Check out some similar questions!

danielle16 · Dec 14, 2009, 02:42 AM

My boyfriend keeps telling me I'm gaining weight and I should exercise more, then after he sees the reaction on my face he tells me he's kidding. We have been together for about a year and he never had a problem with how I looked until now. I am 5 foot 6 and I weigh 126 pounds, the only reason I have gained weight would be because of going on birth control which I tell him that's the reason (I have gained two pounds). I know he isn't joking about saying I'm fat because he brings it up enough and I can tell. I have talked to him about it but he hasn't changed. I'm starting to get self-conscious and I've always been content and confident on how I looked. I'm just worried he is going to get worse. What should I do about this?

amicon · Dec 14, 2009, 02:52 AM

You've gained 2 pounds and he can't stop moaning about it? Plus he doesn't listen to you when you tell him this upsets you? This sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me, not a loving happy one.
How much more of the same are you willing to put up with?

emopunk7 · Dec 14, 2009, 02:56 AM

Well if he smiles or says he is just kidding afterwards then he at least care how it makes you feel. Maybe that's what he thinks but since you get mad he says just kidding so that you don't stay mad which is kind of sweet. We can't tell you he shouldn't say that because its how he feels. Maybe tell him you will go to the gym but he has to stop saying his comments. Do a little compromise. I would say ditch him or he is a jerk but that doesn't work here. After he says this, you get upset and then he says just kidding means he doesn't want to hurt your feelings but is still willing to let you know how he feels. He expresses while trying to not make it seem like that's all he cares about. He also cares about your feelings and that says a lot.

On another note, if you have mentioned it a few times and he still hasn't stopped then back to the top... Ditch Him!!

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 03:11 AM

Are you being totally honest about the weight gain?

It could be because your not as active as you used to be,but the weight you gave would seem healthy.

As emopunk says,maybe a compromise,you both go for a walk together or hit the gym,maybe a swin once or twice a week.

Take a look at the whole picture,does he respect you,love you care for you.

I know myself I can be sensitive about off the cuff comments.

Again,if this is persistent behaviour and he is not taking into account your hurt feelings,dump him.

I wish · Dec 14, 2009, 08:03 AM

The first thing you need to determine is whether you are happy with your own weight. Because if you are happy and confidence with your weight, then it's his problem.

Don't let him drag you down if you're already healthy.

That being said, 5'6, 126 pounds sounds healthy to me. What does your physician say? Are you sure you're not omitting other facts?

danielle16 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:16 PM

I usually don't care what people think of me no matter what, but it's different with him. I care what he thinks of me. He actually put me on the scale (wii fit) and showed me the two pounds, and I just laughed like the small problem it is. He looks at me seriously and says you have to admit you have gained weight since I've been with you. We have never fought or got mad at each other before. I'm 18 years old, I was happy with how I looked until he made me doubt myself. I just want him to be happy with how I look.

redhed35 · Dec 14, 2009, 12:25 PM

If your happy with how you look, that's what matters...

Is he perfect?

The perfect body,the perfect face?

No, didn't think so.

Tell him to go to hell the next time he says it and have a nice sticky bun.

2 pounds.. sure how would you even notice 2 pounds!

slapshot_oi · Dec 14, 2009, 12:32 PM

He's being an a**hole, there's no other way to put it. Every man out there knows women are particularly sensitive when it comes to age and weight, it's best not to even go there even if your intentions are good. He turns his weight comments into jokes 'cause he's not mean enough to harp on it until you cry, but he's still being a jerk.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he's a bad guy or even a bad boyfriend, but he's clearly trying to get under your skin.

Originally Posted by danielle16

What should I do about this?

Tell him off, or better yet, give it right back to him about one of his short-comings, he'll shut up.

