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redhed35 · Dec 3, 2009, 12:11 PM

How did you break up with your lover?

Are you the 'lets be friends' type?

Did you go out for milk and never come back?

Or the ever faithful 'its not you its me'?

As a teenager I got my friends to do the dirty work,in my 20's I used the 'its not you its me' and in my 30's I used 'its not ME its YOU'

And now that I have reached the holy grail of coupledom, I've had my last first kiss,and my last first time,and the days of insecurity and fretting are over,I look back at the guys who did not make the grade, and think,ah bless, what an idiot!

So come on you heartbreakers, dish the dirt, did you leave without a good bye or stay for one last time..

(I tried to put this in the lounge,but the new skin would not let me)

jaime90 · Dec 3, 2009, 12:19 PM

Wow. Insecurity, fretting, heartbreak, and breaking hearts? Not for me. And I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I'm very keen on dating, relationship, how the healthy ones work, and how to avoid the unhealthy ones. I've been to relationship counseling, and have befriended many more guys than gals in my life, so I understand the opposite sex, and relate to guys quite well, (growing up an adventurous, daring little girl with 3 brothers and 1 twin sister may have had something to do with that.)

It might surprise people to know that I have never dated once in my entire life, and have never broken up. I have a one and only-first kiss, first hug, first boyfriend, I'm only 19 but I met him when I was 15, by the time I was 16 I knew he was the one for me. Even as a 15 year old, I was observing my guyfriends because I knew that one day I would befriend the man I was going to marry... we're now engaged to be married, and I know that I'm part of the minority, but I'd like to direct others toward the same mindset- why date around, or sleeparound, or break up 20 times in your life, when a good way to prevent a break-up, and jumping from guy-to-guy trying to find the right one, is simply knowing him as a friend before you start the romance.
That's just my take on breaking up, etc. I've never done it. =D

redhed35 · Dec 3, 2009, 12:27 PM

Hey jaime,that's a very mature outlook,and you are one of the lucky ones,many people in there 30's and 40's are still trying to grasp the concept of getting to know a guy first...

For me, I jumped right in,and have the scars to show for it,but I learned many lessons about breakups and makeups ,I guess I took the long way around to reach where I am today...

I have also broken up with men,the nice way and the not so nice way...

slapshot_oi · Dec 3, 2009, 12:41 PM

I just stopped talking to the last girl I was seeing--that's my usual MO if I'm the one calling it off, which is rare--that was in early to mid-August I believe. Then this past Saturday, I see her at a show, I was not expecting her to be there.

I said: "You don't call me anymore, I never see you at parties at Sloth's, you never want to see me, what's the deal?!"

You should've seen the look on her face. She laughed, at least I think she did, I was pretty drunk.

jaime90 · Dec 3, 2009, 12:44 PM

Hey redhed, don't get me wrong, having dating experience and getting to know several guys in a relationship are not bad things. Getting involved too fast can make things messy though- you can trace a lot of break-ups right back to the beginning, where one person was not who the other one thought they were, or emotional involvement happened way too soon... This can only end in broken hearts, and ex's can cause awkwardness, and problems in any future relationships or marriages. (my mom has accused my dad of contacting his ex's and vice versa... I've only seen it do bad, not good.)

88sunflower · Dec 3, 2009, 12:48 PM

I guess I am kind of with Jaime. One serious guy I dated I dumped. He was a jealous possesive loser. After that I just kind of hung around and kept the guys who asked me out as friends. If I got to like them I just didn't go for it. For some reason I never took it past friendship level.

There was one I did try taking past the friends thing but he was crazy. Crazy fun to have as a friend, not as a boyfriend. I told him after a few weeks I was over it. Guess he didn't like it. He parked in front of my house super drunk and upset. I was annoyed, called the cops and they handled it. He pretended to be sleeping after he realized they were there. They did that smelling stick thing under his nose to wake him, even though he was awake. Made it even funnier. I had his class ring. The cops gave it back to him for me. We ended up best friends again after that. He bacame great friends with my now husband and then he went on to marry my cousin.

spitvenom · Dec 3, 2009, 12:51 PM

I have always been the one who does the break up. I just put it all out there. I would always explain why we are not compatible and why it makes sense. Strangely enough it works pretty well (well most of the time). I have only been dumped once then 6 months after that she realized she made a mistake. We have been together ever since and will be celebrating out first anniversary in January.

