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jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 02:42 PM

... by the next day...

It was our 3rd time breaking up during a 3 yr long distance relationship, she was ready to move up to my city but I did not like the idea because I was still building my career and she has 2 kids from another man...

So that next day she went out and seems to have found another man to quickly take my place, posted amateur modeling pics on her myspace that were practically nude, and just would not let me explain how I wanted to fix things...

She told me that "why should i stay home and cry?" and come to find out the guy has basically took my place but only on dating terms... like she has changed within a span of a week...

During that span I just wanted her back so badly because I'm alone and hardly have any friends, while she is enjoying her new found single life... it hurts badly and I just don't know what to do next...

I am constantly wondering what she is doing even though I have cut off all Facebook, myspace, phone, text communication...

I wasn't fully attached to the kids and just was focused on myself too much to really consider her my future one and only...

I pray to God that we eventually cross paths and get together because it is hard to find a good woman, she was so good but now she has changed to a girl who likes to wear short skirts, and quickly find a replacement guy who she had known before through a best friend, they just started to get to know each other so there was no prior friendship between her and the guy...

I just don't know what to do, everybody says to move on and find things to occupy your time, etc, but I am almost to the point of proposing to get her back...

Help me...

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 02:50 PM

Even after trying for 3 days straight of how I was ready to change for the better for her and her family, she would get frustrated and mad and just wanted to change her number to get me out of the picture...

She just would never give me the chance... I just hope the best for her and that she does come back in my life...

I just don't know what to do? Do I do no communication? Its so hard because my friends are her friends and she is about to start working with my friend's wife in the town where I'm from but where I am not currently living at...

JoeCanada76 · Dec 6, 2009, 03:01 PM

Maybe she always had another relationship going anyway. It seems to me that you both did not live in the same city.

Sorry to say, I know it is tough but you both are better off without each other.

NO COMMUNICATION. It is over.

I pray that she does not meet paths with you again because it would not be a good idea.

It takes time to heal but wanting somebody you can not have now, is just wasting precious energy.

Do not worry about anybody else, true friends will still be your true friends no matter what happens if they are not then too bad really.

Do not change for anybody except for yourself. Straighten yourself out, work on yourself and maybe down the road you will be ready for a new and better relationship with somebody else.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2009, 03:03 PM

Move on, there is only so many "chances" we can ever get. Some times we never get any chances.

So at the end of the day you often have to just move on

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Maybe she always had another relationship going anyway. It seems to me that you both did not live in the same city.

Sorry to say, I know it is tough but you both are better off without each other.

NO COMMUNICATION. It is over.

I pray that she does not meet paths with you again because it would not be a good idea.

It takes time to heal but wanting somebody you can not have now, is just wasting precious energy.

Do not worry about anybody else, true friends will still be your true friends no matter what happens if they are not then too bad really.

Do not change for anybody except for yourself. Straighten yourself out, work on yourself and maybe down the road you will be ready for a new and better relationship with somebody else.

She never had another relationship, she spent all her money and devotion on me, I also failed to mention how we would argue over petty things , etc.

I just wish I never made the decision to leave and not try again... it seems to have made her a horrible person now...

I mean she is even posting almost nude pics aka modeling pics on her myspace, dancing with the new guy in front of my friends so my friends can tell me, she wants me to go through this pain because of the pain I put her through...

Also I did fail to mention that she is divorced and with 2 kids all by the age of 24...

redhed35 · Dec 6, 2009, 03:26 PM

Well my take on this is you broke her heart,you broke the promises and most likely her dreams.. you don't get a say in how she deals with a broken heart, one that YOU smashed...

You may not have been close to her kids but she is... you did her a favour,and ended it before she moved her life and her children's life for you...

And so what if she is divorced and has 2 kids at 24.

My advice,leave her alone,move on...

You made a decision to break it off.

sabrewolfe · Dec 6, 2009, 03:48 PM

Give it a shot, ask her if she will see you again. If not, then you have your answer and need to move on. She has, you let her go. In her eyes, if you were serious about the relationship, you wouldn't have. You lost some trust there with her. If she does take you back, I can almost be certain it will be on her terms, and you will have to be prepared to accept that. But if she doesn't want you back, let her alone and let her be happy. Don't try to persuade her, you will only end up hurting yourself.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 03:58 PM

I am trying so hard but I always want to hack her emails, networking sites, etc... that how crazy it has gotten...

