[loserspouse]

Sorry if this is lengthy. I've been married for 22 years and have 2 children, one 19 the other 16. Pretty much my entire marriage has been stressful and unhappy. First of all, we have always had money problems. We've been in bankruptcy two times. I make
$60K a year and my husband makes $50k. I have so many problems, I don't know where to begin. Our bankruptcy is over in 6 months. Right now we are having $1800 per month taken out of my husbands paycheck so money is pretty tight. The problem is my husband doesn't go to work. He works for the post office and can pretty much get away with not going to work - he provides doctors certs, applies for family medical leave, etc. All he does is drink beer and sleep and not go to work. We are behind in many of our bills. The house is in both our names. I have told him to leave numerous times, but he won't. What can I do?

[shygrneyzs]

Your husband sounds depressed. The sitting around, drinking beer, no effort to make anything work. This may be a physical condition, a reaction to stress, some underlying medical condition that needs attention. Can you get him to see a doctor? Of course he may say he does not need to see anyone, he is not the one with the probleem ( in his mind anyways). Can you speak with your doctor because you need some help dealing with the stress too.
With the home in both your names, I really think you need an attorney for consultation. Neither one of you HAS to leave but that can be decided in a legal separation. The attorney will recommend counseling. Not every marriage can be saved, not every marriage should be saved but there is always that chance that with consideration and dedication to solving the problems, all things are possible.
It would sure be tempting though to quickly change the locks and throw all his belongings on the front lawn when he goes out to get more beer.

[kdbugs]

O I am so sorry. You should sit him down and have a serious conversation with him tell him if he doesn't go to work the you will kick him out. If he doesn't move out take your kids and live with someone you know until you save to buy a new house. Best of luck and I am so srry

[ordinaryguy]

1. Consult an attorney about initiating divorce or legal separation proceedings.

2. Find a counsellor, ask your husband to go with you, if he won't, go by yourself.

If you can't get along on 110K, you may need financial counselling as well. If this dysfunction has been going on for 20+ years it's time to make some changes, with or without your husband. He may well be clinically depressed, but that's no reason to let an intolerable situation drag on. If you start to take concrete steps toward change, it may snap him out of it. If not, don't feel guilty about changing anyway.