[BabyGurlTesha]

As a little girl I always could remember coming into contact with I guess spirits, some good and some very horrible and its always bothered me because I didn't know what they wanted or what any of it meant. I could see them walking around talking floating in mid air, appearing and disappearing, black looking figures sum came with bright lights or sum type of shine to them or even a blue type of light. As an adult I have been dealing with a lot more spirits that seem to be a lot stronger or I guess you can say there just starting to become sctive with me. I've been laying in bed and could feel like something was layn right on top of me and every time it happened I would get these real bad urges to have sex all the time, if I acted on it I would be very aggressive during sex from biting to scratching, sometimes I wake up from sleep completely angry, frustrated or irritated not wanting to be bothered by anyone just wanting to sit in a dark room. Its been times where I could hear voices telling me to hurt myself, sometimes fighting the voices were hard and sometimes the voices won the battle, I've tried suicide 4 times without having any reason for wanting to do it and sometimes not really remembering that I even tried it. At 22 when I tried suicide again I was admitted to a hospital and had to stay for a week while being examed by doctors, I can honestly say that I was the only one who seemed normal including the doctors and nurses, but I was told that I was Bi- polar and had the worst case of it, also schizophrenic and everything else in the book of psychology, I was giving 5 diff meds and sent home where that next day I had a horrible break down where I punched a wall mirror breaking it into at least a few hundred pieces and taking the biggiest piece and stabbing and slicing at my arms, I couldn't remember what ahappen after that but I woke up in another hospital strapped down to a bed, my parents told me that I was pulling my hair out my head attacking myself while screaming at the top of my lungs, my mom told me my eyes filt with darkness... To this very day she can't explain any further to me what she saw in me and my eyes that morning. Im 26 now with an 8 year old daughter and still have episodes but nothing like before until about a week ago, Laying in bed feeling like someone layn on top of me and getting that urge for sex but now acting on it with masturbating and feeling like trash afterwards, seeing dark figures who send aches and pains threw my body or taking my breath right out of my body, feeling like I can't control my body like someone else is. Recently being scratched on my legs by something that I couldn't see and last night my daughter was talking in her sleep and it sound like she was being chased by someone or something, I woke her up and asked her what was wrong and she told me she was being held down by two figures that had blood on them and they were scratching at her, we prayed and she went to sleep and slept the rest of the night but at about six in the morning I was woke up my something pulling me by my ankle out of the bed and when I woke fully up it stopped leaving me hanging half way off the bed. I just don't know what's going on or why, can anyone tr to help me me undertsand?

[tickle]

I really don't think praying with your eight year old after a violent dream will help her any. You are just substantiating the occurrence. That is just a terrible theme for a dream, being chased by someone and being held by TWO figures with bloody hands.

You have had serious problems in the past, and have somehow, maybe talked about them with your daughter and you have transferred these fears onto her.

You need more help then you have ever had before and this time you have to pay attention to what professionals tell you.

I don't think your daughter should be in the same house as you quite frankly, or else great harm will come to her from this transferrence. If you really loved her, you would distance yourself.

Just my opinion. I don't really care for the direction of your post.

ms. tickle

[J_9]

As a medical professional I see schizophrenia all over this post. I also see transference of your "fears/delusions"on to your daughter. I'm sorry, but I believe you need some serious psychiatric help here. I agree with Tickle in that your daughter probably does not need to be in your care at this time.

[shatteredsoul]

Please think of the mental anguish your daughter has experienced with watching you suffer and struggle through your violent and harmful episodes. I think you have a conscience and a spirit trying to speak through all the pain and delusional thoughts. You are very sick though. You need serious intervention for yourself to stay alive and for your daughter not to begin the same patterns of behavior. Maybe the same visions or hallucinations you saw in childhood represented some other kind of pain you weren't acknowledging or couldn't deal with. Did you experience death at an early age? Do you have a therapist who can get you into a place that can get you more stable and less likely to commit suicide? Please do not feel pushed away by anyone's post.. it is scary to read your words and it frightens people because they know what the outcome can be from this type of situation. That doesn't mean you cannot express your feelings and talk to people on here for help, but realize that we won't be enough. You have multiple issues going on that we aren't equipped to deal with or solve.. but we can listen and support you while you search for the help and healing that your soul and body desires. You mustn't give up on yourself, reach within the depths of you and fight for your daughter and your own survival. She needs a mother who can be mentally stable and be there for her. Praying is always something that can be positive but it may not be enough to deal with her fears, anxieties and dreams that are now threatening her stability. Can she maybe stay with your parents while you seek some help? Are you talking to your parents?
I am so sorry you struggle within your mind like that. I know my sister struggles with an undiagnosed mental illness and she feels constantly tortured. It sounds like you are too. My thoughts are with you and I do not judge your circumstances, I only wish for an intervention to save you before you go too far. Keep in touch if it helps in anyway.