@sabre I've already tried and she wants nothing to do with me, at first she said to a friend that she loves me but can't be with me...

I'm just really hurt on how she could move on so quickly... esp with what we had... my heart wants to move on and wait for god's guidance but my mind wants to stalk, call, and beg her back...

talaniman · Dec 6, 2009, 04:35 PM

Quote by jaffeyjoeblaze;
I am trying so hard but I always want to hack her emails, networking sites, etc... that how crazy it has gotten...

Then you need to do whatever it takes to calm down and be rational, before you make a complete idiot of yourself. That kind of behavior is unacceptable for any reason.

@sabre Ive already tried and she wants nothing to do with me, at first she said to a friend that she loves me but can't be with me...

Its up to you to accept that its over, and take the right steps to man up, and get control over yourself

I'm just really hurt on how she could move on so quickly... esp with what we had... my heart wants to move on and wait for god's guidance but my mind wants to stalk, call, and beg her back...

The truth is, what you thought you had was riddled with disagreements, and bad behavior. Come on guy, how do you break up 3 times, in 3 years, and not expect somebody to not get sick, and tired of this make up break up stuff. How is it you expect someone to keep going along with such a wacky program?

Worse, if you haven't fixed things in 3 years what kind of faith would she have to have to believe this time would be different.

I get the being hurt part, all break ups suck to high heaven, but that's not a reason at all to act selfishly, or stupidly. No you haven't changed her, frustrated, and sick and tired and angry maybe but she is bound to do what she wants now and you better leave her alone, and get your own act together, and under control, that's what you should do.

Your friends, and everyone else has told you to move on, and that's also what you should do, so read the stickies when you get the tears from your eyes and take everyone's suggestion. Move on!

There is a link in my signature to the stickies.

Gemini54 · Dec 6, 2009, 04:58 PM

You've broken up 3 times in 3 years in a long distance relationship with someone that's 24 and had 2 children from a previous marriage.

The writing was always on the wall with this one. She wants her freedom and you're upset because she moved on quickly and is now flaunting her wares over the internet.

But, admit it, you always had doubts. The kids, the distance, the arguments. Sure, it sucks because she was the one that did the breaking up and now she's the one that's moved on, seemingly without regrets.

What did you REALLY have with her? Be honest, it wasn't as good in reality as it now looks in hindsight. There was no real future with her, and, it's always super difficult to take on children that are not your own.

Take a deep breath, take a step back and take a reality check. She doesn't want you, and you were never totally certain about her. It's a blow to the pride, but it's not fatal.

Get her out of your life - go total NC and focus on the things in your life that are meaningful. Yes, it will take a while to get the obsessive thoughts out of your head but you will do it.

At least now when you go in to a new relationship, and you will eventually, you'll have a clearer idea of what you don't want!

paxe · Dec 6, 2009, 05:05 PM

I think it's a good thing you are focusing on your career but for me the "not having friends" is a red flags. Maybe this break up is going to be good for you. You'll force yourself to be more sociable, more friendly, meet new people, take care of yourself, really concentrate on your future... There is many things you can discover.

You have a syndrome of wanting what you can't have, which is pretty common. You need to heal and take care of yourself, apply NC and stick to it. Go to the gym, take care of your body, take care of your mind and reconnect with old friends.

What your life becomes now is up to you.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 05:53 PM

I actually went through her info again (myspace, email, phone log)... I need to stop this! If she can move on, then I can move on! I have a job with a degree, no kids, nothing to hold me back and the future is wide open for me, while she has no job, is a single mom, and is making the wrong decisions for herself!

I need to worry about me and my new career! I just need to step away from stalking her and put that time into something to better myself or to help me through.

I know the new guy she has will eventually hurt her and he doesn't have anything compared to me... he works at a walgreens! And when that time comes and she's by herself I will be happy and glad of the choices I made...

Starting NO COMMUNICATION now!

The only thing I worry about is seeing her back in my hometown during christmas...

paxe · Dec 6, 2009, 05:56 PM

Whatever makes your day buddy, if you're using anger to get over her and do all the right thing, then I'm all for it.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 06:01 PM

Its anger, yet it is empowerment for me! Its actually making me feel better and more pressure to me to let go

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 06:14 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

You've broken up 3 times in 3 years in a long distance relationship with someone that's 24 and had 2 children from a previous marriage.

