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agentsmith · Nov 25, 2009, 03:24 AM

I have known this girl for a number of years now, and have recently realised that I have strong feelings for her and would like to be more than friends. We are pretty good friends, meet up for lunch often and hang out together.
I told her how I felt about her, but she said that she was surprised and that she looked at me as a friend and wanted things to remain that way.
I really don't know what to do, I sometimes felt that she, too, had some feelings for me but that is obviously not the case.
I still meet her often because I don't think I want to stop seeing her completely.
I can't avoid her altogether anyway as we have hang out in the same circle.
I only told her because the way she was with me made me think that she felt the same. Even a couple of mutual friends were under the impression that she had feelings for me from the way she was around me.

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 03:27 AM

There's not really much you can do if she wants to remain friends.. either she has romantic feelings or she doesn't.

My advice is too move on... as much as you want a relationship its not going if she does not want it..

I wish · Nov 25, 2009, 07:45 AM

She already made it clear that she just wants to stay friends. Sometimes, when we have strong feelings for the other person, we tend to twist their response into thinking that we still have a chance, but in reality, it's just false hope.

If you can't get over her while being her friend, then distance yourself away from her until your feelings have gone away. Continually talking to her will only over-analyze everything she says and her kindness in the friendship will make you continue to have false hope. All of which are unhealthy behaviors.

Don't worry about losing the friendship. Because if you were really good friends, you would be able to pick up the friendship from where it left off after you've distance yourself and recovered from this rejection.

agentsmith · Nov 25, 2009, 08:22 AM

You're probably right.
I guess because we've been pretty close and that she flirts a lot with me made me feel that she might want something more than friendship.
I met her for lunch today.
She was talking about going to a new restaurant in town on Friday night, but I told her I was busy, because maybe I just need to distance myself from her for a while.

I wish · Nov 25, 2009, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by agentsmith

She was talking about going to a new restaurant in town on Friday night, but I told her I was busy, because maybe I just need to distance myself from her for a while.

Good call.

Remember, she already knows how you feel about her. So if she felt the same way, she would let you know.

Don't mistaken her kindness and friendliness in the friendship as romantic feelings.

If you can't handle being "only" friends with her, then you should definitely distance yourself from her until your feelings have disappeared. Once the feelings are gone, you will be able to have a natural friendship with her, without having all that false hope, which would be setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak.

You can always tell her the truth:

Since she doesn't feel the same way about you, you feel like you need to distance yourself away from her until your feelings have gone away. Otherwise, you're just emotionally hurting yourself by talking to her. You can also tell her that once you've recovered, you will be able to pick up the friendship from where it left off.

If she was a good friend, she would be able to understand that.

agentsmith · Nov 25, 2009, 09:21 AM

Just got a call from her asking if I was annoyed with her and why I was distant of late.

jaime90 · Nov 25, 2009, 09:29 AM

You can't change her mind about this, and it would be extremely disrespectful to try. You need to accept how she feels, and accept the answer she has given you, even if it wasn't the one you wanted. BUT, ignoring her, leaving her, not hanging out with her ever again because of THIS is just stupid. She didn't say she wanted to leave your life forever, she said she wanted to remain friends- so do just that... Remain being her friend. If it becomes more in the future- great! If not, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. That's all that needs to happen- she has made her wishes known, and as one of her good friends, it would show a lot of maturity, and a lot of respect on your part, to comply.

smazhar2 · Nov 25, 2009, 09:43 AM

I agree with the comments.

It is natural for you to feel upset after sharing your feelings with her. Perhaps you should go some where and really figure out and shelf your feelings for now. You may even want to consider if you are simply infatuated by her or if you have true feelings for her.

If you are infatuated, it may be for the best to shelf your feeling because chances are that if you get together you WILL end up splitting up and mess up your friendship at a grand scale.

If you have true feelings for her, this process will be much more painful. Realize that it took you some time to have these feelings for her and realize that she may or may not develop feelings for you. But she is more likely to have feelings later in life for a good friend than an stalker.

Check out this site for the differences between infatuation and love: Infatuation vs Love - Difference and Comparison - Diffen