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jimmy2009 · Dec 1, 2009, 10:10 AM

I was with my ex for near on 3 years, we lived together, did everything together, but we had issues she never had a proper job and we ran up 15k of debt which I hid from her trying to manage it myself, it all came to a head in July when I had to do 14 days in prison for a driving offence in which I deeply regret. I came out of prison to a half empty flat and a terminated tenancy agreement. Since this has happened we have had good times and bad we went through a stage of holding hands, kissing, cuddling and always being together at her new place, then it stopped and she turned vile towards me, so I ignored her and tried to get on with my life... since then we have had sex together, nights out together and some real intimate times, but again it all came to a head... she shys away when we kiss occasionally, holds my hand, texts me every day and now she tells me she's seeing someone else... I comfronted her and she told me she loves me but isn't in love with me and I can't give her the perfect relationship because of the past... why is she doing this to me? I want her back I need to know how to do this guys she's a one in a million and although she seems like a in what I write 90% of the time its amazing... cheers

amicon · Dec 1, 2009, 10:30 AM

Im sorry you're hurting but really- she's seeing somebody else,and from the way you tell it she doesn't sound amazing at all-she didn't do her share by not getting a proper job and you end up in debt to keep her. When the going got tough she bailed.
I know you might not want to hear this but move on-heal from the breakup and eventually find someone better.

I wish · Dec 1, 2009, 11:41 AM

Get your life together before worrying about another person. 15K debt is no joke.

As for her, she already moved on, so respect her wishes. You can't force her to come back to you.

TELITLIKITIS45 · Dec 2, 2009, 01:00 AM

Coming from a girls point of veiw... She know what she is doing.. She want you to think she had the upper hand and as long as you let her think she does she will. You must move on for your own sanity yes it will be hard but believe it or not you will find someone better than that.. it might not seem that way for awhile but I promise, there are so many fish in the sea, the problem with you men is you have such high standards for your women but the right ones are always right in front of you.
My ex cheated on me and I packed everything up in my car while he was working on his, he had no idea what I found out . And I left I never went back . I have been in a relationship now for 5 years I stay home take care of my two little children.. Cook.. clean.. Go to school... I rub my boyfriends feet.. Get his coke and ice every day after work , he goes out once a week with the guys... I get along with all his friends.. I don't do anything I'm not suppose to I stand behind my man no matter what... And my ex f*up he lost a good thing but I found a good thing too you know.. They never realize what they have until its gone.. And that's the truth.. Just be strong keep your head up high. You know deep down inside as much as you want it to work you will never trust her .
Anyway good luck

talaniman · Dec 2, 2009, 04:03 PM

Aren't you tired of being used, and abused, and cheated on?

amicon · Dec 2, 2009, 04:07 PM

Have to spread the rep.
That sums it up.

itried · Dec 2, 2009, 04:19 PM

From what you've written it sounds like she's only amazing because you were always taking care of her and basically carrying her sorry a--. Now that she's found out about the debt you incurred during the process of supporting her and you've made a mistake by going to jail for a bit, the fantasy for her has come to a screeching halt.

What has probably happened is that she found out that you, much like her are an imperfect person who makes mistakes and sometimes bad decisions. The penny has dropped and she thinks she can do better. This is typical behaviour that many, many women display. They can't quite articulate the source of their "emotions" and "feelings" but deeply they feel that things have "changed". Namely, you aren't perfect. Whoa, Stop the presses!

She doesn't want to have to be there for you. She wants fun times, good times and romance forever. I'm guessing the other 90% of your relationship had her head in the clouds but the abruptness of this reality check has started her motor and she's off to the races to find a new man.

Buddy, she's not one in a million. She's the typical woman to avoid. You have just been given an early Christmas gift. Santa works in mysterious ways.

Devorameira · Dec 2, 2009, 04:54 PM

Relationships are based on mutual trust and respect and it appears that yours lacks both.

The feelings you have for her indicate that you are a caring person.. no matter how she mistreats you, you still find a place in your heart to care about her. That is a great quality however it can lead to pain and heartache.

You really are better off without her. She has caused you so much pain and hurt.. no girl is worth that. Don’t look at this as a ending but as a new beginning. Take time to love yourself and do what makes you the happiest. :)

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Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

Gemini54 · Dec 2, 2009, 07:13 PM

She's user and she don't have no use for you no more.

Run like the wind - this is NOT the perfect relationship and you need to protect your heart.

It may be good 90% of the time but there are some HUGE red flags in the rest of the 10%.

She's moved on - quickly - (and you're left with a$15K debt) doesn't that tell you something?

sabrewolfe · Dec 2, 2009, 07:29 PM

She didn't love you bro, she's an immature little girl that has nothing real to offer you but sex. You can get that anywhere. When things got tough, she bailed on you. People who are truly in love with each other stick together and work things out together. What has she tried to do while you were in prison? She only wanted you in the beginning because she wanted someone to take care of her while she does nothing. It's a suckers game that many worthless women seem to play nowadays. They know how to charm a man into their little webs to get what they want, but the whole time they end up sucking you dry of the best parts of you and move on to the next sucker. I know because I've been there. It's in their nature. This is the only way some of them know how to survive for a time.
What you need to do is concentrate on yourself and put this person behind you. You won't be the last and you probably were not her first victim. Take care of yourself and forget about her. Live and learn. It happens to the best of us.