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Silver Lining · Nov 26, 2009, 02:43 AM

Hi,

My friend is married for 8 years now, to the man she fell in love with. They eloped and got married. Her parents still don't talk to her. They have a 2 year old son and another baby on the way. They are not so wealthy that they can afford a maid or a nanny to help at home and hence my friend is full time busy looking after the child and the house. She is devastated. She feels lonely since he doesn't give her time. All day long she stays alone at home with the baby.

Her husband is seriously addicted to Mafia Wars. he comes home from work and is stuck to the computer, playing Mafia Wars. He hardly gives time to family. She tried deleting his Facebook profile but he opened another. She blocked Mafia Wars, but that was not of any use. She tried talking to him about it. He promised a couple of times saying he'd quit but he never did.

Also, he's addicted to porn. If my friend says she is willing to have sex, he just ignores her and enjoys his time masturbating. This was even before she got pregnant. He had sex with her just so that she conceives again. Soon as they got to know she is pregnant, he is bac with the porn sites.

Any solution?

smdk · Nov 26, 2009, 04:00 AM

Tell the wife also to start playing mafia wars and not listen to her husband when she is playing he will eventually get angry and ask her why she is doing this then she must tell her that's exactly how she feels when he ignored her due to mafia wars...

Silver Lining · Nov 26, 2009, 11:07 PM

Well smdk, she has to look after her 2 year old and also manage cooking, cleaning the house, shopping, etc. there is no way she can play mafia wars unless her son is asleep and she has finished her chores. By then her hubby is home n already glued to the computer.
She has a lot of time at noon but then, her hubby will be at work and there's no use pretending to be addicted to Mafia wars when he is not around. Is it?

smdk · Nov 27, 2009, 01:11 AM

Hmm he is addicted to mafia wars adiction has to be cured slowly maybe his wife must try to interest him in some other things...

justcurious55 · Nov 27, 2009, 01:18 AM

Hide the computer :)

Is marriage counseling and probably individual counseling for him an option for them? There's little that she really can do. It's not like when you're dealing with a child and you can say "that's enough. you're grounded from the computer for a week!" she's dealing with a grown man who has addiction issues here. Dealing with addictions is much more complicated than just getting him interested in other things. Addiction is a disease, not considered a choice. I can't believe that he is sitting there and actively thinking I want to ruin my marriage watching porn and playing computer games.

smdk · Nov 27, 2009, 02:01 AM

Hmm... make him read this How to Fight Computer Game Addiction: 8 steps - wikiHow

Miss-T · Nov 29, 2009, 08:08 AM

Holy cow I'm playing MW too.
And I had few friends who blocked the game because they were scared they might get addicted
But from your story it's problem that he's not realizing he's addicted
Your friend needs to confront him and tells him how she can't stand his addiction(s) anymore and that she'll leave if he doesn't get some help
If he shows no interest I say - DUMP HIM!

Silver Lining · Nov 29, 2009, 11:34 AM

@smdk - his wife has tried to interest him in a lot of things. She planned family outing, he refused to come. She prepared a schedule for him to spend time with their child, he never followed it. She asked him to take their child out to swimming classes, he pretended to be busy all the time. In fact, he doesn't even accompany her to the hospital for her checkups.

She took a print of the material you send on addiction, and they had a big fiight over it. He insisted that he is not addicted and said she is obsessed with it. He says he needs some time off after a busy day in the office, to relax and put his tensions out. Well, he can put his tension out by spending time with his family, right? No use telling him that.

@justcurious- I wish hididng the computer was really an option,, it'd have been great. She cut the broadband wire once and pretended there was a rat at home. He got a rat trap, and a new wire the same day. :(

They can't afford to pay for counseling. Also, he refuses to go out with her. He comes home late in the evening and then its just him and the computer.

As for porn addiction, she tried everything she could, she wore a sexy lingerie, went naked, offered to watch porn with him and have sex after, she approached him for sex, offered b*** job, nothing worked so far.

@Miss-T -she has already tried confronting him, gave him an article on addiction and how to get over it, etc. as for dumping him, its not an option. She has a 2yr old son and another baby on the way. She loves him like crazy. She says she'd rather die than live without him.

She once thought she'd pretend to leave him and let him know how she feels but the problem is She has no one else to go to (her parents don't talk to her,also other family members). I would have offered some help but we stay in different countries. I am not financially strong to help her from here. We have our own financial issues to deal with. Looks like this problem has no solution.

justcurious55 · Nov 30, 2009, 01:32 AM

I realize that because of different cultures and beliefs this may not be an option, but if it is, I'd tell her to get a job, save up some money, and get out at this point. The marriage will never work if he refuses to at the very least make an effort. There's only so much she can do.

