[britEl]

Thank you all for posting, and id like to let you all know that I AM going to bite the bullet and not go back to him like a fool. Our relationship was unhealthy and yah I do have to work on myself. I am slowly trying to not talk to him (he keeps texting me) but soon I'm just going to stop all contact. (facebook, txting, etc.) I am still dreading the night where I may get a phonecall with him bawling asking me back but IF that happens I've already made my decision. There's no way I can go back to him and be the same person.

It has been roughly around two weeks since the break up and right now.. I just feel NOTHING for him, it is a strange feeling but yah I feel absolutely nothing when I think of him so I am HOPING that's good? Also I have been going out more and meeting new people. I've just recently met this very nice guy named quinn and have been getting to know him better. I know I am on the rebound but if I feel nothing for my ex(not even love) then would that mean at least I am over him? And if so would it still be too early to further my relationship with quinn?

[amicon]

I'd say take your time getting to know people.
You're probably not quite over the ex yet-so anyone you start dating now would be a rebound.

[britEl]

OK so I have been seeing this guy named jordan for about 3 weeks. He is head over heels for me. But right now I am just not ready for a serious relationship. So the other night we are hanging out and he tells me that he can see us being together for a very long time and that he's falling for me, and honestly it's scared me off. I had told him I don't want to jump into a relationship and its like he's trying to push things to go faster, when I just don't want that! So now I have completely lost interest in him and need a way to tell him that I don't want to continue seeing him. My only problem is that he is the nicest sweetest guy out there and I really don't want to hurt him to bad, I just feel really bad about it :( any ideas?

[pandead]

Just tell him what you think. Whatever you say will break his heart anyway, so try to find the nicest way and tell him (I would avoid the "I'm scared and I lost interest" part)
After all, it's been 3 weeks, he will get over it.

Hope it helps.

[CarrotTalker]

You will hurt him by stringing him along or not telling him your feelings.

Simply be honest and tell him what you said here, then give him some space and maybe consider hanging out again in a week or two.

[Mikelreal]

Just give him some space(am having exactly the same situation,just that am playing nice,sweet friend's role.)


I forgot to add this. Dnt hang out with him anymore,because it will hurt him the more,cut d calling part @ 1s.

[Devorameira]

Breakups are always tough, but you got to do if you value your own happiness. Just keep the break up easy to understand and speak calmly and everything will be fine.

If possible, tell him in person - It'll be easier on the both of you.

Keep it very short and simple. Calmly tell him that you don’t want a relationship with him.

Remember - the faster you get it over with the better!

Leave no "maybes." Don't let him think there's any possibility of getting back together or else he may never leave you alone and he’ll just get even more the jealous when you meet someone new.

Good luck!

[talaniman]

Geez brite, you just dumped a guy a month ago, and went with Quinn, and now your dumping Jordan. You have to be good at this because, 3 guys in a little over a month, is enough to make you an EXPERT dumper.

[britEl]

Lol an expert dumper :( no I shouldn't have gotten into any relationships to begin with.. Im still on the rebound and I feel really horrible about this whole situation I got myself into. And jordans only my second talaniman! But I think I'm going to stay far far FAR away from men for a long while lol!

[dontknownuthin]

Questions like this drive both boys and grown men nuts. If he wants to spend time with you and you still enjoy it, be satisfied with that. Consider the point of life you are at before you push for some big serious smothering all encompassing commitment. If you're wanting to be his life 24/7 and he is still in school, you're going to drive him away.

I've never known a guy who felt anything but loathing for the habit of women asking if they look fat, if the guy still loves them, etc. etc. They almost universally say, "we're together - get a grip. If I'm not feeling it, I'll let you know."

Guys want dating to be fun. They also want girls who have something other than the relationship to talk about and do. Focus on yourself, homework, school activities and your family. Make him part of your life but don't expect him to be your whole life or it will be far, far too much pressure for a young guy. And yeah, stop asking or one of these days he's going to say "no" because he's sick of the question.

[britEl]

Questions like this drive both boys and grown men nuts. If he wants to spend time with you and you still enjoy it, be satisfied with that. Consider the point of life you are at before you push for some big serious smothering all encompassing commitment. If you're wanting to be his life 24/7 and he is still in school, you're going to drive him away.

I've never known a guy who felt anything but loathing for the habit of women asking if they look fat, if the guy still loves them, etc., etc. They almost universally say, "we're together - get a grip. If I'm not feeling it, I'll let you know."

Guys want dating to be fun. They also want girls who have something other than the relationship to talk about and do. Focus on yourself, homework, school activities and your family. Make him part of your life but don't expect him to be your whole life or it will be far, far too much pressure for a young guy. And yeah, stop asking or one of these days he's going to say "no" because he's sick of the question.

