[jet_star]

**Warning long post**

My boyfriend broke up with me recently - we hadn't been together very long but I really liked him and saw a potentially great relationship ahead... but he wasn't able to commit to me at the time.

Anyway to cut a long story short we had recently been in touch and things had started to feel comfy again - he had even asked me out on the weekend. I was feeling optimistic. Then it all went wrong,the other night a group of us (including ex) were at a function. I spent all night talking to my ex and having a great time with him. People came back to my house and we had a few more drinks - eventually ex had to leave, he sent me message straight away asking me out the following weekend.

Anyway people gradually go home and I end up having a drink with a friend - she goes home and her partner comes over. We have a drink and a chat - nothing more. The catch is there is history between us and my ex knows this, even worse, the history is pretty recent - just when I first started seeing my ex boyfriend. I was upfront about it with him at the time and he was pretty good about it. Anyway this other guy I have history with is not really to be trusted and my ex knows this...

I assume my ex boyfriend heard (through mutual friends it is highly likely) that we had a drink by ourselves and I am only guessing but I think he must think I was with this guy (very similar to when we first started seeing each other).

I didn't even think any thing of it at the time as it did not cross my mind to be with him, I didn't do anything wrong!! We are friends... admittedly it has been strained recently but that was starting to change. I had just had a great night with my ex and things looked like they may get back on track. Now he hasn't called - when he said he would, or responded to my one call (and he always does.. he's reliable like that.)

I know something is up and I guess it's this but I don't know for sure, and he has obviously gone to ground. I don't know if I should try and fix this or just leave him alone and see if he ever calls to actually ask me about the night..

I want to explain things to him but am fighting that urge as I know it's usually best to do nothing and wait and see - especially as I don't really know what has happened. Last time we had a serious talk he didn't call me back at all - we saw each other at a party and started chatting from there. I don't think he is likely to get in touch - and I suppose that means I should leave it but I am p####d off that this could be ruined just because of something like this!

I know I'm just guessing but I cannot think of any other reason he would change his mind and cut me off so suddenly. My gut tells me to leave it (heart is a different matter of course), I have rung once and he hasn't called back. I don't want to stalk him but I wonder if this is something that couldn't easily be cleared up if he would just speak to me! Should I leave it for a while - weeks/months/forever...

Any ideas?? Is this just too messy and complicated?

I think if he has a problem he should at least try to communicate with me. I have always been honest with him, and he does know that. I am at a loss...

[sabrewolfe]

One thing you could do to ease your mind about the situation is to either write him a letter, email, or leave him a message explaining what happened. The fact that the guy you were with was a very recent boyfriend and you said he couldn't be trusted is probably a good reason for your boyfriend to back off. It's not a good idea to hang out with past boyfriends when your in a new relationship. I understand that nothing happened between you and him, but there are just certain things people should avoid doing when they are in a relationship. So briefly explain yourself and apologize, maybe promise it won't happen again, and tell him that you would like to hear back from him. Then leave it at that. If he really wants to give it another shot, you will hear back from him. If not, then at least you can feel more at ease knowing you had the chance to explain yourself.

[talaniman]

I think you leave him alone, as this is something he has to make up his mind about. Whether its worth working with you or not, and he already has a lot of past baggage to unpack.

Let him, and don't hold your breath waiting on someone who is to occupied with his own issues, to deal with yours too.

He doesn't sound ready to me.