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emptynovember · Nov 22, 2009, 08:06 AM

My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half, we never had an argument, we always talked any problems through and we are best friends. We have always had 100% trust and respect for each other and were genuinely happy. After a drunken night out we had our first argument over something silly and the next day we made up and were fine, then my boyfriend heard a rumour that I kissed his friend on that same night. I don't even remember seeing this friend in question but I know I did because he was in some of my photos. I have never been remotely attracted to this guy or any other guy for that matter since I have been with my boyfriend. So my boyfriend heard this rumour from the actual guy, which is bad but I later found out he doesn't remember either, he just heard from someone else and wanted to tell my boyfriend out of friendship. My boyfriend didn't even ask me about it he just told me its over and he's made his mind up. Since this, so many people have told me it wasn't a proper kiss, just a friendly drunken smacker on the lips that people have blown out of proportion. Regardless, I would never intentionally hurt my boyfriend I love him with all my heart. So its been 7 weeks and I've heard nothing, I haven't tried to call him at all because I know he needs his space but I have had no chance to say anything about this stupid situation and it kills me everyday because I miss him so much. Some people have said maybe he wanted out of the relationship but I know this isn't the case, the week before he told me I was the only reason he was happy, and it took a lot for him to say that because he's not the type to express his emotions at all. I think he's insecure because he thinks I kissed his friend when he thought I could do no wrong and he's hurting but the only way to deal with it is to keep me out of sight out of mind. I think I've done well by not callling him, I wrote him a letter 6 weeks ago and I sent him a text saying I understand that not talking to me is the way he is dealing with it and that I love him and I wished him every happiness. It killed me to send that but I've left him alone now and I know he's missing me because my friends have seen him out and say he's not the same. Am I doing the right thing? All I want is for him to be able to express whatever he is feeling and I know he cant, I think he's trapped in his own head and thoughts right now. I am slowly moving on with my life but as an empty shell and because I have to not because I want to. I know lots of people are going to say it will get easier, concentrate on getting back to myself and being healthy but it feels like a bereavement and over something so ridiculous. I just need some advice on why men deal with things this way because I know he loves me he just doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

zippit · Nov 22, 2009, 08:37 AM

I think there is more to it for him than just the kiss,it does sound like a immature reason to break off a otherwise good relationship.
However it is what it is and 7 weeks is a long time so you will need to move on

Your FRIENDS telling you they saw him and he's not the same means very little,if he wanted to get back together he would be on the phone

redhed35 · Nov 22, 2009, 08:42 AM

the end of relationships is always hard.. and although to you the reason for the breakup seems to be quite a small one,to him it would seem a big deal.. he ended your relationship over it... if as you say you were happy and had the upmost respect for each other,surely he would have spoken to you about this and got both sides of the story... he believed the friend over you,which would indicate he had misgivings about the relationship...

he has not contacted you.. he is going no contact, you need to respect that,no more letters or texts..

if he wants you back he knows how to find you... but for you,all you can do is move on,and perhaps realise you put more value on the relationship then he did.

talaniman · Nov 22, 2009, 09:16 AM

While I think your right on many things you have written, the fact remains he has chosen to end this, for whatever reason. That's a fact you can't dispute, and must for your own sake get your own life together. Clearly he sees things differently than you do, but if this relationship can be torn apart by stupid drunkenness, then you can bet things were not as good as you thought.

Leave him alone and deal with your own freedom to be happy. He ain't going to help you with that!

emptynovember · Nov 22, 2009, 09:36 AM

Thanks I appreciate it but I feel I've gone down the wrong road by asking about this on here, at the end of the day all advice is a generalization on everyone and not one other person knows how he or I really feel.

talaniman · Nov 22, 2009, 10:33 AM

His actions speak for him, and that's obvious.

Whether you accept it or not, is strictly up to you. For sure you can't control what he does, only what you do about it.

ChildOfGod_1 · Nov 22, 2009, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Clearly he sees things differently than you do, but if this relationship can be torn apart by stupid drunkenness, then you can bet things were not as good as you thought.

Very true... an unconscious kiss during drunkenness can never be the sole reason for such a break-up.. try to analyse if there was anything else that happened!

But if there was no other reason, then it menas your BF is not strong enough to take you through, so its better you guys brokeup.. Thank God for saving you from further mess... Sometimes men are confusing!

amicon · Nov 22, 2009, 12:17 PM

The only person who knows why he feels and acts the way he does is your ex and as he s not contacting you, you need to accept that it is, sadly, over.
Your best move is to heal from the breakup and move on.

Devorameira · Nov 22, 2009, 12:29 PM

I think there has to be more to the story. One drunken kiss shouldn't have ended a strong relationship.

It's really common to feel like you just cannot live without your ex , but don't make it obvious. Act strong and confident, and let your ex notice that you seem to be doing just fine alone. Don't just act this way around him-let all your acquaintances and casual friends see your good humor and self confidence, so that word will get around that you're not desperate at all! This will give you a much stronger chance of getting your ex boyfriend to take.

zippit · Nov 22, 2009, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by emptynovember

thanks i appreciate it but i feel ive gone down the wrong road by asking about this on here, at the end of the day all advice is a generalization on everyone and not one other person knows how he or i really feel.

You are very right about the fact that no one knows how he really feels we are going by the content in your post,if everything is there and true than that's ALL we have to go by if there is more to it please feel free to tell us.
I also feel like you are wrong in that you went "down a WRONG road" coming here,everyone is just trying to help there can't be any bad in that.