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talaniman · Dec 3, 2009, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

For Emopunk.
Sure you can make a case for her faults, but there is also enough blame for you too, so the quicker you acknowledge your own faults, the quicker we can sympathize with your loss.

Bottom line, we don't care what she did, its what you did about it thats the real issue to all of us here. Its done, and we all want you to heal, and be better for the experience. It may take a while, but you will be okay for it.

Thought I would share what I told Em, as it fits you as well. What you do about what life throws at you is what counts. That's what will define you in the end.

tragedy · Dec 4, 2009, 05:02 AM

I'm working very hard on NC and all I want is to have her completely out of my mind. Wish me luck.

amicon · Dec 4, 2009, 05:09 AM

Well done, stick to NC and the very best of luck!
Keep us posted.

tragedy · Dec 4, 2009, 08:18 PM

Not sure what she was trying to do. She gave a box of chocolates to my housemate and she knows for sure my housemate will share the chocolates with us. I believe that was a gift from someone, which I think it was from a man and she just passed it on to us. She could easily give it to someone else like her housemates or other college friends. Maybe she has distributed the rest but she does not need to keep one and give it to my housemate. Why she is doing this? She knows my housemate will definitely bring it back to the house. Is she trying to play some game? I told my housemate that I'm not going to eat it. Seriously, I have the urge to throw the chocolates away. It's been messing up with my head and I can't stop to think how bad she treated me and those words she used to put me down in public. Guys, what should I do? I'm still sticking to NC and really want her out of my head.

Jake2008 · Dec 4, 2009, 08:51 PM

I'd say she's just taking a stab at you again.

I would eat the whole box of chocolates and not say a word.

tragedy · Dec 4, 2009, 09:12 PM

Why does she need to do that since she was the one who cuts me off and makes me look bad in front of her friends by sharing the messages I sent her? Does it make her happier? I'm done with all the Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Text and IM stalking and whatever Friend4u178 mentioned in the sticky. I just want to heal and get her out of my head. But I can't seem to stop think of how bad she treated me. It's like I'm beginning to hate her. Is this part of the healing process?

glenboy123 · Dec 4, 2009, 09:12 PM

Agreed. It sounds as though she is trying to rub your nose in it for whatever reason. She knows the break-up has been especially hard on you and appears to be playing the classic post break-up game of "look-at-me-I'm-alright-being-a-hard###- that-doesn't-care" etc etc.

glenboy123 · Dec 4, 2009, 09:14 PM

Hard as it sounds, never hate. It'll do you more harm than good.

talaniman · Dec 4, 2009, 09:51 PM

Hate to say this but you will meet a lot of people in life who know what buttons to push, and when, and they do it because they can.

Your best defense, is ignore them, and don't react, because that's exactly what they want, YOUR REACTION, especially an emotional one, that makes you look bad.

They hate being ignored, and must always have the upper hand. She wants to live rent free in your head and the last thing she wants is for you to be happy and at peace with yourself.

She is who she is, you can't change that, but you can change yourself, and your attitude. You don't have to hate, she wins then.

But if you act like your truly glad she is gone, and be happy about that, she will go NUTS!!

Take that to the bank!

Jake2008 · Dec 4, 2009, 10:10 PM

Some practical advice that might help you now.

Get yourself a notebook of some kind. Every day, take a good half hour to yourself in a quiet place with no distractions, and write out all the thoughts you've had about her that day. Think, thoughts, feelings, reactions. Write it all out without thought to grammar, spelling, neatness etc. just write it out, and remember to date each day.

When you have it all out on paper, and hopefully you will write a lot, close the book, and leave it all tucked nicely away in a safe place.

Each day, same thing. When you go through the day and you remember something about her, or think something about her, or wonder about her, tell yourself that you will save that for the book. Tuck it aside, and then when you sit to write, include everything again, thoughts, feelings, reactions.

There is something quite interesting that happens when you do this. Emotion can indeed be expressed and dispelled. Once you get the anger out on paper, you are no longer angry. Once you get the hurtful comment or deed out on paper, it is no longer hurtful. With all the questions you have as to why she does the things she does written down, you are actually dealing with them, processing them, and this practice will have a start, and a finish. (When you put the book away for the night)

I have a lot of such books. Over losses, conflicts, battles with myself, and keeping my head above emotional water. I actually splurged on a very good pen just for this purpose.

Try it and see if it works for you.

tragedy · Dec 6, 2009, 02:34 AM

Tal and Glenboy123, you guys were right. She will win if I begin to hate her. Jake2008, I will try that out to see if it works :)

I don't know why... out of a sudden I think of her. But I've been telling myself that I need to be strong, let go and I will be fine. I hope that I can make it through.

amicon · Dec 6, 2009, 02:48 AM

Thinking about her is normal-try to do something to distract your mind. You will be strong and you will soon be able to leave this where it belongs-in the past.

vanheart · Dec 6, 2009, 05:40 PM

You will make it through, don't worry.

Just do the right things. NC & self awareness.

Don't hang on to someone that has, is & will continue to disrespect you.

You can't care for someone like that.

tragedy · Dec 7, 2009, 08:52 AM

I've found out that my ex has pretty much moved on and she's already on vacation with another guy. I think she met this guy shortly after we broke up or maybe when we were dating. Who knows? I don't know how to describe my feelings now...

amicon · Dec 7, 2009, 09:06 AM

Yes who knows? I wouldn't worry about it though,you have your life now and she has hers. Stay focused on you.

tragedy · Dec 9, 2009, 04:00 AM

I don't know why it still affects me. I still think of her off and on and am trying very hard to focus on something else.

emopunk7 · Dec 9, 2009, 04:09 AM

This will happen for a while. Accepth that and know it's okay and you will get over it soon enough. Just keep NC. That's the only way to move on and the fastest. Hang in there!

tragedy · Dec 9, 2009, 06:59 AM

I hate to say this... but my friend just sent me a pic that I'm not supposed to see! It's her pic and the guy!! I think it's from her Facebook and it kind of crushes me into pieces again. It's a pic of her and the guy :(. My friend said he's doing this so that I will heal faster. Honestly, my heart still aches and I keep telling myself that I shouldn't panic so that I won't repeat the same old mistakes again. Does it mean that this reset my NC?

redhed35 · Dec 9, 2009, 07:01 AM

You could tell your friend,that his way of healing is not working for you...

This does not reset your nc,as you made no contact,and its natural to feel hurt...

Stay no contact,and ask your friend not to send you any more pictures..

tragedy · Dec 9, 2009, 07:21 AM

That picture really brings me down to the memory lane, sweet and bitter. I still can recall the moment she told me that she doesn't want me anymore regardless how many times I said sorry for being mean when she refused to tell me who she went out with. And it still fresh on my mind the way she hits me. It just hurts.