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Klaipeda · Nov 20, 2009, 02:37 PM

If a woman likes her coovorker and everyone can sense her feeling towards him even though she tries very hard not to show them: Is it a shame for her if she understands that others ( and him himslef) actually can see what's going on inside her,- that others understand that she likes her coleague and he does understand it too? Especially if the person that she feels symphaty for is married?
What should she do? :o

JudyKayTee · Nov 20, 2009, 02:57 PM

She should stay away from married men, co-workers included.

I see no problem finding someone to be attractive. I know lots of attractive people. I do see it as a problem if it becomes an embarrassment to either party or an inside joke in the workplace.

What exactly ARE her feelings toward him?

Klaipeda · Nov 20, 2009, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

She should stay away from married men, co-workers included.

I see no problem finding someone to be attractive. I know lots of attractive people. I do see it as a problem if it becomes an embarrassment to either party or an inside joke in the workplace.

What exactly ARE her feelings toward him?

She likes him, but tries hard to hide these feelings as she understands that she's not supposed to feel anything like that towards married man. But she is concerned how much she really is hiding- she does not communicate with him much at work nor he is communicating with her much. But she is worrying that someone can sense that she likes him... They don't meet up or something that everyone can grab on, she worries more about the shame if someone does understand what is really going on inside her..

JudyKayTee · Nov 20, 2009, 08:22 PM

So she should work on changing her thinking and the way she presents herself.

And stay away from him.

jmjoseph · Nov 20, 2009, 08:46 PM

This "person" will be viewed as chasing a married man. THAT is something that you do not want. This person will be labeled names that I am sure you can figure out.

It never is a good idea to try to keep an office romance secret in the first place, but when one of the people is married, and not even interested (you didn't say if he was or not), that is viewed as being pathetic by many.

Marriage is a sacred union. Never covet another woman's man. You can look, but it ends there. Don't cross the line.

The world is full of single men, tell this "person" to go out and find one.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 20, 2009, 09:32 PM

Yes, there is a lot of shame in "wanting" a married man too much,
She needs to move on to other interest

talaniman · Nov 21, 2009, 09:52 AM

While its nothing wrong with the attraction to others, married or not, staying professional at work, and within the boundaries of good behavior is the way to go.

That's what your co workers will judge you on, your actions, not your thoughts.

Klaipeda · Nov 21, 2009, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

While its nothing wrong with the attraction to others, married or not, staying professional at work, and within the boundaries of good behavior is the way to go.

Thats what your co workers will judge you on, your actions, not your thoughts.

That's the point. This woman acts cold and allof towards him and strictly maintains boundaries but it is difficult for her to be near him and not to feel the flame... Especialy when sometimes he is playfull with her. He is charming, wears amazing parfume, kind and if he does perceive that she is attracted to him, he does not do anything to make these feelings disappear.. These feelings just drives her crazy especially when she works alone with him..
But nobody at work could point a finger at her saying that she's got feelings as there's nothing to point at- ther's no eye contact, not much talk to him etc.. Unconciously though she is afraid they can 'smell' that feeling in her.
That woman works in a team with another more attractive man and this another man also has family but he acts in the way that clearly creates boundaries- he is cold, strictly proffesionals and no jokes or playfullness... So this woman easly goes on working with the secod man as she does not for some reason any feelings for him I guess because he strictly sent unconscious message- I am married or God knows why..

talaniman · Nov 21, 2009, 10:31 AM

But it is difficult for her to be near him and not to feel the flame.

The flame is what she has to deal with, and that is a test we all take. Her thoughts may be a jumble, but her actions should not be. That's the real point we humans face all the time, as we are thrown into many social, and professional settings.

Its not unusual at all to feel that others can read your mind, or sense your feelings, when we are in the middle of coping with our own feelings.

Gemini54 · Nov 22, 2009, 12:35 AM

You've asked this question before, but in a different way:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/workpl...ly-409406.html

Leave him alone, he's married. Stop creating the fantasy around him. You're a big girl, control yourself.

