[liketoknow]

My question is how does a control freak act or react when they are faced with their greatest fear, that of losing whom they control the most? And what is their behavior like after they realized that that person has walked away? What should I expect as a fallout from this person (the controlling one)? How should I be prepared to deal with it?

[amicon]

Could you give us some more details please? Is this someone you're in a relationship with?

[Devorameira]

Does he control you using verbal or physical abuse? If he does, it may be a good idea to go to a woman's shelter where you'll be safe and call him to break it off. When a controlling man loses control it can get reallly ugly! Good luck - BE SAFE! :confused:

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

It's not what you think. Once they find out they cannot control you, they move on to the next person that they can.

Controlling behavior comes from insecurities. Being in control makes them feel strong and not having to face their insecurities.

[liketoknow]

Livingthe Life...
Intresting thought. But more to reason for my question, this person is also in a controlling relationship where they are being controlled and it seems that this person's greatest fear must have come into play by the controler because this person has made some rather irrational decisions (apparantly on their own) to stop all outside communication and contact with certain individual friends.. end of discussion. Having relealized what is going on the friends affected have decided to walk away from the friendship. Thus the reasons behind my questions. Is this out of character and irrational behavior typical of a control freak that is being controlled also. I get the impression that this person's greatest fear button has been pushed. What should the friends expect as this unfolds.

[amicon]

So are you in fact saying that someone is pushing their friends away? And they are in a controlling relationship? I feel there is still not enough little information to give advice,but I have to ask,do you think the person in question is being physically abused?

[pfanatic]

This is an intersting question. I would really like some more details if possible. You're talking about it too abstract. Thanks.
For now, I'll say they're a perfect match. Both of them are getting exactly what they want from each other.
As for friends, don't get involved. It's too good for them to be in that relationship. He/she'll never listen to you or understand. Control in that matter is pathological.

[liketoknow]

amicon... yes this person is being forced to push friends away, even though this person is saying they are doing by their own free will (which I find hard to believe) in an effort to protect their greatest fear from happening. Yes they are in a controlling relationship, even though this person is swearing up and down that the controlling person in their life has "Changed". Has this person been physically abused? Not sure, but if there has been emotional and mental abuse, what can you infer, if anything about the chances of other ?

[amicon]

This is my personal experience from volunteerwork I do for an organisation that helps physically abused women in the UK: The abused person,not always a woman,gradually loses their selfrespect, starts blaming themselves for what's happening and will defend the partner. Often they stop interacting with family and friends. I've no idea if this is the case here but the fact that you're posting this question,to my mind, suggests that you are worried. If your friend pushes you away,try to still keep in touch with them Tell them you re there for them if they need you.

[liketoknow]

A. I have never seen any sign of physical abuse. The comments that this person is saying the controlling spouse has "changed", to me is conter intuitive to the situation. My thinking is, if he really has changed, then why the need to make a promise to totally disassociate with long time friends?

[amicon]

I'd say your thinking is right. Controlling behaviour in itself can be a form of emotional abuse,and the question most people would ask is,why not keep in touch with their friends? I don't know what you feel you can do about this,how close a friend is this?

[liketoknow]

This is a very close friend.
At the end of the day, your last sentence in your last response is what it all comes down too. Tell them your there if they need you.

[amicon]

Yes,be there and be observant. Something's not right there.

[liketoknow]

I agree. I have been observant throughout the years, but perhaps in a state of denial, because of the friendship and a concern on my part of over reacting and assuming the worse on my part. Its been difficult to accept what the reality of the situation maybe.

[liketoknow]

Has anyone ever heard the word Harmonizer interchanged with the word control freak to describe someone in the workplace?