DnJzMommy · Dec 14, 2009, 01:43 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...lk-303157.html

Unless you can obey the rules and write in a clear fashion your post will be deleted.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2009, 08:27 PM

This not about the weight but how his "kidding" makes you feel, so instead of getting insecure, get even, by making him sleep on the porch, and announce as you close the front door, and lock it, "just kidding" and go have a great night sleep.

He will think twice next time, if you let him know his words, and actions, have consequences, and your not going to take his bad behavior laying down.

emopunk7 · Dec 14, 2009, 09:36 PM

Hey tman... I like that idea. But how come after I did a little revenge after my ex lied to me 4 times, it was frowned upon? My brother says is was a great move though.

phoenix5458 · Dec 14, 2009, 10:50 PM

I wouldn't be surprised that if you check online, or better yet with your doctor, that 5'6"/126 lbs. is actually somewhat underweight!

And there's a name for what he's doing. It's called being passive-aggressive. If he keeps bringing it up, then he's not "just kidding." And two pounds isn't noticeable on anyone unless they are gaunt to begin with. I would wonder if he has some other agenda, something else on his mind that he can't or won't express, and is replacing it with a false "issue" -- a two lb. weight gain!

talaniman · Dec 15, 2009, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

hey tman...i like that idea. But how come after I did a little revenge after my ex lied to me 4 times, it was frowned upon? My brother says is was a great move though.

Revenge is not the goal or idea. Standing up for yourself is. After telling someone over and over, your words hurt, and they don't listen, then you have to make adjustments to the message. In your case Emo, nipping things in the bud would have been my action after the first lie, and it wouldn't have gone as far as 4 lies. That's to far to take it for me.

I have to admit though that most people don't have the acid tongue, or the quick sarcastic wit, to back people off. But if I knew my words, or actions were causing grief to my partner, then I wouldn't do it.

notsogreat · Dec 15, 2009, 11:22 AM

Your BMI is 20.3

BMI Categories:

Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

Devorameira · Dec 15, 2009, 11:31 AM

Unbelievable - 5' 6" and 126# is not fat in the least! I'd love to be so lucky!!! Don't allow him to murder your self-confidence. Speak up and tell him to shut up :mad:. If he doesn't, I'd be dumping him and finding someone who respects me!

slapshot_oi · Dec 15, 2009, 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

hey tman...i like that idea. But how come after I did a little revenge after my ex lied to me 4 times, it was frowned upon? My brother says is was a great move though.

Lying is a lot different, now you're talking about distrust, which always destroys relationships. And whatever revenge you exacted wasn't well received because the whole point of revenge is to inflict pain, and when one person doesn't trust the other, it digs that much deeper. Always take the high road, which in your case would've been to break-up instead prolonging the problem until the day you two broke up anyway.

Her boyfriend's problem is he's a little too loose with his tongue and she needs to give him a swift kick in the a** to show him she means business, you know, standing up for yourself. And, usually, that's what the antagonizer is usually looking for, some resistance. If he was downright evil with his abuse then she should obviously leave, but that doesn't seem like that case.

DnJzMommy · Dec 17, 2009, 01:22 PM

Its completely understandable why you think so highly of how he feels- of course- your in a relationship- we look good to please them lol. But for him to sit there and say things that he knows hurts you is crossing the line. No one- boyfriend, friend, etc. should ever say things to someone they say they care about that they know will hurt their feelings. It just doesn't sound right. I mean, would you say something that your friend literally pulled you aside and told you hurt them? You wouldn't dare to say it again because you wouldn't want to lose that persons respect and trust right.
You seem like you care for him dearly, but don't let him take control either. Your weight with your height sounds perfect. In fact I wish I was your exact size lol. So in my opinion he's been comparing you instead of looking at you. And he's comparing you to very fake people. If you are OK with yourself, you should never let anyone say things like that to put you down. Some people try to put others down to make them feel superior. (unfortunately he's selfish enough to even pull you down). Truth of the matter is- if this is something that is getting worse even after saying things like "ok so do something with me- lets take walks or work out together" (make an effort to involve him) and see how he responds- if it's a big issue- he's just looking for an exuse to let you go.
At the end of the day- I know its your decision. And I know that we never take our own advice or take the advice of strangers all the time- even this piece- I know there's a huge chance your going to just read this and then find something you didn't like and brush it off- we all do it (completely normal) But if there's one thing I want you to really think about is this: WHAT WOULD YOU TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND (YOUR BEST FRIEND ON THE ENTIRE WORLD) IF HE/SHE TOLD YOU THEY WERE BEING TREATED THEY WAY YOU ARE? WHAT WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO DO/ THINK/ FEEL/ ETC. Even if you wonna write a letter to yourself expressing how you feel then go back and re-read it like it was from a friend. Put yourself first- because men will come and go - but at the end of everything- you are the only person that will make or break any situation. Wishing you the best

