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Jessie06 · Nov 18, 2009, 08:59 PM

Hmmmm... before I start, I think it's pretty obvious how this guy I'm dating must see me, but maybe I need someone else other than my friends to tell me how it is...

I first met this guy at a bar... (should of known) and I was just about to leave because my friend was pretty drunk lol and I was the one who was driving us home, and this guy grabbed my hand, and said I was beautiful. I'm nornmally don't hestiate to walk away and that be about it, but I added up giving this guy my number because he was fineee. :)

Anyway, after a week I was thinking he was never going to call me, I wasn't losing sleep over it, because I was actually talking to another guy at the time. And that very day I thought he wasn't going to call me and he really did call me... He asked for us to go out that night but I had already had a date, and as much as I really wanted to cancel I couldn't and then I told him the next night we should go to the movies or something.

The next day came around and he canceled on me... So about 3 weeks later almost going on our 4th week I stopped talking to the other guy and starting getting with him, we've had a couple dates, lots of spark kissing, but lots of game playing. First he tells me he wants to take it slow, and the next minute he's trying to rub up on me. Lol Don't get me wrong I had sex with him once, and that just recently happened. He is always bringing up that I already have a boyfriend, which makes me think he might already have a girlfriend. Not to metion I have a child, and it took him the second week to tell me he had four kids. Lol It's games, games, games, it worries me, but at the same time, I give him credit that he is told me about his kids because I don't think at first I would have actually talked to him if he had 4 kids, because he's 26 and Im only 22. Um... please tell me, this will go somewhere... I really like him what should I do, he told me he has trust issues, is that it? Or am I being played help meeee!!

BlackVY · Nov 18, 2009, 09:15 PM

Listen very carefully... and believe me...

This is not going to go anywhere. Games belong in the bedroom at the most, not in a relationship. If you continue to "play" with him, you are going to lose and you will get hurt. Don't do it.

h_leann_b · Nov 19, 2009, 10:45 AM

If you really want something to work with him, you need to communicate. Talk to him about what kind of relationship he wants. Because I think his meaning of 'going slow' is a relationship.. not sex. I don't think he is interested in anything serious. If you want something long term, it's the best bet to move on. But if you just want to have fun and see where things go... do it. But without talking to him and asking him what he really wants you will just be expecting more of him than he is willing to give.

liz28 · Nov 19, 2009, 11:25 AM

Always view a person actions instead of just listening to his words because actions speak louder than words. Also, listen carefully to what a person is telling you. Does he have trust issues because he been hurt in the past or because he have hurt females in the past and is afraid of payback.

You just meet this person so you barely know anything about him so even considering a serious relationship with this guy at this time might be a serious mistake.

Dating is all about getting to know each other before you take things to the next level. So if you not liking what your hearing then your best bet is to leave before you allow yourself to get wrapped up in this guy.

artlady · Nov 19, 2009, 11:41 AM

Sounds to me like he is out for a romp in the sack ,a few giggles and nothing more.
Does this Dad of four take care and support his children?
You can learn a lot about a person by the way they parent.

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 12:50 PM

Sounds like a friends with benefits arrangement.

If you're OK with that, then go ahead.

But if you're looking for something more serious, you better put your foot down.

Jessie06 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by h_leann_b

If you really want something to work with him, you need to communicate. Talk to him about what kind of relationship he wants. Because I think his meaning of 'going slow' is a relationship.. not sex. I don't think he is interested in anything serious. If you want something long term, its the best bet to move on. But if you just want to have fun and see where things go... do it. But without talking to him and asking him what he really wants you will just be expecting more of him than he is willing to give.

We have already talked about this, he said he wants to be in a relationship but he wants to know me more... But then when I bring it up he says I already have a boyfriend. I don't get it really, if he just wants to get some from me, I told him to tell me... but he keeps dragging me all over the place.

Jessie06 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Sounds like a friends with benefits arrangement.

If you're ok with that, then go ahead.

But if you're looking for something more serious, you better put your foot down.

I think it is so hard for me to put my foot down to this, because this has happened to me before. I think these are all my old ways coming back to me.

Jessie06 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Sounds to me like he is out for a romp in the sack ,a few giggles and nothing more.
Does this Dad of four take care and support his children?
You can learn a lot about a person by the way they parent.

I know that he works A lot like 6 days a week for his kids, there in a different state. So I know he loves his kids, the first time he met my son he paid more attention to him then me... :) I think that is another reason why I'm getting myself attacked. There are so many reasons I do believe I am a friend with benefit, but at the same time he tells me things a friends with benefit shouldn't say...

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 02:23 PM

If you want something more serious, but you can't put your foot down, then SLOW THINGS DOWN.

Seems like you're rushing things with him. Take a few steps back and focus on getting to know each other better. Tone down on the physical aspects, especially the sex part.

Rockursock · Nov 19, 2009, 03:00 PM

I think that even though your are only 22, 2 years older than me... having a child forces you to grow up and become an adult and make adult decisions. This wouldn't be a big deal in college, but as soon as children are in the equation relationships should be seen as potential lifelong partners. So my answer is, and don't take this the wrong way, but don't be another dumb girl suckered into something like this. Coming from a guys perspective Im pretty sure he doesn't feel they same way about u. Sorry to say.

Jessie06 · Nov 19, 2009, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by Rockursock

I think that even though your are only 22, 2 years older than me...having a child forces you to grow up and become an adult and make adult decisions. This wouldn't be a big deal in college, but as soon as children are in the equation relationships should be seen as potential lifelong partners. So my answer is, and don't take this the wrong way, but don't be another dumb girl suckered into something like this. Comming from a guys perspective Im pretty sure he doesn't feel they same way about u. Sorry to say.

Understandable I put myself out there. :o

artlady · Nov 20, 2009, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by Jessie06

I know that he works ALOT like 6 days a week for his kids, there in a different state. So i know he loves his kids, the first time he met my son he paid more attention to him then me... :) I think that is another reason why I'm getting myself attacked. There are so many reasons I do believe I am a friend with benifit, but at the same time he tells me things a friends with benifit shouldnt say...

In reality he does have to play the romance card a little bit.
Not many women are going to be O.K. with a guy saying "I'll use you and you use me ,until it gets old".
He has to try to woo you in some way.
Just have realistic expectations and that way you won't get burned.

jaime90 · Nov 20, 2009, 01:08 PM

The kid is only 26 and he has 4 kids- have you asked him if all 4 kids have 4 different moms? The last thing you want is to end up his 5th kids mom... You need to stop this- you are being played. This guy is telling you he wants to take it slow, he thinks you're beautiful, and taking you out on fine dates because he wants to keep you on the hook and have sex with you- you barely knew the guy and you already slept with him, he's got you right where he wants you... Don't fall for it.