[mudweiser]

Hi.

I have best gal pal. I don't really have many of those [gal pals]. I don't know how this is going to sound but most of the girl friends I've had started liking me in ways other than friendship, I wasn't interested [i'm straight] so we got distant.

This friend, let's call her B. Whenever a girl told me their feelings for me I would go talk to B about it and we would laugh about it. She knew once that happened that it completely killed off the frienship I had with them.

Recently, she told me that she was bi.

So anyway, I'm not bothered that my best friend is bi, nor should I be but then again I am. Not that she grosses me out but that I thought we were both straight, like she lied to me.

Do you get what I'm trying to say?

I felt like she lied to me.

Grrr. What wrong with me.

Sarah

[itried]

I think I get it.

You now feel that she may have had ulterior motives when you two became friends? Now that she's revealed this to you, you feel that the friendship has been compromised and that you've maybe lost a friend because of it.

Maybe. Just guessing.

[mudweiser]

Kind of.

I love her! She like a sister to me. We've been friends for so many years..

I just feel like she lied to me for some reason.

I don't like feeling this way. I really don't. I wish I didn't and I have no idea how to stop it.

Urgh.

Sarah

[FlyingViper]

If you both are really good friends, then something like sexual orientation shouldn't change that.

I think you should talk this out with your friend. It sounds like you have already distanced yourself a little from her.

[mudweiser]

We're actually talking right now, but you are right I should talk to her about how I feel.

Thanks Viper.


Sarah

[mudweiser]

Okay so here is how the conversation went on MSN:

Sarah says:
I'm kind of mad at you but not.
Like I feel like you lied to me but I know you didn't
Like when I would tell you about the other girls and we'd laugh about it and you'd be all like eww vag and we' d laugh. Now it feels like you lied to me like I don't know how to write it down but that's kind of how I feel. Like not mad but like a tad bit bothered.

B says:
Hahahaha

Sarah says:
Bothered not even the word.
So you laugh...

B says:
Because what am I suppose to say sorry I went along withit because I wasn't ready to tell u


-sigh-

Sarah

[itried]

She's been hiding it and that's all there is to it. She wasn't ready to reveal it to you until recently. I guess you'll just have to get over it somehow. I have no idea how though, because I don't have any friends who are gay or bi (that I know of).

All I can say is that you probably shouldn't push the issue with her, because no matter how you approach this, it's a sensitive subject. Let her bring it up at her leisure.

At least she knows this is kind of a big deal to you now.

[mudweiser]

Thanks itried for the help you've given me.

So me and B got into a little argument.

She said to me "oh so are you going to hook me up with those girls your rejected"

And I said "No, your on your own on that one. I don't match make".

I admit I did say it with some cattyness in what I said.

Like this isn't me. I'm still friends with those whom "came out" and had no feelings towards me, but when it comes to B.. It's different.

:(

I went for a huge jog and usually that cures my ick feelings but nothing.

I know I'm going to sound like a douche but I wish she didn't tell me, but then again I bet that was a lot of secret to keep, espcially from me.

I should be a friend, not a judgmental loser. I should be her friend, not an idiot.

Grr. Sarah you're a dummy get over yourself, your friend needs you.

[itried]

Yeah, it probably was a big revelation for her to make and it probably took a lot of time for her to work up the courage to finally reveal it to you. Take it as a good sign, a sign of trust and go from there.

It doesn't seem like you're being judgmental or a douche (funny word). I guess I would probably feel the same way if one of my buddies came out and told me that he was gay. That would be weird. So, what you're going through is probably natural. Go with the flow.

[mudweiser]

Yeah, it probably was a big revelation for her to make and it probably took a lot of time for her to work up the courage to finally reveal it to you. Take it as a good sign, a sign of trust and go from there.

It doesn't seem like you're being judgmental or a douche (funny word). I guess I would probably feel the same way if one of my buddies came out and told me that he was gay. That would be weird. So, what you're going through is probably natural. Go with the flow.

Thanks!

I feel like a giant jerk but I'll leave her be until she's ready to talk to me again.

