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Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 01:03 PM

Can I contact my adopted daughter or is it a criminal offence for me to do so?

JudyKayTee · Nov 28, 2009, 01:05 PM

What are the terms of the adoption?

Is it an open adoption, closed adoption?

And how old is your daughter?

(Sorry to answer a question with more questions.)

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 01:41 PM

Please don't ask the same question over, I have deleted the other post.

Is the child a minor and has the adopted parents told you not to contact them ?

Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 02:32 PM

The child is 17, it is a closed adoption

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 02:34 PM

Do you know where she is, who has her?

In general you should not contact her till she is 18, other wise contact her parents to see if they will give permission

Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 02:38 PM

I have found her profile on a social networking site and wondered if it would be against the law for me to contact her via this. I do not want to put myself in a legal predicument.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 02:40 PM

She may not even know she is adopted, and other issues, contact her parents first and see if they will allow it

Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 02:45 PM

She is fully aware that she is adopted. She has always known that she has been adopted. She uses her birth name on the sites I have found her on. I do not have contact details for the adopters. I just want to know wheteher I would be committing an offence if I were to instigate contact and would I be putting myself at risk of being 'charged'?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 03:02 PM

It differs in areas, but it could be civil law suits for parent interferce and/or mental distress and more.

I am sorry to even consider contact without asking her parents permission is unspeakable and youshould be ashamed

Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 03:12 PM

What adoption law says it's unspeakable and that I should be ashamed? Can you tell me the law book you got that from so that I can research it in more depth please?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 03:40 PM

In the orgianal adoption paper work you signed all rights over to the new parents. Whlie I am glad to see that the parents raised her to know she was adopted, it is not your right at all to contract her since she is still a child.

Part of the adoptoin process is that you will not interfere with the parents in their raising of the child. Part of that would be breach of contract and I could come up with dozens of other things a good attorney could sue you for in a civil suit.

If you want to contact, use a third party to contact her parents and get there permission,

Your refusal to do common practice seems to make me feel that you are afraid to contact the parents??

Jo!!! · Nov 28, 2009, 04:04 PM

I didn't sign any paperwork, the uk social services took the child from me and I lost the ensuing court case and they put her up for adoption. I have met the people who have her, they are very nice people and have up till recently been very accommodating with visits to the child's maternal grandmother and cards and presents to me twice yearly, however of late they seem to have stopped writing me and also no visits to mum either. My mum has some money that she wants to give the child before she dies 9she is terminally ill) and all attempts of contacting the adopters have been fruitless. We have tried to go through the post-box service and my brother has e-mailed the adopters but all to no avail. It would be nice if mum could have peace of mind that the money she wants the child to have gets to her before she dies.

ScottGem · Nov 28, 2009, 05:04 PM

Ok, here's the thing. The adoption severed any and all legal rights you had to the child. The fact that the child was taken away from you is also a factor. Since the courts ordered a closed adoption you would be in contempt of court to make any attempt to contact her.

If grandmum wants to give her some money or if grandmum wants to leave her some money in her will, then she can do that. She hires a solicitor to make contact and either transfer the gift or give her the inheritance.

Once she is 18, which shouldn't be long, you can then approach her and ASK if she is interested in having a relationship with you. If she says no or does not respond then you drop it.

JudyKayTee · Nov 28, 2009, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by Jo!!!

I didnt sign any paperwork, the uk social services took the child from me and I lost the ensuing court case and they put her up for adoption. I have met the people who have her, they are very nice people and have up till recently been very accommodating with visits to the childs maternal grandmother and cards and presents to me twice yearly, however of late they seem to have stopped writing me and also no visits to mum either. My mum has some money that she wants to give the child before she dies 9she is terminally ill) and all attempts of contacting the adopters have been fruitless. We have tried to go through the post-box service and my brother has e-mailed the adopters but all to no avail. It would be nice if mum could have peace of mind that the money she wants the child to have gets to her before she dies.

They are not just the people who "have her." They are her legal parents. If you lost your child to social services why do you think she wants contact with you now?

