[britEl]

Horribly to tell the truth. But there isn't anything I can do about it, so I am trying to keep myself busy. Trying to get in touch with friends again. It's really hard for me right now. But it has really only been 3 days. I think if I keep giving myself positive advice that I will get better eventually. But at the moment its very hard.

[amicon]

It s tough-keep busy and hang in there-and keep posting. Cyberhugs to you.

[2ndTime]

Yap, he doesn't want to hurt your feeling. It maybe hard to accept at first, but give it time and your heart will heal. Remember, there's always fish in the ocean.

[I wish]

Entire story merged. Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Just keep it up! Stay busy and you'll be fine.

[redhed35]

Sorry to hear how things ended.

Your hurting now but it will get better...

Keep busy,start running,or some sort of exercise,it will help you sleep as well.

Also.keep posting,it really will help to get all the emotions out.

[zippit]

Can somebody PLEASE explain this sentence to me : "I love you but im not IN love with you anymore." I was just told this from my boyfriend of 9 months and i just DONT understand how someone can love you but not be in love anymore? If they weren't IN love how can they still love you ??

I had a EX tell me once "I love you AS a person" now that might sound stupid to some or make no sense but at the time it made perfect sense to me,I was comforted and moved on.Hes not saying he never was in love,he's saying his feeling have changed,you need to accept that for what it is stop trying to read anything else in it and move on.

[britEl]

So me and my boyfriend broke up and it was just a really bad and messy breakup (he broke up with me) I can't STAND seeing the stuff he gave me around my house anymore, and I need a very clever way to give it back like maybe as a xmas gift or something so he's like all excited then sees it and is like oh.. I know some might say no keep the stuff around, but I can't have it anymore
Any ideas?

[spitvenom]

You are just going to start an argument that way. Just throw ithem out if they were gifts to you. If they are his property leave them out his house. Be the bigger person in this!

[talaniman]

Why does it have to be so dramatic and childish? Simply throw them out, with out the drama, if you don't want them around. They are YOUR gifts, not his any more.

[amicon]

Yes throw them out or give them to a charity shop.

[ohsohappy]

Yeah I agree with the others. There's no reason to start a fight over it or something. It's your stuff, do what you want with it, but don't instigate a fight, because that's what you'd be doing. That's what I've done with gifts from my exes. The ones I still have are very few and they hold no sentimental value to it, I just still have them. This includes clothes or perfumes, I've kept a perfume and I believe a shirt and a stuffed monkey, anything else I've gotten rid of one way or another.

[britEl]

Ok so me and this guy dated for about nine months. In November he told me he wanted to go on a break because he was confused and stressed. Even though I didn't want to he told me to move on. So just as I was about to completely BE over him, he asked me to take him back, which was around the end of December. Before the break me and him NEVER fought. After we got back together it was constant bickering so a month later (a couple days ago) he tells me he is sick of all the fighting and I tell him well we can work on it. But he says "no I think we should just be friends [I]for right now[I]" (and the for right now part makes me think WOW is he going to want me back AGAIN) He also said towards the we can work on our fighting thing "I don't care enough to work on things" So I'm pretty hurt but not as bad as before. And I asked him should I keep hoping for him to get back with me or should I move on and he tells me that I should just move on because he doesn't know how things will be in a month.

So my question is this time around, should I move on! I feel like if I do move on and he wants me back suddenly, I'm going to regret some things that I do.
Also should I take him back if he does want me back! Like I love him to death but we do have our issues.
Oh yeah and can fighting be worked out and solved, I do understand sometimes fighting just happens but there must be a way where we can work it out! Any Suggestions?

[neverme]

Ok do you not see a cycle here????

He will stay in the relationship until either he gets bored (re: first break up) or it gets too hard (re: second break up).

Lets think what will be the reason for the third break up?

Boredom, Laziness, Cheating, Lying... maybe you should pick this time? Since he has chosen for you the other times.

So you know what I think you should do?

You should wait around until he's had his fill/sowed his wild oats/found himself... whatever it is that brings on these breaks, and then take him back because really, when you are being treated so well, how can you let that go?

You asked can fighting be worked out and solved? Jesus I hope so or the whole world is @!*ked! That is how political, religious and social issues get dealt with... BUT both sides need to want in! If he doesn't, you can't make him, it takes trust, thought, love and communication to make a relationship work.

Every fling can make it through the good times, it's when the s... hits the fan that it becomes a relationship. And really I don't think that is what is going on here.


So should you move on? YES.

Should you get back with him if he wants again? NO.

[britEl]

Thank you for being brutally honest lol!

[neverme]

It wasn't trying to be brutal in any way.

But it didn't seem you could see the wood from the trees if you like, hopefully this dimmed the rose tinted glasses, eh?

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should hurt yourself to be with them. Love, all too often, is the fail safe for many to excuse what they, or others have done.

It is not an excuse. Love goes both ways, and this, my friend, is not the actions of someone that loves you.

[amicon]

Brit,breakup-make up-breakup is not a good sign.
If the two of you can't work out whatever issues you have,you are just going to end up going down the same road again.

I'd say time to bite the bullet and let this go.

[Jake2008]

Because the relationship was only about a year all told, and he has told you to move on twice now, it is probably a good idea that you make the choice not to return to him again.

He is not being completely honest with you. He sounds like a man that is hiding something. I say that because the fighting is only the result of something, not the cause.

Him not wanting to work on the relationship issues is also caused by something. Whatever it is he doesn't want to face or work on, leaves little for you to have hope things would ever improve.

Lack of communication, no matter what has been on the agenda, will kill any relationship, and in your case, even really before it got off the ground. Not a good way to start.

[Romefalls19]

Stop the cycle of break up, make up, bored, break up and then when nothing comes along, he comes back

[talaniman]

I think you should move on, and be single, so you can work on your insecurities, and controlling ways.

When I merged your posts, and reread it again, one thing stands out, when he did try to communicate, you let your personal feelings of being dumped, get in the way of you understanding his stresses, and instead of patient support, you press forward with your own need for insecure control with texts up the wazoo!

Not trying to be harsh, but you have pretty much smothered the flames of communications by your need to be reassured constantly when he has things to deal with, for a good example as his g/f, why didn't you know about his family problems?

Again, not trying to be harsh, just straight, that's a lot of drama in a very short time, and any guy would be overwhelmed.

True its not ALL your fault, as he could have done a better job of communicating, but still it never works unless both partners can talk, listen, and work together.

You cannot, so best move on, and work on yourself.

[ohsohappy]

Bottom line: If he doesn't want to work on the hard stuff, he doesn't care about you. My Boyfriend and I have been through SO much stuff, and were still together because we put in the work. We work as a team, not always two separate entities. Part of being in a relationship Is being on the same side as your partner, working toward a mutual goal. That's what a relationship is.