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itsamor · Oct 4, 2009, 01:55 AM

You have eery right to be. Ugh life and love are to complicated sometimes I just want to give up

azif · Oct 4, 2009, 02:01 AM

Did you ask him how he feels about you? If you have then you either need to believe him and enjoy what you have, or if you feel he doesn't love you enough then move on.

Jake2008 · Oct 4, 2009, 02:20 AM

You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him that you have noticed a change in the relationship, he is not communicating as much as he did, and you need to know if his feelings toward you have changed.

I would say they have.

But, it may not be for reasons you think. Relationships change over time. He may be feeling perfectly secure in the relationship, and doesn't feel the need to text and call all the time. You interpret that as him not being interested, and cry yourself to sleep. That's what I mean about talking to him; your reactions to what he does may very well be over the top.

Once you have cleared the air, and you have a sense of what's going on with him, then take it from there.

You aren't being fair to him, or yourself, to base the success/failure/state of your relationship based on superficial 'cues'. You need to talk this out with him.

I wish · Oct 4, 2009, 07:38 AM

Multiple threads merged

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story

You need to talk things out with him. But if you feel that there hasn't been much progress after all your effort, then chances are there won't be any effort in the future. So you have to draw the line at some point and say enough is enough. If he can't provide what you want and need, then this isn't the person you should be with.

Furthermore, it sounds like you have a lot of personal issues. Maybe some time-out of this relationship could be good for you so that you can gain some confidence and self-esteem.

britEl · Oct 11, 2009, 10:08 AM

OK so I think I have had a sudden realization. I think the reason I have been freaking out so much is because usually in my relationships I have always been in control of what's going on how I feel about him and he is the one chasing me. But now it is the other way around I feel like I'm chasing him, he has control over the relationship and I feel vulnerable. This may not be reason enough for my amount of freaking out but I think it is part of it.

talaniman · Oct 11, 2009, 02:23 PM

Then adjust to what's really happening. Truth be told, you can only control yourself any way.

britEl · Nov 14, 2009, 07:58 AM

Ok so me and my boyfriend of almost nine months (today was supposed to be the actual day but he told me he wanted to go on a break with me yesterday.) are on a break. This happened very sudden and out of the blue for me. I had no clue he was going to do it and I still don't know what to think. I need some advice on what was said and what happened before and after he told me he wanted to go on a break with me.
Ok so the night before around 8pm we were talking like we usually do, it was normal he didn't sound different and it was the man that I knew and loved. We were supposed to hang out around 11pm but he must have fallen asleep. Around 11:30 I called him about 3 times (as an alarm to try and wake him up) but he didn't answer, I then text him saying : I guess you sleeping, text me what's happening. No answer. I then text him: Ok well I'm going to sleep then good night love you (etc) and then I sent a 3rd text telling him sorry for all the phone calls.
The next day (yesterday) I text him saying good morning, and I didn't get a text back from him till 2pm saying that he just woke up. I then asked him what happened to him last night.
He said: I fell I asleep, I told you
I said: well you said you were going to set your alarm so we could chill.
He said: I slept through it
(and he usually doesn't text like this so it seemed like he didn't care)
I said: Hmh
He said:?
I said: well I had a pretty crappy night but I guess you don't even care.
he said: Holy Sorry.
I said: well it doesn't even matter anymore
He said: okay.
I said: are you mad at me or annoyed by me or something??
(and here is when he said it, also I was at work at the time so we couldn't talk on the phone, why he did this when I was at work? I have no clue)
He said: K I'm going to be straight up I am physically and mentally stressed out here like to points you don't even know but dear I just need a break I just need some time to myself. Its not you its me I just need some time babe :( Its nothing you have done or anything about you I'm just stressed brit, I need some time, I love you to death I just need time dear :(
I said: what do you need time for?
He said: Myself I'm just to stressed out for everything, can't even work
I said: Straight up, Are you breaking up with me?
He said: Brittany I told you I just want a break
(so does that mean he isn't breaking up with me, he just doesn't want to see me? )
I said: what is it that's stressing you out so much?
He said: Work family, my grandma in the hospital, my sister left home, everything brit.
(I didn't even know about his grandma or sister.)
I said: how much time do you need?
He said: like maybe not even a week
I said: well feel better, text me when you figured it all out. Bye curtis.
He said: I'm sorry. :(

OK so that was it until last night at like 1am he text me
He said: Hi
I said: .. Hi?
I said: what's up?
He said: not much you?
I said: just woke up
He said: can't sleep?
I said: yeah
He said: why not?
I said: thinking too much
He said: I see.
I said: .. did you want something?
He said: To say hi

OK so what was THAT about?
I am extremely in shock and very upset, I have been crying non stop since yesterday and I don't know what I'm going to do or what I should do please help me I reallllly need some advice here! I am falling apart honestly.

amicon · Nov 14, 2009, 08:11 AM

I'm sorry you re hurting.
I can only suggest you give him space as that's what he asked for,and until and if he gives you other reasons try to stay calm and carry on with your life. Take care.

emopunk7 · Nov 14, 2009, 08:12 AM

Just give him a few days. Stay busy and relax. That's the best you can do right now. Keep us updated. We are here for you, don't worry too much.

redhed35 · Nov 14, 2009, 08:18 AM

For a start calm down and take a breath...