[tickle]

As a medical professional I see schizophrenia all over this post. I also see transference of your "fears/delusions"on to your daughter. I'm sorry, but I believe you need some serious psychiatric help here. I agree with Tickle in that your daughter probably does not need to be in your care at this time.

Yes, J_9, I agree that schizophrenia (with bipolar a bad combination of both) is at work here and unfortunately her daughter has likely seen and heard too much. Eight year olds are very impressionable and if the daughter is already having those horrible dreams, then I can only wonder what is next. I just hope that it is isn't too late for the daughter to be drawn out of these very dangerous circumstances. I wonder where the rest of the family is ?

Tick

[BabyGurlTesha]

As a medical professional I see schizophrenia all over this post. I also see transference of your "fears/delusions"on to your daughter. I'm sorry, but I believe you need some serious psychiatric help here. I agree with Tickle in that your daughter probably does not need to be in your care at this time.

I don't feel its schizophrenia at all, that's a medical term created and used by man and people everyday just buy into it because they want to put a answer to a question. My daughter is perfectly fine she lives a normal life as any other eight year old and honestly I don't believe I haven't came across not one child that hasn't had some type of bad dream. I have had my daugther live with grandparents and she became worse until she came back into my care, I come from a very good family and it might seem weird to you any anyone else but if you met me you wouldn't think that I had any problems at all.:)

[BabyGurlTesha]

Please think of the mental anguish your daughter has experienced with watching you suffer and struggle through your violent and harmful episodes. I think you have a conscience and a spirit trying to speak through all the pain and delusional thoughts. You are very sick though. You need serious intervention for yourself to stay alive and for your daughter not to begin the same patterns of behavior. Maybe the same visions or hallucinations you saw in childhood represented some other kind of pain you weren't acknowledging or couldn't deal with. Did you experience death at an early age? Do you have a therapist who can get you into a place that can get you more stable and less likely to commit suicide? Please do not feel pushed away by anyone's post.. it is scary to read your words and it frightens people because they know what the outcome can be from this type of situation. That doesn't mean you cannot express your feelings and talk to people on here for help, but realize that we won't be enough. You have multiple issues going on that we aren't equipped to deal with or solve.. but we can listen and support you while you search for the help and healing that your soul and body desires. You mustn't give up on yourself, reach within the depths of you and fight for your daughter and your own survival. She needs a mother who can be mentally stable and be there for her. Praying is always something that can be positive but it may not be enough to deal with her fears, anxieties and dreams that are now threatening her stability. Can she maybe stay with your parents while you seek some help? Are you talking to your parents?
I am so sorry you struggle within your mind like that. I know my sister struggles with an undiagnosed mental illness and she feels constantly tortured. It sounds like you are too. My thoughts are with you and I do not judge your circumstances, I only wish for an intervention to save you before you go too far. Keep in touch if it helps in anyway.