So I'm assuming you didn't read the whole conversation. But anyway, yes I did learn my lesson those were stupid questions to be asking and I should have been more comfortable in the relationship. However, Hes 21 years old, not in school and living in his parents basement without having to pay rent so he doesn't have a lot on his shoulders.

I understand asking things wayyy to many times, but if the only time he told me he 'loved me' or he thought I was pretty was if I had to ASK him if he thought I was, then that's a problem. I believe that little things matter the most, and the littlest things could be calling me gorgeous, or saying I love you.

Basically the relationship was good until the 1st time he dumped me, and when we got back together things went down hill and I lost confidence. So that's where the habit of constantly asking him things came from. Things were different and I didn't know how to deal with it. Which ended up in him dumping me for the second time.

But I haven't been with him for pretty much 2 months now and I know that a lot of it was my own fault, I did push him away, and again yes I learnt my lesson. There are many things I do regret doing and now that I look back I wish I would have done things differently. But I can't go back in time, all I can do is keep going forward and continue to slowly get my confidence back.

[talaniman]

Brite I will say you have the right attitude.

But I can't go back in time, all I can do is keep going forward and continue to slowly get my confidence back.

That's a great plan.

[britEl]

Okay, yes, I'm back to this horrible page.

I need advice as to how to just let go of the past and move on. I completely stopped talking to Curtis (the guy who started this whole rotten page) for about 2 months.
And yesterday it was my 19th birthday, and he said "happy birthday i love you dont forget me bla bla bla bla bla"

So I call because I'm kind of ticked off that he even dare say that he 'loves me.' we talk and he gets mad because he doesn't want to hear anything that I have to say so he hangs up on me midsentence.

SO now I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want him in my life, I don't want him near me, I honestly wish I never even MET HIM! He treats me like crap, he thinks that he completely controls my feelings and it feels like he does have control over them now! After he hung up on me I finally told him to just leave me alone and to stop hurting me. He doesn't want me happy with someone else but he doesn't want me so screw him!
But I'm STILL choked up about him, after SO LONG, I feel like I'm literally going absolutely crazy.

I know I've been a good person, I don't deserve to be treated this way any longer, and I need help to find a way to block him out of my life, and gain back confidence and move on.
Do you think I need therapy or something? Or that I just have to NEVER talk to him again? I am having a really difficult time with this, especially now because 2 days ago I thought that I was over him, and clearly after tonight I'm not.

Ughh anyone willing to give me any more advice? I know this has been long and grueling, and I just want it... no NEED IT to end.

[amicon]

Happy belated Birthday.

Onehundred % no contact from now on.

That will give you peace of mind to get your head back together and keep moving on with your life.

[Jake2008]

Life isn't cut and dried. Because you may think that you are over someone, does not mean that the memories, feelings and emotions are completely gone. They may never be.

Some people will leave memories of happiness, some of trauma, some people you can't think of without feeling angry for past regressions. You can't predict when or if you will see anyone from your past, but when you do, most likely what they left you with, will surface.

It is a brief relapse into the past with this boyfriend. He's got you thinking about him, and the emotions that it has brought up, particularly on your birthday, leave you feeling raw.

But, a relapse is a relapse. It doesn't mean you aren't over him, and it certainly doesn't erase all the healing you have done, and progress you have made over the past year. Don't let one bump in the road stop you from continuing on your journey.

You won't get any more answers today, than you got months ago. The relationship was what it was, and it is still over.

Try not to put too much importance on this, and just accept it as something that will happen from time to time, probably through more relationships into the future.

No, I don't think you need therapy. I just think you need to realize that he has no magic hold, control, or influence over you, and learn to direct your thoughts in a more practical way.

He is a part of your past, best to just leave him there and carry on.

[dontknownuthin]

It's not a bad idea to look into therapy because really what it's about is learning to manage our lives in a different way. We all have to go through a lot of loss in our lives, one way or another, and being able to cope with it and move on is an important thing to learn how to do. So, if you think it would be helpful to you, why not? I think it's particularly helpful if you find you are chosing the wrong type of men and they aren't treating you well. Many women meet such men over and over and they don't really work on learning why until late in life - you are young - why not figure it out now?

There is no easy pill or easy advice to tell you how to get this particular man out of your head but cold turkey would be my method. EAch "in" he gets with you is a chance to stir up all the garbage again, and another chance to give you hope that he is capable of being the right person, only to hurt you again with his lack of understanding. He will not change so what needs to change is his access to you. Rather than making yourself ignore his calls, how about just getting a new phone number?