[Silver Lining]

If anyone can give Roopali a final Solution, You are noting less than God...

[talaniman]

Her solution is simple, she needs to stand up for herself, believe in herself, and tell everyone to back off. That includes her husband, and if he doesn't like it, divorce him, and do her own thing that makes her happy, not everyone else.

She is trying to please everyone but herself. Thats what has to stop. It will, if she stands up for herself, as she needs none of them to be happy.

[Alty]

My husband during our fight last week also told me to remove whatever jwellery he had put and go to my mother place and not to come back, does anyone says this even in anger, I don't think so. My husband even told me I can go to my mothers place now so that if after 6 months if I get pergnant then if my family members done accept me it will be a problem for me. My husband also said that might be I am interested in getting married to my mother choice, does any one say that in anger, if he truly loves me he wouldn't say all this to me in front of his mother.

You are threatening to leave, to divorce, of course he's upset. Do you really expect him to just sit by while you whine and moan about the choices you made? I'd be angry too, and I'd say a heck of a lot worse to you then he did.

I only need answer that whether I should keep quite if my in laws say me to break the relation form my parents and be at home not to meet my parents and go to my relatives.But I can't do that its very difficult and impossible for me. Please suggest me something so that I can meet my parents frequently and freely without hiding from my in laws please.

Do you really expect us to make this decision for you? This is a decision that will (at least in your mind) change the rest of your life. We can't make this choice for you, that's up to you and only you.

Your parents aren't going to accept this marriage, you've made that very clear. Personally, I think your in-laws want you to break contact because they see that your parents are putting bad thoughts into your head. Thoughts of divorce, of leaving, of breaking the commitment you made. What kind of parents do that? Oh you, yours do. Doesn't sound like they care about your happiness at all, only their happiness and their standing in the community. That's not love and I think your in-laws see that.

You sound very young and very naïve. You got married on a whim, now you're regretting it. You should have thought about all of this before you said "I do".

You sound rather foolish and silly. I don't understand your culture but I do understand that all of this could have been avoided if you'd only thought things through a bit more. Now only your husband will suffer.

It's hard to feel sorry for you, and I don't. You made your bed, now lay in it.

[Silver Lining]

Her solution is simple, she needs to stand up for herself, believe in herself, and tell everyone to back off. That includes her husband, and if he doesn't like it, divorce him, and do her own thing that makes her happy, not everyone else.

She is trying to please everyone but herself. Thats what has to stop. It will, if she stands up for herself, as she needs none of them to be happy.

She is trying to please everyone but herself? Didn't she get married to the guy she loved (or she thought she did) for 3 years? She registered her marriage 6+ months back before the ceremony and now she seeks help. She married the guy to make herself happy and not to make him happy or his parents. Its now, after the ceremony that she regrets.

You are threatening to leave, to divorce, of course he's upset. Do you really expect him to just sit by while you whine and moan about the choices you made? I'd be angry too, and I'd say a heck of a lot worse to you then he did.

Do you really expect us to make this decision for you? This is a decision that will (at least in your mind) change the rest of your life. We can't make this choice for you, that's up to you and only you.

Your parents aren't going to accept this marriage, you've made that very clear. Personally, I think your in-laws want you to break contact because they see that your parents are putting bad thoughts into your head. Thoughts of divorce, of leaving, of breaking the commitment you made. What kind of parents do that? Oh ya, yours do. Doesn't sound like they care about your happiness at all, only their happiness and their standing in the community. That's not love and I think your in-laws see that.

You sound very young and very naive. You got married on a whim, now you're regretting it. You should have thought about all of this before you said "I do".

You sound rather foolish and silly. I don't understand your culture but I do understand that all of this could have been avoided if you'd only thought things through a bit more. Now only your husband will suffer.

It's hard to feel sorry for you, and I don't. You made your bed, now lay in it.

You made your point and i agree completely. but its not just her husband who will suffer. She will too,,

Divorce in India is not well accepted as it is in the west. Its easy for men but women suffer a lot. We women are still looked down upon. Once divorced, the society will blame the woman (in roopali's case,I feel she deserves it) and these women find it hard to be married again.

Based on what Roopali has mentioned, she comes from a middle class/lower middle class family. Those from this particular class find it even more harder to be accepted if divorced. Some even get the tag of a prostitute. One never understands this until the end. Its only after the divorce that people start talking.

As far as roopali's problem is concerned, there is nothing I'm going to say. Don't get into water if you don't know how to swim...

[talaniman]

That seems to be not enough, as after making such a move as marriage she cannot then stop doing as she wants, and concede to everyone else's whims, and wishes. She must still stand up for herself, and do what she thinks is right for herself.

You cannot be independent enough to go against HER PARENTS, only to give in to the in laws. Does that make sense?

I may be wrong, given I am American, but to go from one being dominated in one situation, to another cannot be good.

She stood up to her parents, now she must stand up to her in laws, and even her husband to get the kind of life she wants to make for herself.

No one can define her happiness but her. This is the root cause of her problem, everyone is telling her what to do and its not making her happy.