Is there a possibility that it is the child's choice not to see you/have contact with you, not the choice of her (adoptive) parents.

There are ways to ensure your daughter receives the money from your mother upon your mother's death.

I believe a consultation with an attorney is in order.

JudyKayTee · Nov 28, 2009, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by Jo!!!

What adoption law says it's unspeakable and that I should be ashamed? Can you tell me the law book you got that from so that I can research it in more depth please?

Contacting this child, underage, at this time without the consent of the people who have raised her is morally unspeakable.

I realize you suffer from depression and have no family, no support system, other than your mother who is dying - how does that factor into losing custody and looking to find her? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ml#post2106686

I realize you are in a terrible place right now - I have no idea if the story about your mother wanting to give your daughter money is true - but I am not sure of your motives.

You have posted that you do not have info on the adoptive parents but you also refer to contacting them.

I don't understand what the truth is here.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 28, 2009, 06:01 PM

And the mother can give it though an attorney ( since it has to go into a trust for her till she is 18 anyway.

I think I have seen or reached low points in question but am always surprised, I wish I had the ability to warn this poor girls mother.

Jo!!! · Nov 29, 2009, 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Ok, here's the thing. The adoption severed any and all legal rights you had to the child. The fact that the child was taken away from you is also a factor. Since the courts ordered a closed adoption you would be in contempt of court to make any attempt to contact her.

If grandmum wants to give her some money or if grandmum wants to leave her some money in her will, then she can do that. She hires a solicitor to make contact and either transfer the gift or give her the inheritance.

Once she is 18, which shouldn't be long, you can then approach her and ASK if she is interested in having a relationship with you. If she says no or does not respond then you drop it.

Thanks for your kind open minded reply, all the others seem very bias. Do you know if I am allowed to contact her when she is 18 or is it up to her to contact me.

Jo!!! · Nov 29, 2009, 05:33 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

They are not just the people who "have her." They are her legal parents. If you lost your child to social services why do you think she wants contact with you now?

Is there a possibility that it is the child's choice not to see you/have contact with you, not the choice of her (adoptive) parents.

There are ways to ensure your daughter receives the money from your mother upon your mother's death.

I believe a consultation with an attorney is in order.

She says on her profile on one of the social network sites that she hates her adoptive parents. She also uses her birth name on all of the sites I have found her on, which tells me a great deal.

Jo!!! · Nov 29, 2009, 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Contacting this child, underage, at this time without the consent of the people who have raised her is morally unspeakable.

I realize you suffer from depression and have no family, no support system, other than your mother who is dying - how does that factor into losing custody and looking to find her? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ml#post2106686

I realize you are in a terrible place right now - I have no idea if the story about your mother wanting to give your daughter money is true - but I am not sure of your motives.

You have posted that you do not have info on the adoptive parents but you also refer to contacting them.

I don't understand what the truth is here.

I myself don't have any contact details for the adoptive parents but my brother has an email addresss for them and the adoptive parents have my mums telephone numbers and address. The adoptive parents were at one point bringing the child up to visit once or twice a year with my mum. They were always very consistent with this but it seems to have just stopped for no apparent reason. Mum certainly does have some money for the child, she has already given the other grand-children (my brothers) and also her own children their share of her will (she wants to give it out before she dies). My only motive for myself is to let her know that I am here if she wants to connect. If she chose not to then I would accept that. I have actually decided that the best thing to do is to let her decide for herself, the last thing I would want to do is cause mental anquish or distress to her by her suddenly receiving a 'friend request' from her birth mother. I am far from ignorant and am fully aware of how this might affect her. I merely wanted to know how I stood legally regarding the matter.

Jo!!! · Nov 29, 2009, 05:47 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And the mother can give it though an attorney ( since it has to go into a trust for her till she is 18 anyway.

I think I have seen or reached low points in question but am always surprised, I wish I had the ability to warn this poor girls mother.

Of course you have the ability to warn this girls mother, I am right here!