The writing was always on the wall with this one. She wants her freedom and you're upset because she moved on quickly and is now flaunting her wares over the internet.

But, admit it, you always had doubts. The kids, the distance, the arguments. Sure, it sucks because she was the one that did the breaking up and now she's the one that's moved on, seemingly without regrets.

What did you REALLY have with her? Be honest, it wasn't as good in reality as it now looks in hindsight. There was no real future with her, and, it's always super difficult to take on children that are not your own.

Take a deep breath, take a step back and take a reality check. She doesn't want you, and you were never totally certain about her. It's a blow to the pride, but it's not fatal.

Get her out of your life - go total NC and focus on the things in your life that are meaningful. Yes, it will take a while to get the obsessive thoughts out of your head but you will do it.

At least now when you go in to a new relationship, and you will eventually, you'll have a clearer idea of what you don't want!

Wow this really made sense of everything... it makes me realize that doing this break up was the best thing for all of us... her and her kids can find somebody that wants stepchildren and a full commitment

As for me I can finally do whatever I didn't do while with her... I can focus completely on me...

jmjoseph · Dec 6, 2009, 07:10 PM

Let me get this straight. And I'm going to be harsh, I'm sure of it.

YOU broke up with her because she wanted to move to be closer to YOU. YOU changed YOUR mind about the relationship because she had kids, and YOU wanted to be selfish and work on YOUR career. Is that right so far?

Now, you want her back, and you are upset with her, because she is getting on with her life, and posting pictures on Myspace.

Well, it really isn't any of your concern of what she is doing, or what she wears.

You had your chance with her, and you blew it. It sounds as if you didn't like the fact that she even had kids, much less try to get close to them.

Take what you are feeling, and learn from it.

Move on, she is no longer yours.

Sorry for being so blunt, but the breakup was your idea. Live with it.

Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it is gone.

Good luck on the next one.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 6, 2009, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Let me get this straight. And I'm going to be harsh, I'm sure of it.

YOU broke up with her because she wanted to move to be closer to YOU. YOU changed YOUR mind about the relationship because she had kids, and YOU wanted to be selfish and work on YOUR career. Is that right so far?

Now, you want her back, and you are upset with her, because she is getting on with her life, and posting pictures on Myspace.

Well, it really isn't any of your concern of what she is doing, or what she wears.

You had your chance with her, and you blew it. It sounds as if you didn't like the fact that she even had kids, much less try to get close to them.

Take what you are feeling, and learn from it.

Move on, she is no longer yours.

Sorry for being so blunt, but the breakup was your idea. Live with it.

Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it is gone.

Good luck on the next one.

Wow that's what I need is the blunt responses... I need to get past it all

JoeCanada76 · Dec 6, 2009, 07:47 PM

Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

Wow thats what i need is the blunt responses.....i need to get past it all

I am happy to see that it is all sinking in. With too many people they stay in denial for long periods and just get defensive.

Your taking every bodies advice very well and hope you learn from it. Take care and anytime you have any kind of doubt just re read all the responses you have got so far.

Joe

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 7, 2009, 05:33 AM

Well this morning I went back to my old ways briefly, just to see what her status said... and to her phone log, etc...

It proves everything I already know so why do I keep doing it? I know this was the relationship I couldn't have now in my point of life but it just stings to see she is finally happy and I failed to give her happiness, well I did give it to her until I changed...

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 7, 2009, 08:03 AM

I need to realize that I have a degree in business, no children, and nobody to answer to and I can move anywhere I please, financially, career wise, and romatically

While she is stuck living with her mom at the age of 24 with no job, 2 kids, with a guy who works at walgreens... all in a town that traps you if you never move and there is nothing really happening... its a 1 bar town with the typical chilis and walmart...

Im in a city where there are many people and plenty of more beautiful women to find and it will be a fun adventure! MY LIFE IS BEGINNING AND I WILL LET HER GO AND LET GOD GUIDE ME TO THE RIGHT PERSON WHETHER IT IS HER OR NOT! IT WILL PROBABLY BE SOMEBODY BETTER AND LIFE WILL WORK OUT IN THE END!