[sharkedo]

I am 19.. and I am dating an older guy in his 30's. We have been together for about 2 years now. And he has a son who is 8. my boyfriend is a really great guy.. and his kid is really well behaved. They are awesome people and I love them more then anything. One of the reasons I fell for my boyfriend was that he was mature enough to take responsibility for his actions and got full custody of his boy. And they are the cutest things together. This past summer we all moved in together.. because we had to relocate due to my boyfriend getting a new/better job. And lately it feels like.. its really hard being here.. considering I can't just leave whenever I want. I'm here everyday all day.. im not working.. and I'm doing courses online. But I'm always here. I find myself getting really.. irritable at times.. and frustrated with them.. his son has been there years longer than I have.. and I feel like sometimes he tries to compete with me for his daddy's attention.. and I don't want to play that so I leave them alone to have their bonding time.. but then in the end I find myself lonely.. I want to be here for them and I love them more then anything in this world. But sometimes I just want to scream hateful things to everyone and runaway.. and never come back.. but I can't just do that. I can't just leave when there is a kid involved.. and I don't want to leave.. im too stubborn. I just.. feel wayy over my head sometimes.. my friends and family tell me all the time they are proud of me.. and that I'm 'living the life' and that I'm doing a good job. I think I am too.. just those days.. where its so hard... I don't know what to do with myself.. ive made some new friends.. but they are older than me with fulltime jobs. And I feel like I'm behind sometimes.. what do you think?

[88sunflower]

Well first of all I think you feel behind your new friends because you are behind them. There is a huge age gap with you and them it sounds. Your still doing your courses online while I am sure they are done with schooling and have there careers started. You're a good ten years behind them.

You need to find something you can do outside the house so your not always stuck home. A person can really lose themselves living a sheltered life like that. Get out and take your classes on a campus. This way you meet new people and have friends in your own social setting. Join a gym or some arts class. Its good to get out and have your time.

I am sure his son does feel threatened. I am sure he does compete for his daddy's attention. He is a kid. You have to realize his child has gone between two parents and possibly now is scared of losing his daddy again. Of course he has been in his dads life longer, but that doesn't make it any easier. You need to look at it from the eyes of an eight year old who has split parents. Give him the chance to adjust to you being in his dads life and it may be easier for everyone.

[sharkedo]

Also.. his son has never had a mother figure in his life.. my boyfriend took his son when he was 3 months old.. my boyfriends mom has been the biggest mother figure in his life.. and now I'm some girl moving in.. he loves me and has called me mommy.. but then I feel guilt because I wish so badly he was my son.. but he's not he's got a mommy who does love him.. but is kind of a wack job.. so I feel bad. I don't know.

[88sunflower]

also..his son has never had a mother figure in his life..my boyfriend took his son when he was 3 months old..my boyfriends mom has been the biggest mother figure in his life..and now im some girl moving in..he loves me and has called me mommy..but then i feel guilt because i wish so badly he was my son..but hes not hes got a mommy who does love him..but is kind of a wack job..so i feel bad. i dunno.

Exactly. Right there in bold. How do you think this makes an 8 year old feel? Scared he may lose his dad? He doesn't understand this and I think you need to understand this better.

[88sunflower]

In a sense it just hit me. I get the impression now are you a little jealous you have to share attention? That's the way it is when you're a parent.

[sharkedo]

I do feel kind of jealous.. im not going to lie. And I KNOW kids always come first. I get that. And I respect that.. just when we do get alone time and the kids in bed.. I want attention then. That's the times I expect my attention. I know my boyfriend does a lot so he's tired. I get that but I do a lot too.. I do more then most kids my age are doing. So I don't think its fair for him to say he's too tired to talk to me. When I'm just as tired.. I'm basically a stay at home mom who cleans.. takes care of his kid and gives him love.. so I feel like we are already married. I don't want his son to feel like I am trying to take his daddy away from him. I would never want that or do that. I hate when some people do that. I love this kid as if he was my own. But he's not.. and I feel too guilty.. I don't know how to explain it. But I do know he comes first no matter what. It just sucks for me sometimes is all.. we try to make date nights.. but its hard in a new city.. new school for his son. etc. and where we are located babysitters charge a ridiculous amount. We have friends who say they are more then happy to watch him for us.. we just don't want to burden them with that yet. He's not a bad kid. Just he's really shy.. so it just takes time.. I guess I'm just really impatient. With life in general. I know things don't happen over night.. doesnt mean I wouldn't like them to lol

[Jake2008]

Now IS the time to take advantage of people offering to babysit!

When so many changes have taken place, and you are housebound for the most part, making the effort (even if you don't feel like it) is a must do.

You need to spend time together. Alone. Every time you do this, you strengthen your bond, and rekindle that little spark. It is important to do the things you CAN do to improve the alone time together, instead of allowing more and more time to pass where you don't really connect.

When mine were little, we too were in a new place, new part of the country even. Didn't know a soul. Couldn't afford a sitter, everything was stressful. What we did was take a neighbour up on sitting for us eventually, and we would go out. Sometimes we just drove around in the truck listening to music; parked for a while somewhere and took a breather. It was heaven!

Make the effort to get out of this funk you are in, focus on doing little things to spend time alone with him, and you will feel much better about everything.

No excuses, just do it. Even once a week. The rewards could be enormous for you and him, and every couple needs alone time. Sometimes you just have to move mountains to get it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, I have all sorts of age issues ( together two years() so started at 28 and 17...

But that is another boat for another day

A relationship takes work, there needs to be a date night at least twice a month where child goes to sitter and it is just you and he. There also needs to be family time, and while a child is important, in so many years a child is gone and moved and it is just you and he, so your relationship has to be worked on.

[sharkedo]

Yeah it wasn't easy telling our families about us dating.. considering MY age. I know it sounds bad.. ive heard it all. Its also a bit worse for him because he is a christian.. and was raised with god.. his father was a pastor. But in time people learned to accept it. And the age difference does kind of get in the way sometimes. I think he forgets ho young I am sometimes.. and takes me for granted. And he's admitted to it. But he doesn't mean to I get it.. he works 12 hour shifts. Then on his off time.. he spends it with his boy. And me sometimes. But mostly his boy. When my dad first met my boyfriend.. he was NOT pleased. Haha.. but he did learn to like him. He is a great guy.. I wouldn't be here other wise. I'm pretty good with knowing what's good for me. I'm also pretty mature for my age.. but again I had to mature pretty fast for the situation I'm in. I'm really not like other girls my age.. all my friends from back home talk to me about parties , etc. and I was never into that to begin with. I hear all the time.. "what? you're only 19?" like they don't believe it. Lol. Maybe that's my problem. But he doesn't look anything like his age.. when we first met I thought he was 23 maybe. But when I did find out.. I couldn't change what I thought of him. He was different from all the other guys I have met. No he's not perfect. But name one guy who is.. right? He makes me happy. He takes care of me, he supports me, I don't think age matters personally.. unless it was like a 30 year difference. We're all different. And then again I can't sit here and write to you every detail of my life for you guys to get what I'm saying.. there is just too much. But I think I will talk to him about us going on a date here next weekend. And get one of our friends to help us out and watch him. Thanks for the advice :)