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MsPink · Nov 13, 2009, 09:20 AM

I am going through a tough time with my 29 yr old daughter. She dropped her two girls off with the clothes on their back 3 years ago. They are now 9 & 8. CPS doesn't consider them abandoned. She has been getting $600.00 a month food stamps for the girls and has never bought us groceries in 3 years. I finally applied for medicaid for the girls and now she is going to be under investigation for food stamp fraud. It hurts me very much, she talks to me like I'm a dog. Telling me I'm coldhearted b---h. She said she hopes I die. She is on some kind of drug, I'm not sure. I am now clinically depressed and seeking help. She has never helped with anything for them and they have seen her do some horrible stuff. I make too much money for free help but, barely enough to make ends meet. Their daddy molested them 5 years ago so, he is out of the picture and I'm 59 and all alone. Advice please?

Just Dahlia · Nov 13, 2009, 11:33 AM

Maybe you should post this in the legal thread, to see if there's any way you can get the children food stamps or at least declare them abandoned, unless by doing that, some one takes them away from you.:(

You should some how be able to get compensated something, especially if it's a hardship.

It's wonderful what you have done so far, I hope you get the help you so truly deserve.:)

Jake2008 · Nov 13, 2009, 01:46 PM

Dahlia's advise to seek legal counsel is a good one. There must be options, at least to address a possible temporary injunction of some sort to protect you and the girls, should she decide one day to just come and pick them up and take off.

You did the right thing in applying for medicaid for them. Consequence to your daughter for not providing the food for her children, which is what the stamps are intended for. Shame on her.

You have a very heavy burden on your shoulders right now, and I can't tell you how much I respect you for taking on the challenge of raising these two girls. It is good that you are taking care of yourself too, and I hope that if you are on medication for clinical depression, that it helps you.

With the safety and security of these grandchildren of yours at stake, I hope that, at least for now, you are able to deflect all the negativity coming your way from your ungrateful daughter. It is unfortunate that, you were as good a mother to her as you are to her children; there are no guarantees that what we produce will turn out anywhere near what we expect.

When drugs get in the mix as you suspect with your daughter, she will be unpredictable, and show anger and resentment toward you. The blame and rage has to go somewhere, and unfortunately us parents get the brunt of it. Have you considered counselling for yourself?

I hope that this all works out for you, without too much drama from your daughter. In the meantime all you can do is the best you can do, and protect yourself, and your daughters legally if that turns out to be a viable option.

2ndTime · Nov 13, 2009, 11:36 PM

Have you tried talking to Social Services Agencies for advise? They can give you some great advise and help you throughout the process.

Mistique · Nov 17, 2009, 03:03 PM

You had EVERY right to apply for medicaid and have your daughter be investigated for fraud... not to include if the government gives the children any Child Tax Benefit (up to 5 years of age)... all the money would be reverted to you and she would have to pay it back (If you have that system that is).

I agree with Just Dahlia about finding out what your legal recourse and action suite against your daughter would be. Seek some legal advice... let your daughter continue to be the way she is... she won't change... she abandoned her children to live with her 59 year old mom to go on with her self destructive life while living off her children food stamps. My goodness, I am grateful that your grandchildren have a grandmother like you! My heart goes out to you.

Jake2008 has a good point about counseling... you are in a toxic and abusive relationship with your daughter and you need help to deal with this. Counseling is a great tool for you psychologically and it will also help you deal with your daughter and avenues through Child Services can help (free or affordable services) as 2ndTime mentioned. By the way I am really sorry about your grandchildren being sexually molested when they where 5... have they support to turn to? What are the responses of the children with regards to their mother?

If she doesn't care about the kids or come around try to have less contact with her. Is she using drugs? I am bewildered and truly sorry you have to go through this at your age and dealing with this type of an issue at all.