Its not over till the fat lady sings!

Give him some time too himself.. if he wants to talk let him...

He will come to a conclusion,sooner I would think rather then later...

Reading the conversation,he did have the classic break up lines... its not you its me.. yada yada... but he has not said its over..

Calm down,and try and think rational,I know its hard to do when your heart in in your mouth... but this just might blow over... prepare for the worst and just let him be for now.

zippit · Nov 14, 2009, 08:27 AM

Its still real new so relax don't read too much into it,use the time wisely

britEl · Nov 14, 2009, 09:55 AM

I know I have to calm down and leave him alone. Im just really scared that I'll get that phone call or text saying. Im sorry brittany, but I just don't want to be with you anymore. (or something around those terms) Also, would anyone have any idea as to why he would text me after just to say hi?

amicon · Nov 14, 2009, 10:03 AM

That would just be anyone's guess Brit,try not to overanalyze the situation even if it's tempting.

britEl · Nov 14, 2009, 05:14 PM

So I have an update. I text him today (I needed to get some clarity) so here's what went down:

Me: Curtis I'm sorry for txting you but I am very confused, do you still love me and want me? Or am I wasting my time?
Him: Brittany I do still love you, you know that I'm just confused stressed out britt I just don't even want my life anymore and no one understands.
Me: But I want to understand. I want to help you, but I can't read minds and I can't if you shut me out of your life.
Him: I know brittany but I don't want to drag you down with me I just need sometime I love you and you know I do.
Me: Curtis I was your girlfriend for almost 9 months, I can handle it, I won't just quit on you.
Him: Im sure you can handle it but like I don't know I'm just mentally down I can't handle this right now, Ahh.
Me: Well when you want to talk and figure things out with me call me. Until then I won't bother you anymore. Bud I hope you will call me eventually.
Him: Your not bothering me I'm sorry I just can't do this right now I would have talked to you about it in person just I couldn't do it, it would just stress me out more.
Me: I know. But I think I deserve some clarity curtis just answer me this. Are we over? Or are we going to get through this and get back together?
Him: Brittany I want to and hope I get through this I just need some time I love you brit.
Me: I understand you need time and I want to get through this too but I don't know what you want from me. Like what do you want me to do, stop talking to you?
Him: I never said that I just need a break from it brit
Me: Im sorry I'm still not clear, so you don't mind me texting.. just less and you don't want to see me? Sorry I just want to make things better for you.
Him: You can text me brittany as much as you want
Me: I just don't want to make things worse for you.. so texting is OK and you don't want to see me. Do I have it clear?
Him: lol you
And then later he asked me if I was all right in which I responded
1st: Not really but I'm dealing with it
Then I sent a 2nd saying
I'll be honest curtis, I'm really hurting here.

I know I should have stayed no contact but I just neeeeded to get things clear. And right now they still are unclear for me anyway, like why does he not want to see me, but texting is OK..
I know I'm SO over analyzing this but its hard not to :(

britEl · Nov 15, 2009, 08:57 AM

OK so its over.

He loves me, but not IN love with me. What a weekend.

britEl · Nov 15, 2009, 08:59 AM

Can somebody PLEASE explain this sentence to me : "I love you but im not IN love with you anymore." I was just told this from my boyfriend of 9 months and I just Don't understand how someone can love you but not be in love anymore? If they weren't IN love how can they still love you?

xcarleex · Nov 15, 2009, 09:10 AM

Maybe he loves you as a person and a friend but doesn't feel that he loves in the same way he did before. (relatonship way)

RadioActive697 · Nov 15, 2009, 09:12 AM

Well my best guess would be that you know the way you love your brother/sister you love them but you don't love them the way you would with your husband/boyfriend. You get it? So your boyfriend I guess meant that he loves you like a sister and no longer like a lover. You see? Its confusing! But I hope the best for you!

ohsohappy · Nov 15, 2009, 09:14 AM

He might just be trying to ease the blow.

I kind of wrote a thread on this a while ago, maybe look at it?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ut-397951.html

amicon · Nov 15, 2009, 09:22 AM

So sorry to hear that Brit how are you coping?