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UnstableMind27 · Dec 1, 2009, 05:59 PM

I feel like the dumbest person asking this question. To be honest I feel like a creep. But I'm curious to know if something is mentally wrong with me as to why I feel like I have to be the dominant one when it comes to sex. First of all I like to watch gay porn. I feel like such a creep by saying that. I know I must be the weirdest person on Earth. I just so happen to be a girl. It's like I can't help but feel turned on when I see two males having sex. Just the thought of it makes me crazy. I mean I watch it ALL the time. It's like an everyday thing. I may have a porn addiction as well. I don't know. I've watched girl on girl too but it's not the same. Nothing interesting. It all seems so fake. I can't even watch heterosexual porn because it makes me mad how submissive the girl is. There's not much she can do. The guy is always the dominating one. I guess I like the guys together because they both have equal amount of power. The roles can always be switched. And even though I don't really care much for the girl on girl porn... I could see myself being intimate with one. But I wouldn't want to date a girl. Does that make me a bad person? Also that doesn't make me gay does it? I wouldn't want to feel like I'm just using them. And with a guy I'd date him but he'd always be the dominate one when it comes to sex. I think most guys already feel like they have the upper hand so when you're in bed together they really feel that way. And I'd rather they be the submissive ones for once. But I can't really do too much because I am a girl. And if I were with a girl I'd feel like I could have more power over her.. although we are the same. But it all seems so wrong because it's going against what I said in the beginning. I'd be the guy in the heterosexual porn dominating the girl. I just don't know where to go with this. And it's like I know what I like. I like guys. But I don't want to be the girl who's just lying there. I'm scared the guy would be overly dominating. I don't want to feel like the weak little girl. I think I have some real mental issues. I think I have a thing for domination or power. Maybe it's because I don't feel power anywhere else in my life. I need control somewhere. Why not the bedroom. So I guess what I'm asking is how the hell do I deal with this. I need some serious counseling. I can't be intimate with someone because this is what I think about. I'm so messed up. Extremely messed up.

bigblack · Dec 1, 2009, 06:25 PM

Hey Messed Up Chick,

I'm not here to diminish your sexuality... but you're not as messed up as you think you are. I have quite a few sexual fantasies (emphasis on fantasies) that are weird and I wouldn't actually act on. I also went through a phase of being really really turned on by gay porn - I'm a woman too (btw). I thought I must be really sick. There's sure to be underlying reason for this... but I think mostly the thought of a dominant man 'violating' another man instead of a woman was really hot. Well, since I have no business in a male-male sex scene - it's just fantasy to me. And maybe instead of over-analyzing some of these messed up thoughts, you can get some exposure to healthy, human, sexual fantasy. Go to your book store and buy "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. Honestly, it's an eye opener to how 'normal' you actually are!
Wanting to be the dominate sexual partner really has little to do with your gender and more to do with your sexual preference. Lots of guys would prefer to be dominated just as well as girls wanting the same. Doesn't make you weird or messed up, in my opinion.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 1, 2009, 06:31 PM

First I would say you need to go to a better adult video store if they don't have the female being the one to domonate. There are a lot ( not as much as straight sex) but stores carry what their customer base asks for.

Next while I believe anything can be good or bad, too much porn can also give us a unrealistic idea and that is what you are seeing, most porn makes the man taking and the girl getting nothing really except a toy for the guy. This is not real or realistic in most relationships.

Ok, now since you are female watching male gay porn is confusing, everyone has their own preference or things that turn them on.

To some it may be leather and high heels, to others it may be role playing and more

And there are many men who want the women to be the leader, or at least a equal partner

JoeCanada76 · Dec 1, 2009, 06:52 PM

I agree with the others. Your not as messed up as you think.

Just realize that what you see on porn/movies is not realistic to real life relationships.

As far as you liking guy and guy porn. I would say there are a lot of men that like girl and girl porn.

I do not know. Series counseling not really. For porn addiction maybe but many people have many thoughts and fantasies does not mean that your messed up.

Gemini54 · Dec 1, 2009, 09:10 PM

I think that you're making more of this than is warranted. Actually, many women like men-on-men gay porn, and I personally know one 20 something woman that watches it a lot!

It's your attitude to it that's most important. If YOU think it's weird and that you're stuffed in the head - then you will be. However, if you think it's just one of your little peccadilloes and it's part of the rich tapestry of life - then that's what it will be.

Don't worry about what will happen in your sexual relationships. If you like being the one that is more dominant and you don't like being submissive, then eventually you'll find someone that is a 'fit' with you. Life does that, it brings us partners that complement us.

If it's a control issue, and you feel that you don't have much control in your life - then that is the real issue you should be dealing with. Look at how you might do this in small ways and slowly you will regain the power you crave.

smoothy · Dec 2, 2009, 06:21 AM

I don't think what you said is all that unusual. While the majority (as in 50% or greater) of women may not think that way (that I know of) you are far from being alone in it. I've known some VERY straight women that really get VERY excited over either man on man porn or of the bisexual porn varieties far more than the regular vanilla stuff.

And as far as the dominant or submissive thing. I think far more people lean one way or the other than can say they are neutral there... or are willing to admit to it.

Better off being comfortible in what you enjoy than conforming to what you think someone else says you should do and be unhappy and unsatisfied. There are plenty of guys that like a woman who is assertive in bed, or even dominant.

shazamataz · Dec 2, 2009, 06:50 AM

I am a straight female and I get turned on by gay porn... no, you aren't messed up in the head, you are human.

Admittedly no-one knows that I do but that's my little secret and it doesn't hurt anyone.

Catsmine · Dec 2, 2009, 10:56 AM

I'll intro mine slightly differently.

I'm male. I'm a sexual dominant. I sometimes watch girl-on-girl porn. One of my first friends in the BDSM scene was a female dominant who liked gay guys. We've been friends for decades, and respect each other while being completely opposite.

I'll close like everybody else opened. You aren't that weird.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 2, 2009, 12:23 PM

Everybody voted. This person is just normal like the rest of us. Imagine that. Hmmm.

Xrayman · Dec 2, 2009, 05:49 PM

I'm not normal.

I'll go now..

lvhol · Dec 3, 2009, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by Xrayman

I'm not normal.

I'll go now..

Lol

dihydrogenoxide · Jan 2, 2010, 02:03 PM

Listen, you are not messed up, though I agree that you might have a porn addiction. I know plenty of women who LOVE gay man on man porn. As for the dominance part, I also know some women who like to be dominant with men. And I know men who like it. I personally am a gay female who prefers to be dominant. The point of any relationship, gay or heterosexual, is to be partners, and that counts in the bed too. If you're with a man who insists on always being dominant, then he isn't the man for you. My best friend is a straight woman who is very dominant in bed, and her boyfriend totally digs it. The roles often switch, both in casual life and in bed, but overall they are very happy together. You aren't as messed up as you think, you are just falling prey to societies ideals. Relationships are about giving and taking. It is perfectly normal to want to be dominant, just as it is normal to want to be dominated. I am not a professional however, and this is just my opinion :)