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Joe2982 · Nov 28, 2009, 12:08 AM

Hey all,

My name is Joe. I am 27 years old and a computer professional in NYC. I have been seeing this one girl (22 years old), since this last May. Anyway, although we were exclusive, I guess you can say there was no official announcement that we were going out. She has expressed that she wanted ot make it official, and I just kept saying that I am not ready to make it official. My first mistake was having this go on since May... I get that. Anyway, today we are chatting on Facebook, and she says that she cannot do this anymore and this is not what she wants anymore. Not knowing what to say, I told her that if this is how she felt, then I felt this would be best and wished her luck. A few hours later, I realized that she deleted me from her Facebook page.

Keep in mind that her best friend just ended her relationship and is now living the single life. A few weeks back, she told me that all she thinks about is me all day.

Is it wrong to think that maybe she was doing all of this to get some kind of reaction out of me, and for me to say lets be in a relationship?

amicon · Nov 28, 2009, 12:23 AM

Nobody can tell you why she did what she did,I'd say you'll have to accept her decision and you're broken up.
Her breaking up on Facebook's not very mature,and it sounds as if she has a lot of growing up to do.
The main thing for you now it to focus on your life and getting over the breakup.
Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page with advice how to handle this kind of situation?

JoeCanada76 · Nov 28, 2009, 04:18 AM

Originally Posted by Joe2982

Hey all,

My name is Joe. I am 27 years old and a computer professional in NYC. I have been seeing this one girl (22 years old), since this last May. Anyway, although we were exclusive, I guess you can say there was no official announcement that we were going out. She has expressed that she wanted ot make it official, and I just kept saying that I am not ready to make it official. My first mistake was having this go on since May...I get that. Anyway, today we are chatting on Facebook, and she says that she cannot do this anymore and this is not what she wants anymore. Not knowing what to say, I told her that if this is how she felt, then I felt this would be best and wished her luck. A few hours later, I realized that she deleted me from her facebook page.

Keep in mind that her best friend just ended her relationship and is now living the single life. A few weeks back, she told me that all she thinks about is me all day.

Is it wrong to think that maybe she was doing all of this to get some kind of reaction out of me, and for me to say lets be in a relationship?

Some questions here.

You were seeing this girl in person? Yet you were never official? So there was no real relationship here? If you were not ready for it? Then she has every right to move on. You might always try to look for a reason but does it really matter? It is over whatever it was, and she decided that it was done.

Who really knows, I do not know this women. Questioning why? Who really knows. The fact that she decided to end whatever it is, meant that whatever was going on was not working for her.

Joe

talaniman · Nov 28, 2009, 09:42 AM

Sorry for your loss, but just accept she changed her mind about you and leave her alone. Her reasons don't even matter, as your still dumped.

You just can't tell a female "NO" over and over again, and expect her to stay with you.

itried · Nov 28, 2009, 11:35 AM

I think that you may be on to something. She could be doing this to get your attention, after all, she wanted to make it official but you weren't on board. She wanted the label of "bf-gf" because she would like to know that you're at least committed to being with only her and that she's not being used.

The label means a lot to some people, maybe not to you but definitely to her. Because of this she felt the need to see where your head is. Obviously, you're not interested in being her man because you wished her the best of luck instead of saying: Yes, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems that if you would have said those magic words you'd still be with her. Her girlfriend living the single life may have contributed to this as well but that's just conjecture.

It doesn't sound like this is as "epic" of a breakup as we're used to seeing on this site, so the tried, tested and maybe not so true adage of NC! NC! NC! May not necessarily be the best thing for you. If you want her, the ball is in your court to rectify this situation. If she's not receptive then at least you tried and then you can move on.

Good luck.

Devorameira · Nov 28, 2009, 12:24 PM

I may be reading this all wrong but.....

It's hard to say what she was thinking. You said that she wanted to make it official, but that has confused me. If you've been going out that long I would have to deem it as an "official relationship", unless she actually wanted to either tell people or get engaged. It's possible that she did want to get a reaction from you.

If you are dating her and really don't want anybody to know about it, then it appears as if you are actually ashamed of her. I'm afraid I'd break up too if my bf didn't want anyone to know about our relationship.

Don't feel bad - if you aren't ready it's best to not "make it official" in your book.

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Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you're with an individual who isn't moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it ain't going to work. Usher