Its not clear whether the son is 10 or older, but even at 10, its past time.

You probably can't eliminate feelings of hurt at the abandonment by his biological father. If he wants to try and contact him, do not stand in his way.

You can minimze the hurt by talking about how immature both of you were when he was born. How lucky he is that your current partner has accepted and raised him as his own.

Good Luck