[faye1973]

My husband will stay out all night. We have 3 children. He will tell his kids I promise I am on my way home. He will come home the next day. This is sometimes every week. But at least every 2 weeks. He has came home with new underwear.I always catch him in lie's.
I have caught him walking out of a bar with a woman we know and other friends. The nextday I caught him at his friends house. The woman was with them. Her hair looked as if she just got out of bed. He said I was stupid when I confronted him. He will call home and say Im on my way and never show up. He deletes all text messages. He calls me names when he is not going to come home. I always know when he is going to pull his crap. Because I get a sick feeling. And sure enough he don't come home. He says he is just out drinking. But I have a gut feeling he is cheating. He has never been a good husband. But I lost my mother (the only family I had) a year ago. Then things got real bad. Some one please tell me Im not crazy. Is he cheating??

[kanicky73]

Sweetheart we can't tell you for sure if he is. But I will tell you this much, us woman have a weird way of knowing when something isn't right. We may not always know exactly what is going on but woman's intuition is a very strong thing. Aside of that, his behavior is not acceptable for a husband and father. Staying out all night and not coming home until the next day is not OK unless there is a legitimate reason like work or an emergency. I suggest that you sit him down and just have an adult conversation and tell him how you feel about him staying out all night and the underwear etc. If he really isn't doing anything wrong then he should have no problem sitting down and discussing these issues like an adult. If he gets defensive and calls you names and doesn't want to talk about it, then I think you have your answer. I wish you the best of luck my dear!

[talaniman]

Your not crazy at all, but I can't say he is cheating, but I can say his behavior is very bad, and drinking and acting a fool is as bad as cheating.

Sooner rather than later you have to put your foot down, and make him pay the consequences of his bad behavior.

[NorseThor]

I am sorry that you are having marriage problems, but you are the only one that can control this situation. Confront him with his behavior first. You may not have enough evidence that he is cheating, but you do have enough evidence that he is not being a good husband. Focus on those behavior first. #1. A good husband should never leave his wife alone in bed and his children without their father overnight unless he is on a legitimate business trip. #2. A good husband does not hang out a bars with other women. If he is going to a bar, it should be with you or spending that time taking his family out. #3. A good husband should not lie to you. Dishonesty is the number one break up in marriages. My advise to you is write on a piece of paper one side all his good qualities that are consistent. Then on the other side all the negative qualities. Then note how all his qualities make you feel. Extreme anxiety through out a marriage is not healthy and you have three children to think about. An unhealthy marriage can destroy you mentally and physically and children will see all that negativity growing up and then it will start to destroy them mentally and physically. Get out now will you have the chance. He is showing you now that the marriage is over, because he is not behaving like a husband. Good Luck

[bigblack]

No, hun, you're not crazy. But Why are you putting up with this kind of behaviour? Would your mother think this is OK? Probably not, so grow to learn that your partner will only do the cr*p he thinks he can get away with. You deserve better. As soon as you 'get' this, you will be treated much much better. If he won't reform to this new program, trust that you will be much better off without him. Hugs.

[rockie100]

This is definitely not the way a father should be running his life. Sounds as if he is reverting to his single, unresponsible youth. Ask him if he is willing to give up fatherhood and marriage for the bar scene.
I would have no tolerance for this.

[faye1973]

Thank you all so much. I just hacked in to his cell phone records. I found a number. It is a woman. He talks to and texts her while I am asleep. She will not pick up the phone when I call. But He called lastnight and said he was on his way home.10 min. later he called her and he never came home. There is 81 text messages this week alone.. I guess I have wasted 17 years of my life for nothing. I even called and asked him about the #. He said I was stupid hung up and turned off his phone. I guess I am going to keep him thinking Im stupid all the was to divorce court. Thank you all so much. Im so glad I'm not crazy lol. Just broken.

[Mistique]

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Do you have other family or friends that you can have moral support from? Talking about it is probably not going to work.

1) Your after him all the time (which I ABSOLUTELY don't blame you for - I would respond the same);

2) He is out at the bars drinking (maybe he is stressed about work and responsibility at home - though this is NO GOOD excuse);

3) He is at bars with loose women and friends (which you witnessed);

4) He has NEW underwear when he comes home? (this is not a good indicator - does he smell like he just had a shower too?);

5) Does he spend time to look good to leave the house (could be trying to attract the opposite sex (if not, then he could just be drinking - drowning out real life issues);

6) The story is always changing;

7) He redirects your questions (avoidance) - and note this body language (posture, eyes and hand movement - sometimes body language can tell you a lot that your missing about what he is actually saying);

8) He is neglecting you AND the children.

This needs to be addressed I am just not sure how much "talking" or "confronting" you can do (nagging and complaining - is how he sees it and so he is pushing his boundaries). You need to really put your foot down and honestly... do you want to be married to a bad husband - I don't think so, you need a break, you need to get out and he is being absolutely self centered. At this point I would threaten a divorce and be serious about it... why spend all your nights worried about him? Think about yourself and your kids first! I think I would be happier worried about my children and myself - not some husband that is never there and does not treat you right.

[rockie100]

Im really sorry for you. Listen though, you have three, Im sure, great kids out of this. So don't think of it as a waste, or for nothing. Ok?
Meanwhile, document everything. Keep the emails, texts. Keep track of times and dates.

[bigblack]

Keep in mind that 'broken' is on her way to being fixed. Don't lose that thought hun, you're worth it.

[bigblack]

Im really sorry for you. Listen though, you have three, Im sure, great kids out of this. So dont think of it as a waste, or for nothing. Ok?
Meanwhile, document everything. Keep the emails, texts. Keep track of times and dates.

Absolutely NOT a waste! You only have to look into your children's eye's to see that! Everything happens for a reason, hun, you don't have to understand why.