Please don't be sorry Im a very strong woman and I will continue to be, when people look from the outside in yea it looks real bad but its even worse when you're the main character in the movie, I believe that the worse is over and that Im getting better each day, but what bothers me the most is that I have sought every type of help you can think of and the only thing that has helped my mind and soul stay at peace is the faith I have in god and myself, but yes I still see my doctors as scheduled even though I feel they really don't have the answer or even the slightest clue of what's wrong with me. I will continue to talk about this with people because that also helps me out, getting different out looks from different types of people makes me realize that I'm not the only one with these problems, I'm never offened because as you can see I have been threw worse:) My daughter is my heart and besides the dream she had she hasn't been exposed to any of my episodes, she has been at school or with family when some of the worst has happened, I know she's knows something was wrong because I was in the hospital but I watch and I pay very close attention to her because these days sometimes parents tend to over look things and honestly I think that's what my parents did, I think I was about 7 or 8 when I first started going threw things and I can't remember not one time when they asked me what was wrong or why I was scared. Im in school full time and my major is (Psychology) and I picked it because I feel it will give me more of a understanding of what could be going wrong with this mind of mines, also I'm going threw my family and trying to find out if Im the only one who has been threw this, I've been told that this could be something that runns threw my family. Im not saying I believe it all but I believe it could give me some peace mind.

[BabyGurlTesha]

I really dont think praying with your eight year old after a violent dream will help her any. You are just substantiating the occurrence. That is just a terrible theme for a dream, being chased by someone and being held by TWO figures with bloody hands.

You have had serious problems in the past, and have somehow, maybe talked about them with your daughter and you have transferred these fears onto her.

You need more help then you have ever had before and this time you have to pay attention to what professionals tell you.

I dont think your daughter should be in the same house as you quite frankly, or else great harm will come to her from this transferrence. If you really loved her, you would distance yourself.

Just my opinion. I dont really care for the direction of your post.

ms. tickle

Im come from a christian family and praying has always helped and its something that will always be done in my family. Im a very good listener and observer and I always take in consideration what my doctors tell but its only so much they can do, it takes the doctors help plus the patients and that I know to be the truth. I find it quite common for the first thing to come out of people mouths is your schizophrenic and or Bi-polar, I mean it could be the case but what if that's not the problem? But I will continue getting my help and I respect your opinion.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry, but you are a danger to your child and have some seroius medical problems. You already show a denial and a attitude to terms that you call "man made". This is obvoius and actually a sign of the problem itself.

Even within the church, they first rule out any mental illness prior to any action for "spirits"

[shatteredsoul]

I think our job is not to be judgmental or critical. Obviously you has been experiencing a tortured mind since childhood. Mental illness isn't black and white and a lot of doctors don't know what they are doing and prescribe medication that is dangerous and often deadly. Many people seek help and still don't find a way to overcome their mental anguish. You are a mother and you love your daughter and you are asking for support and guidance, remember that is why we are here.. and no one likes to be attacked. I think you see a problem but you don't agree with the care you have received. You should continue to find a better therapist, doctor, priest, or someone that helps to get you out of these episodes.
You aren't a bad person and it sounds like you are trying to lead a productive life. Many people suffer like you and I think its great you are reaching out and trying to bring awareness and understanding to your situation. Don't ever give up on yourself or your daughter. Your stability is what she is counting on. I hope you continue on your search and continue to reach out to people.

[BabyGurlTesha]

Sorry, but you are a danger to your child and have some seroius medical problems. You already show a denial and a attitude to terms that you call "man made". This is obvoius and actually a sign of the problem itself.

Even within the church, they first rule out any mental illness prior to any action for "spirits"

Sorry but never have and never will be a danger to my child, even though I go threw the things I go threw I still have the ability to function just fine maybe even better then you, I mean if I had medical problems then why haven't none of the medical help helped me out? Maybe you haven't been paying attention sweetie but someone is in denial is someone who's saying they don't have a problem when they do, and as you can see I know that I have a problem and I have and will continue my help. My attitude as you call it is perfectly fine but I refuse to let a doctor or anyone else just tell me anything, I listen with open ears and answer with the best of my ability also take my meds as prescribed faithfully, but lets just be honest here since I am, everything your saying to me is something you read, heard about or had someone tell you, I mean who you think wrote the books, speeches and films you see? >Man<, Now I'm not judging you because who am I to do so, but if you hadn't read or heard someone say that someone like me has a serious medical problem you wouldn't have said it or even thought about it in this type of way. Its so sad that peoples mind are so one track these days, If people would exspande there minds a little more and try to understand and help someone when they see they need help instead of attacking them there would be less people who go threw the things I do, if you ask me Im not the real person who's the threat here. Thanks for your opinion though because it only made me stronger, have a blessed day.:)