If leaving isn't an option, she may just need to get used to having an absent husband. Instead of spending time trying to get him to be a part of heir marriage, maybe she can find ways to enjoy herself. A good book after the kids go to bed. Knitting or sewing.

smdk · Nov 30, 2009, 05:13 AM

Sorry if what material I provided caused a fight... but it seems that he doesnot realise that he is addicted to MW and hence nothing much can be done about it... but maybe if his family explains him then he may listen.have you tried blocking Facebook,myspace or where ever he plays MW?and I agree with mr.just curious get a job but that may not be possible as she has to take care of her children... since how long has all this been going on?

Hardy23 · Nov 30, 2009, 05:54 AM

Tell your friend get some 5 or 10 minutes from your busy schedule and corrupt the window. Go to c drive and delete all the window files. But It will not be a long time solution. I think I need to think something else. It is really a big problem. I will think about it and will tell you later.

smdk · Nov 30, 2009, 06:06 AM

You can use net nanny or similar software to block MW.you can also use keylogger to know his facebook(or wahatever site he plays on)password and delete his account however it takes about 2 weeks to delete an account so you can just change the password perhaps.(WARNING:this is like hacking his id)

Miss-T · Nov 30, 2009, 08:23 AM

Sell the computer while he's working?
Hacking a profile... On Facebook it's not solution cause you can't DELETE it only DEACTIVATE it.
Maybe she can try to delete his e-mail and than deactivate Facebook profile/MySpace - but it won't solve problem

smdk · Nov 30, 2009, 09:29 AM

@misty actually after 2 weeks of deactivation all the info. About the user is lost that means all his progress in MW will be lost... and secondly she can change his id on Facebook and pass as well however he can makr a new id so using netnanny will be very useful...

Silver Lining · Nov 30, 2009, 10:54 AM

@-justcurious- well, she reads a lot and that helps her. There is nothing else she can do to keep herself calm as of now. As I mentioned before, she loves him a lot to leave him.

@smdk- hez been playing MW for over 10 months now. Wouldn't call it an addiction if he took some time off to be with the family. But MW is more important to him. He actually gets frustrated if there's no power or if the net is slow and he can't play...

As far as getting a job is concerned, she has a masters degree in marketing and she can easily get a job. But since she is pregnant with the 2nd baby, she is helpless. JOB was actually a great idea. Then she could afford to hire a nanny and keep herself occupied too.

I think he has some kind of tension which he is not ready to share with her. I asked her if he is happy that she is pregnant. She said he was the one who wanted another child. There must be something bothering him a lot. That's what I feel.

Silver Lining · Nov 30, 2009, 11:10 AM

@ hardy23 and @ smdk - her husband gets very frustrated if he doesn't play MW. He loses his temper and starts drinking and smoking. She says she would rather have him play MW than drink (which he quit soon as they were married).
She doesn't need to hack. She has his password. He actually loves her a lot and trusts her with his life. Just this addiction is coming in their way to a good life. He needs to understand it.

I just heard from her now. She said she spoke to him and explained him how bad she feels that he is not giving her and their son any time. He said he understands and will quit by end of December (promised again). She is not sure if he will keep up his promise.

He completed NY in MW and Cuba too. That leaves him with Moscow. She hopes that he finishes it before they introduce any more countries.

justcurious55 · Nov 30, 2009, 12:09 PM

She's wasting her time. That's what addicts do. They'll be done with something later. And later never really comes. If she can't leave him she needs to accept the situation. Otherwise she will continue to be miserable waiting for him to change, and he will likely never change the way things are going.

Miss-T · Dec 1, 2009, 08:31 AM

Too bad Bangkok is coming for holidays... :/

smdk · Dec 1, 2009, 09:16 AM

Sue makers of mafia wars... :p

kodroba · Jan 2, 2010, 07:09 PM

Well, I saw this post and I am addicted to MW but I stopped playing it few days ago.
How?
I got reported and blocked by some persons and my Facebook account was disabled.
How to disable his account? You will have to log onto it and send few ugly rude PM to some of your friends who will report that account and he won't be able to use it anymore. If he is addicted make sure you log on his main MW Facebook account because he can have more then one.
For players which are strong in MW to be disabled it mean disaster because it disable wins in the game and no goal anymore even if you don't disable all of his accounts.
It is very hard in MW to play all cities and stay strong, it can take a few month of play, and if he play so long he will loose his character and become aware he can't have it back. Don't worry, he knows he is addicted but don't won't to say it on laud.
Other way to be blocked is to accept many friends on Facebook (but it will just be temporary disable).
Best is to go to his account and start sending rude PM to your friends who will report you.
This you have to do in agreement of your friends so they know what are you trying to do.
Make sure you delete sent messages after you are done. When your friends receive your ugly PM they will have to report you (him) to Facebook because of harassment.
Remember he should not know that you are responsible for disabling his Facebook account and Mafia Wars with it.
Hope this will help you save your marriage.
About porn, there is no much to say about it... try to look as best as you can and tease him all the time, man loves that, don't give yourself right away and surprise him with not asking him do you won't BJ, just give it to him...

Good luck.