[roopali143]

Hi I am Sonia,

I am working in one of the private company from last 4 years and I am in love with a boy, we are in love last 3 years, although we are both hindus but we belong to different caste, my boyfriend family has agreed for our marriage but my parents are not at all ready to accept us. We tried to convince them a lot, but now we have got registered marriage last 6 months back.

Our problem is that my boyfriend family wants to celebrate their sons marriage, but my mother and family members have told me that you have registered marriage to him then you can go and stay away with him, and break all the realtionships with us, my mother said to me that she will never come to your door step.

But I am having the confident that sooner or later I will make my mom agree.

I have two elder sisters and they have got married to good family, even my boyfriend has good family, but only is the cast problem. I have one younger sister and one elder brother, my younger sister has supported me a lot and after my borther knowing that I got registered marriage and nothing can be done now he also understood me.

My mother says that they will loos their name and respect in the society and no one will accept me in their community. My only problem is that the mother is not at all agreeing and my boyfriends family want to celebrate it and that my mother should accept it and do our marriage for which we can't even take any decision further. Only thing is I want to make my mother convinced.

Kindly suggest me some solution.

[SVImager]

Wow... I thought only the Older Indian people are against InterCast Marriages.

An American Advise: Move on with your life and when your mom is ready... she will connect with you. You can't change a lifetime of Cast conditioning. Maybe someday she will accept it when India eventually get over the Cast system.

Good Luck.

[Jake2008]

I have to say that I really admire you for marrying the man of your dreams, and delighted that his family are so supportive. That must have been a very difficult decision for you to make, especially considering that in doing so, you risk your family abandoning you.

I agree with you, that when your mother is ready, she will come around. She will not be able to resist the fact that you are happy, and he has a supportive family. When children come along, she will also not be able to resist participating in that event.

Stay strong. She knows you love her.

Good for you, I wish you all the best!

[Gemini54]

At some point people in all societies have to do things that will break down old restrictive institutions (like the caste system) and fight again commonly held prejudices.

This is what you're doing, and it's really hard because your family is against you.

Marry the man that you love - you have the support of his family and your siblings. Your mother will come round eventually. The times are changing and many cultures are having to accept that the old mores don't apply.

Sometimes the thought of the shame is much greater than the reality. In the end, it's the love and connection that we have for each other that is most important.

Good luck, I wish you well.

[roopali143]

Threads merged

Hi, I have read some of the answers sent to me.

Today my boyfriends family members are planning to come from Bombay and get us married in a traditional way by Sunday. I am afriad because my mother has gone to Bangalore to stay with my sister and my father is alone at home and at present I am looking after him, if I take suddenly this decision to go out from home and live with him, will it be right towards my family, my father.

This thought came in my mind because my mother is not at all ready to support me and marry me in good manner.

My monther also asked me that if you get married to him, you will have children's later on then whose culture are you going to follow up.

Kindly suggest me some solution.

[Cat1864]

This should be merged with your previous thread. For future reference, to reply in an existing thread use the "answer this question" button.

[Cat1864]

Hi, i have read some of the answers sent to me.

Today my boyfriends family members are planning to come from Bombay and get us married in a traditional way by sunday. I am afriad because my mother has gone to Bangalore to stay with my sister and my father is alone at home and at present i am looking after him, if i take suddenly this decision to go out from home and live with him, will it be right towards my family, my father.

This thought came in my mind because my mother is not at all ready to support me and marry me in good manner.

my monther also asked me that if you get married to him, you will have childrens later on then whose culture are you going to follow up.

Kindly suggest me some solution.

You have mentioned how other people in your family feel about the marriage especially your mother, but how does your father feel about it? Is he willing to give you his support?

[SVImager]

In today's society, Does the Cast system affect the type of jobs he can get?

What country do you live in now or Will live in?


Many of the India people I know in Texas, say it really doesn't matter in America.
But back in India with the older folks, there are some of the same old thinkings.

Hey, your country is moving into the future everyday.
Time and progress is on your side.

[roopali143]

Hi,

I have received some answers to my questions, I need one more suggestion from you, my sister yesterday informed me that my mother is planning to cancel my registered marriage and not ready to acept us in any condition, so I have planned to go from my home by next week, because my boyfreinds sister is coming to get us married because there is no other solution left, will it be fine going from home within mothers presences.

Kindly suggest some solution please. I am totally confused.

[Jake2008]

Roopali, I am also getting confused.

You are already married, right? You are moving from your mothers home, to your husbands home.

Why is that a problem, and how can your mother 'cancel' the marriage?

[2ndTime]

If you are already registered marriage for 6 months, is it even possible for your mom to cancel the marriage? I don't know the India or hindus law. You should just check with where you've registered, but don't tell them about your caste situation. Just tell them that you've heard it from the people in the street. In this way, your caste problem will not be found out. I've already seen on National Geographic Society documentary about India that's why I am a little more informed. Good luck.

[roopali143]

Ya I have already registered my marriage, but my only problem is that my father is alone at home and my mother is away in Bangalore, is it fine to live my dad and go away from home within my mothers presences.


Suggest some solution, please.

[2ndTime]

I am now confused. I am not too familiar with marriage in India. Your mother already told you to go live with your husband. Wheather your mom be present at the same time as your father isn't an issue anymore. Tell your father that you love him and hope that mom would understand. Hope this helped.

[roopali143]

I am trying to say that, as far my dad is concerned he is damm against my marriage with him. He is afraid only about the respect he will loss in our community.

My mom is trying not to accept us but my younger sister is saying not to take any step without mom presence, it will again hurt mom badly, so I am totally confused whether to wait or not.

My boyfreinds family members are coming especially to get us married in traditional way, but they even say that you can't go to your mothers place after marriage because she has not understood you and us. I can't even stop them.

What decision to take please suggest me.

[2ndTime]

You must choose between love and family. So far you've been following your heart, are you ready to give up your love because your family is against your marriage? You did suggest that your mom might come around later. May I suggest that if you get married don't contact them for a very long time and move far away, if you can. I've seen where murder even occurred because the parent didn't agree with marriage. If you can't handle even the thought of this then the only solution is to give up on your love.

[roopali143]

I can't live my love and I want my mother also to understand me and be with me. But sheis not at all, only she has the fear of respect that she will loss.

I want to take final decision and go away from my home, but I even want my mom.

I have got legally married to him and can't even think to depart from him.

Only thing is hurting me is should I take decision without mom's presences or should I wait till she comes. But it will take much time and I am not able to take any harss words or hatered from anyone. What will I do shall I go away from home.

Suggestion some solutions please I am totally lost.

[Catsmine]

You will have to live with the hurt of your mother's displeasure until she realizes that she still loves you.

Marry while she's gone. Move out. Love your husband and build a new family with him and his. This will hurt her. She will say things to hurt you. Let her. Her anger will fade over time and you will become her daughter again.

It is sad that this hurt must come, but it must come. Let it flow by and things will improve. It may take time.

[roopali143]

I liked the answer given by pest control.

I am again little bit confused, this week my boyfriends sister is coming and we are proposing to get married in temple by Friday. My mother will be coming by next Monday and my father is alone, shall I take my final step.

Kindly suggest,

[firmbeliever]

Hi roopali,

I would like to clarify one thing,
What about the dowry? Is your father paying it?

.

[roopali143]

My answer to FRIMBIELVER question, My father isnot giving dowry to my boyfriends family