Although I have to say I miss the excitement of walking into a new girls bedroom for the first time. Wondering if she has a boyfriend or husband that has happened to me and I had to literally jump out a window my knee still isn't right because of that one. But I wouldn't trade what my wife and I have for anything.

amicon · Dec 3, 2009, 12:54 PM

Great thread-with me its mostly been-this isn't working anylonger we can't communicate anymore-and then I've gone NC on them,even before I called it NC.

redhed35 · Dec 3, 2009, 01:02 PM

In my 30's I realised I just could not take anymore cr*p dates... I remember on date the guy was looking around and leering at every female in the place,I got up and left.. never answered his calls again...

That's the only quick escape I had I make...

adam_89 · Dec 3, 2009, 01:24 PM

Well When I was a big jock I went through girls week after week. When I wanted to date another girl I would use the line, "I think we should just be friends" Sometimes I would just say, "Hey, it is over" Some went like, "I think I just want to be single for awhile and then maybe we can get back together"

Now I am just a fat guy and I am more appreciative of what I have. I am scared to break up with a girl. Haha. I usually let things build in me for months and months until I say, "I can't take it anymore, it's over"

I think that is about it.

Just Dahlia · Dec 3, 2009, 09:43 PM

I used to let men walk all over me and I never broke up with them:( Years of dating the same guy.
The last guy I dated for 2 1/2 years. He was living with me (on and off) because he also lived with his Mother:rolleyes: I went on vacation in Oct. 91 for 3 days with a girlfriend and met her brother. When I came back I told the boyfriend to get out (in a nice way) He packed his few belongings and I moved to California in November 1991, married Glen in Dec 91.
18 years today:D and he is sleeping:rolleyes:
So I guess my point is that I really didn't care until I either grew up or found the right one:)

Stringer · Dec 3, 2009, 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

I used to let men walk all over me and I never broke up with them:( Years of dating the same guy.
The last guy I dated for 2 1/2 years. He was living with me (on and off) because he also lived with his Mother:rolleyes: I went on vacation in Oct. 91 for 3 days with a girlfriend and met her brother. When I came back I told the boyfriend to get out (in a nice way) He packed his few belongings and I moved to California in November 1991, married Glen in Dec 91.
18 years today:D and he is sleeping:rolleyes:
So I guess my point is that I really didn't care until I either grew up or found the right one:)

Happy Anniversary JD. :)

Stringer

rockie100 · Dec 3, 2009, 11:23 PM

Last breakup was in 07, so not that long ago. Anyway, I handed him a UHaul receipt. I said 'Gee, If I knew It was that cheap to rent one of those, I would have left last month.' He looked shocked, but shouldn't have been. Backround info: He was a dry drunk. Unbareable to live with... felt good to do it the way I did. I was out within the week.

mudweiser · Dec 3, 2009, 11:52 PM

I just leave.

88sunflower · Dec 4, 2009, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

in my 30's i realised i just could not take anymore cr*p dates...i remember on date the guy was looking around and leering at every female in the place,i got up and left..never answered his calls again...

thats the only quick escape i had i make...

Red I love it, love it, love it!
Good for you.

redhed35 · Dec 4, 2009, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

I just leave.

Simple and effective.

It's the guys that start crying that get me,too late for the tears baby,they were not crying when they were sleeping with the hussey down the road... far from it in fact!

Just Dahlia · Dec 4, 2009, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by Stringer

Happy Anniversary JD. :)

Stringer

Thanks!:)

Stringer · Dec 4, 2009, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

Thanks!:)

You are very welcome! What did you do... dinner, candlelight, poems?

Just Dahlia · Dec 4, 2009, 10:04 AM

We had grilled steak and salmon with some french bread, watched 'Christmas vacation' and decorated the tree.:)
It was a relaxing evening.

Alty · Dec 4, 2009, 10:07 AM

My breakups usually ended in a restraining order. ;)

For some reason I brought out the worst in most of the guys I dated, maybe it was me. :(

There are a few that are still good friends, mainly because we were never really that serious about each other to begin with, it was just gits and shiggles, so friendship wasn't difficult to retain.

There were a few guys that started stalking me. Then there was the guy that wouldn't give up, said he wanted to be friends but every time we'd get together as friends he'd try to rekindle the relationship. The last blow was when he got me an engagement ring and asked me to marry him. Um, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!!

I've never done the "It's not you it's me". I also never just left. Thankfully I haven't had to break up with anyone for over 19 years.

Whew. :)