JudyKayTee · Nov 22, 2009, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

You've asked this question before, but in a different way:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/workpl...ly-409406.html

Leave him alone, he's married. Stop creating the fantasy around him. You're a big girl, control yourself.

OP appears to have a variety of problems in the workplace - this is just one of them.

jmjoseph · Nov 22, 2009, 04:37 PM

This is from the previous post by the OP here. It speaks VOLUMES! :

"Whatever comes this guy I like never chooses me to be his assistance even for a couple of minutes,(the job doesn't require any brains , - its easy and nothing to do much for asistant- like cleaning the equipment and table, changing the bed)) he sometimes prefers to wait for another assistant if no one apart from me is available at the time.- I can see his avoidance showing up very much. I feel that as if he feels that I like or liked him and he is saying- "do not dare to touch me as I am married", for that reason,he avoids me and we don't communicate much at work anymore.

This guy is MARRIED. He is someone else's HUSBAND.

He is not AVAILABLE.

He is NOT INTERESTED.

You might consider counseling.

jmjoseph · Nov 22, 2009, 06:56 PM

JudyKayTee agrees: If you read ALL of her posts she should consider a counselor for several issues. This is just one of them.

Yes, it is indeed a shame.

It takes all kinds doesn't it, Judy?

I'm just glad I'm not the guy at her job.

I would be forced to get a restraining order.

Or a stun gun.

Gemini54 · Nov 22, 2009, 07:15 PM

A stun gun? Perhaps a book of etiquette on how to behave in the workplace, with a set of instructions - no fighting, flirting or fawning.

The avatar is interesting - dancing or fighting?

Gemini54 · Nov 23, 2009, 11:59 PM

jmjoseph agrees: The stun gun was a joke... kind of.

Heh, I knew that - we do have a sense of humor in Australia - I was attempting sarcasm about the book of etiquette, which was probably a bit below the belt or over the OP's head... not sure which.

... she may not come back to this post given the 'bashing' she's got...

jmjoseph · Nov 24, 2009, 05:26 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Heh, I knew that - we do have a sense of humor in Australia - I was attempting sarcasm about the book of etiquette, which was probably a bit below the belt or over the OP's head .... not sure which.

....she may not come back to this post given the 'bashing' she's got ...

I know you understood. You're as sharp as Crocodile Dundee's knife.

Klaipeda · Nov 28, 2009, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

So she should work on changing her thinking and the way she presents herself.

And stay away from him.

Well she does stay away from him..

Klaipeda · Nov 28, 2009, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

This "person" will be viewed as chasing a married man. THAT is something that you do not want. This person will be labeled names that I am sure you can figure out.

It never is a good idea to try to keep an office romance secret in the first place, but when one of the people is married, and not even interested (you didn't say if he was or not), that is viewed as being pathetic by many.

Marriage is a sacred union. Never covet another woman's man. You can look, but it ends there. Don't cross the line.

The world is full of single men, tell this "person" to go out and find one.

She does not chase a married man! Are there any problems in understanding the original question please?

Klaipeda · Nov 28, 2009, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

So she should work on changing her thinking and the way she presents herself.

And stay away from him.

She presents herself as cold and indiferent towards him but friendly and cooperative in regards of the tasks to be done at work

Klaipeda · Nov 28, 2009, 06:46 AM

Concentrate on the question please, don't paraphrase my question, please. If you cannot do it without showing yourself as 'being clever', please don't answer as I will not regard it as an answer but because answers are not possible to delete, I disregard them as 'unwise'. I need answers from down to earth people, not from 'clever' not 'having a lot of brains' or 'having a lot of experience'. Each answer I read, I got an Idea straight away what kind of person is writing ( and with what degree of therapy she/ he needs to have) . Look at yourself and if I have enough courage to talk at all, you are not so talkative to share your insecurities with others for the simple anxiety problems.Do not pretend please that you don't have any problems in your life and that you are immune to all kinds of arisen problems that's not true!
All kind of insulting speech I disregard!