-sigh-

Thanks again...

[talaniman]

Lighten up on yourself as Your probably in shock over the revelation that someone who is close to you is gay. Trust me, I know that changes a lot of things especially if you had no clue.

Relax, you'll get use to it, if you care about the person, and come to understand what they may be going through and how difficult it may be to come clean to you, given your attitude toward other gays. Don't shoot me, just see the bigger picture, from her point of view.

She hasn't changed, but you have. How could you not?

[jmjoseph]

Sarah, I kind of understand how you feel. You both enjoyed a common laugh when one of your supposed straight friends showed interest in you. You thought that she was on your team, and had the same orientation. But the whole time she was playing on BOTH teams.

OK, now that she has told you, you feel somewhat betrayed, because you view her as a double agent. BUT, has she shown interest in YOU? Yes, she was indeed wrong in saying "EWWW" with you yes, but maybe she wasn't ready to tell you yet, seeing how you felt when the others came on to you, you cringed.

So, you are upset because you were talking ABOUT those people TO one of those people, and not knowing it.

I too, would be upset if I were in your position. But you love this girl, and you stand the risk of losing her friendship if you don't just let it go. I think that she KNOWS not to come on to you now that you've made it crystal clear how you feel concerning a bi-sexual lifestyle.

Maybe that's the reason she hasn't come clean to you, or made passes at you.

It seems like I remember in the not so distant past, how you shared your dreams, or fantasies of being with another woman, here on the board.

Did you share these with "B"?

[zippit]

Sarah,
Don't make the mistake of trying to solve this via,text,email etc
If its possible get face to face
I would be willing to bet it ends in a big (non-gay lol) hugggg!

[Gemini54]

Hi Muddy, I can sort of understand how you feel. A really good friend told me she was getting married and moving (and like she was doing it the next week). When I asked her why she didn't tell me, she made some excuse about him coming from a well known family in my town. (like 3 million people live here OK, not 3 thousand!)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say it that sometimes part of friendship is accepting that there are things your friends keep to themselves. It's not that they love you any less, it's just that there are certain things that are theirs. This happens in relationships as well.

In your case, your GF may have felt awkward because of the way you used to laugh about sex with women. Also, she not have fully integrated the idea that she was bi and it may have just been an idea in the back of her head. I don't think she lied to you - she just wasn't ready to tell you. You need to respect that.

She's your friend and she told you - that's good isn't it? She knows you're straight - that's good isn't it? You can now laugh at all the women that hit on her - that's good isn't it?

Cut her a bit of slack and don't make it only about how you feel. You're lucky to have a best friend - that's a gift not to be discarded easily!

[mudweiser]

Hey guys thanks for the answers!

I wish I could talk to her in person but currently I am in B.C. and she is in Ontario! I'll be coming back to Ont in a week or two and we're going to see each other then.

We are still talking. I got all my feelings out and we put a bandaid on it and we've moved on.

Yes I did tell her about my lesbian dreams and she would just say "I'm not surprised- your surrounded by gays".

It's not that we would make fun of the people that hit on me... it was more making fun of me that I would always get hit on. It would be something like "she wanted you because your boobs keep popping out of that shirt" "it's because you did her hair that one time and she liked the way you touched her..." like stupid little things.

I don't know if she likes me, frankly I don't want to find out. She already told me "just because I'm bi doesn't mean I want to do you-- your to ugly for me anyways".

So we're okay. It seems though now that she's is a lot more open. She even asked me too hook her up with the girls that did hit on me and well that made me a little uncomfortable and I said "your on your own with that one B".

Like I said we're okay now. I still feel a little uneasy but hell I'm just going to try my best to move on. I love her :)

[zippit]

. I love her :)

Aawwwwwww;);)

[mudweiser]

don't let it stop your good friendship. you have a strong foundation. if you lose her you'll lose laughs, cries, good times

Oh trust me, we talked through it and to be honest now, I'm feeling good that she finally told me. Must've been hard with me since I told her those things about the previous girls.

All is well between B and I and we're probably closer than ever :)