Gemini54 · Dec 17, 2009, 02:24 PM

He put you on the scales and said 'you must admit you've put on weight since we met'... (and you've only gained 2 lbs)??

Perhaps he's lost some brain cells since you met.

The guy's a jerk, and he's trying to control you by making you feel bad about yourself. Sit him down quietly, look him deep in the eyes and say; 'honey, I really care for you but your comments about my minimal weigh gain are starting to annoy me. I want you to know I'm happy with the way I look, and I don't want you to mention my weight again'.

So, if he does mention the topic again, you know that he REALLY is a jerk.

elllabellla · Jan 20, 2010, 02:32 AM

I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because he was constantly commenting about the softness of the back of my legs. He would say that he knows all women have cellulite problems on their hips and thighs and would like for to me to try to work on it. I am 5'3 and 105lbs and gained about 4-6lbs over the holidays (weight that I would lose on my own anyway!). He told me that he couldn't be with someone who didn't at least try and was annoyed because I wasn't expressing to him my plans to work out. He would ask me everyday if I went jogging. I live in Paris and New York and it is FREEZING and raining outside, so morning jogs don't always work out in January. I had been asking him for months to please stop commenting about my my hips and thighs and explained that I have an Italian figure and that my hips will always be bigger than my waist no matter how skinny I get. After an email from him once again asking me to "try to work" on toning my thighs, I called him and told him to never contact me again and wished him good luck on finding his perfect girlfriend. This behaviour is abusive! My male room mate who has overheard our conversations summed it up perfectly. He said "Your boyfriend is supposed to make you feel like you are the cutest girl in the world!" To sum it up,I really cared about this guy and really thought that we would get married... but unfortunately for him, I care about me more! I hope my story will inspire other women to not take this abuse!

Gemini54 · Jan 20, 2010, 03:12 AM

Originally Posted by elllabellla

I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because he was constantly commenting about the softness of the back of my legs. He would say that he knows all women have cellulite problems on their hips and thighs and would like for to me to try to work on it. I am 5'3 and 105lbs and gained about 4-6lbs over the holidays (weight that I would lose on my own anyway!). He told me that he couldn't be with someone who didn't at least try and was annoyed because I wasn't expressing to him my plans to work out. He would ask me everyday if I went jogging. I live in Paris and New York and it is FREEZING and raining outside, so morning jogs don't always work out in January. I had been asking him for months to please stop commenting about my my hips and thighs and explained that I have an Italian figure and that my hips will always be bigger than my waist no matter how skinny I get. After an email from him once again asking me to "try to work" on toning my thighs, I called him and told him to never contact me again and wished him good luck on finding his perfect girlfriend. This behaviour is abusive! My male room mate who has overheard our conversations summed it up perfectly. He said "Your boyfriend is supposed to make you feel like you are the cutest girl in the world!" To sum it up,I really cared about this guy and really thought that we would get married...but unfortunately for him, I care about me more! I hope my story will inspire other women to not take this abuse!

Well done ella! Guys like that are not worth having around - keep on caring about you and love that gorgeous figure!