[luvstosmile]

I dated his bestfriend(am talking about 'like a brother to me' best friend thing) for two years. While dating his best friend I felt attracted to him but I never cheated on my ex with him. Considering his behavior then( texting, calling, being nice) it will be safe to assume he felt attracted to me too. We both had problems with my ex because he suspected we were cheating. During this problem, he suddenly traveled overseas without telling me. After he left he called me for about a month then we lost contact. A year after I broke up with my ex, I saw him online. Apparently, he and my ex had problems because of the suspected "betrayal" with me and did not maintain contact either. It took me a whole year to really get over my ex and it was not an easy journey. But just when I did it, I met this old friend online. And what started as an innocent catching up on old times is what makes me cry now. For a while I really believed he liked me. He was very nice and caring and always seemed to want to talk to me. But for I haven't spoken to him in about three weeks now. He says he just wants to stay off the internet for a while but I know he comes online(not that I am a stalker or anything). I now realise that he's probably not interested. But there's one little problem: I've fallen for him- real bad. And I don't even know how to start getting over him. Besides, I know it will probably not work He's a great guy and all that. But we lives miles away... like on different continents actually. Am a 'fun nerd' , he drinks and does drugs(honestly, not that I really care about that), he's dated tons of girls, I've dated once. He has never said he loves me. He has never asked me out so I don't think I can back out of our friendship. But for some reason, I can't get him out of my mind( and I've tried). Besides, he and my ex just started to build on their friendship and even though we have broken up, we're still friends. I don't think falling in love with him will help their friendship and I don't want that kind of guilt anyway. I recently moved to the US and have not made friends I can really talk to because it takes me time to build that kind of friendships. I think its great here but I miss my old friends, I miss my old life and am trying to get my heart broken. Anyone has any advice that'll help? Should I ask him if he's avoiding me? Will it be wrong for me to date him? Does he sound right for me? How do I get over him? Should I keep up the "It's ok we're just friends" attitude when I am not? I would really appreciate any help...

[sandalwood7]

Have you told him your feelings? Does he live near to you now?

[ohsohappy]

Oh gosh. . Where are you from originally?

[sandalwood7]

I think that
1) It is very hard to start a long distance non-platonic relationship (long distance is hard, even if you have been together/close before)
2) If you really like him, I would try and stay friends, but I would forget about having a relationship when/if he is so far away 9unless you have 'it ' real bad!). You could think of it as a chance to get to know each other properly without the physical
3) when you are far away from homeit can be easier to dream of things that are familiar and long for them, rather than finding out what the new place has to offer. Who knows... perhaps there is someone round the corner for you in USA and if you keep pining for this guy who lives far away you won't be open to new people/new experiences?
4) I stringly believe that if two people want to be together, they will find a way to be together (whether it is a good or a bad idea!). If he likes you in the same way then it might happen. You have to let life take its course sometimes (passive option)
5) You can never know what will happen unless you tell him your feelings (active option) But is this the right time now? You need to think about this. It is hard to judge the closeness of your relationship/friendship with him, but trust your instincts (If you feel that there is a special connection between each other then go for it. If you have to think aboit whether this is the case then it is probably not). Love and connection happensnaturally and cannot be forced.

[sandalwood7]

By the way 'fun nerd' sounds like great thing to be! Awesome

[I wish]

Block him out of your life until you're over him. Block and delete him fro IM so that you don't have the urge to talk to him. Talking to him will only prolong the agony and prevent you from moving on with your life. Leave both guys in the past.

You're in a new country. Meet new people. Fresh start. Don't live in the past.

[dontknownuthin]

You don't know where he stands, so I'd assume he's a non-entity in your life and move on. Study, go to work, hang out with your friends - whatever your life is about, and don't factor him into it. If you have the opportunity to date other people, go for it.

Leave the door open and if he comes to you and expresses an interest in dating you, you can then assess whether you feel comfortable with his level of interest in you.

I've learned in relationships that when you have really strong feelings for someone, you have to go by their actions and not read into every little thing. If words and actions don't match, the actions probably are more valid.

It's probably for the best not to get into a relationship with someone far away - it's a very lonely way to live and makes it hard to live fully where you are.

I'd chalk it up to a crush and let it go. And how? You can't actively forget something but you can distract yourself by recommitting to other things in your life that are important to you.

[luvstosmile]

Thank you all for replying... I guess I'll just have to work on forgetting him. Sucks, but I think I owe it to myself. Sandy, he lives in the netherlands... :( glad someone thinks being nerdy is cool... yay!! Thank you all anyway. Am feeling all positive now but am going to break down after a few tries then I'll come pour my heart out to y'all again... :)

[Gemini54]

I think you've fallen for him because he's familiar, you're in a new place and you're lonely. It's a bit like comfort food - it's comfortable and there are no surprises.

You've actually listed all the reasons NOT to turn this into a relationship in your post;

Distance
The friendship with your ex
Difference in sexual & relationship experience
He does drugs

See it as a nice fantasy while it lasted. Focus on meeting new people and doing new things. It's hard to begin with but in a couple of months you'll be thinking... "the ex's best friend - who?"

Good luck!