Solution, do what makes her happy. Sure, some feathers will be ruffled, feelings will be hurt, and people will be mad. That's life, and she needs to live it her own way to be happy, and stand for herself, or fall for whatever everyone else wants.

[Silver Lining]

Does anything Roopali said make sense..
She wanted to be married, she got married.
Now she wants divorce, hardly 8 days after marriage (mentioned in previous threads). She says the reason is that she is not happy with her in-laws.
Then another reason comes out - her parents want her to be divorced and in laws are good, treating her well.
Yet another reason - in-laws asking her to break any relation with parents.

She says her husband loves her a lot. But complains about him too.

Sonia (Roopali), you are missing. If you read this, kindly explain.

WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE..

[2ndTime]

roopali143, why did you get married in the first place? In the beginning you sounded like you love him so much that you can't live without him. And now that you found out that the guy you loved don't want you to work, you want to get away from the man you love? You should have had a long discussion before the marriage. My suggestion for you at this time is for you to grow up. If you don't want this marriage because you want to work than you have made your choice. Only you can free yourself from this situation.

[Alty]

It sounds like the Roopali143 jumps from one thing to the other without any thought to the future.

First she wants to get married, even though her parents expressed that they didn't want her to. Now she is married and doesn't want to stay because all of a sudden her parents are making sense.

This isn't a game, this is marriage. When you marry you take the good times with the bad. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you made your bed, now lay in it.

[roopali143]

It sounds like the Roopali143 jumps from one thing to the other without any thought to the future.

First she wants to get married, even though her parents expressed that they didn't want her to. Now she is married and doesn't want to stay because all of a sudden her parents are making sense.

This isn't a game, this is marriage. When you marry you take the good times with the bad. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you made your bed, now lay in it.

I had gone to my mothers home for three days without informing my husband and his family. I thought my husband will come and take me but he did not come he came after two days when after my relatives (not my parents) forcing me to give complaint against my husband that he is not keeping me good at home they forced me to give false statement. His mother was not ready to take me home because I did not inform her and go but even I have come back, my mother in law is not talking to me at all now. I have come only for my husband. Will my relationship will continue. Will I be able to live happily in my husbands family ahead. Please suggest.

[talaniman]

I suggest you, and your husband get some ground rules, as to how you live with this marriage. Nobody else's opinion even counts.

[Alty]

I had gone to my mothers home for three days without informing my husband and his family. i thought my husband will come and take me but he did not come he came after two days when after my relatives (not my parents) forcing me to give complaint against my husband that he is not keeping me good at home they forced me to give false statement. his mother was not ready to take me home because i did not inform her and go but even i have come back, my mother in law is not talking to me at all now. i have come only for my husband. will my relationship will continue. will i be able to live happily in my husbands family ahead. please suggest.

No, you won't live happily with your husband, because you aren't willing to work on the relationship, you just expect everyone to do what you want them to do, without any regard to what they want.

You gave a false statement saying that you husband "is not keeping you in a good home". What does that mean exactly? Did you say that he hurts you? I don't understand what the quality of the home has to do with anything.

As for your mother-in-law no longer talking to you, well DUH! You gave a false statement against her son, what did you think she'd do, welcome you with open arms?

Also, you went to your parents house and now you're upset that your husband didn't immediately come get you? You left. Personally, if I was him, I would have left you there, you're more trouble then you're worth.

Get the divorce, set the poor guy and his family free from your selfishness and insanity.

[Silver Lining]

Get the divorce, set the poor guy and his family free from your selfishness and insanity.

So far, I was thinking about Roopali, her life will be a living hell if she gets a divorce. But after reading her last 2-3 replies, I pity her hubby and his family.

Altenweg, you got it right. Least, he can live a happy live if she is gone.

[roopali143]

So far, i was thinking about Roopali, her life will be a living hell if she gets a divorce. But after reading her last 2-3 replies, i pity her hubby and his family.

Altenweg, you got it right. least, he can live a happy live if she is gone.

I am sorry for all the mistakes I have done so far, I am know in my husbands house and my in laws are not talking to me but I convinced them and asked to forgive me know they are sometimes talking to me, but my problem is that my husband has stopped talking to my in laws at all because my husband thinks that he has not done any mistake and that my husband also asked to forgive him but even then my in laws are not talking to them at all. I begged my husband to talk ti my in laws but my husbad says that why should he go and talk to my in laws, why they can't come and talk to me even if I asked sorry to them and even if it was not his fault. Know my husband says that his parents should come and talk to them first and then he will start talking to them and my in laws say that my husband should talk first. Know in between all this I am suffering, although I had made the mistake my husband is suffering a lot from his mind and heart that his parents are not talking to him. I have made everything proper but the thing is that if my husband starts talking to his parents then everything will be normal as it was before. I told my husband to talk to his parents several times but he is not ready what to do.

Also I am going to job bcause my husband needs some financial support from me at the beginning because during our marriage no one helped us. But my sisters and all are saying me to leave the job and take rest for some days. My husband says till we have a child I can go to work. My sisters also say that it's the duty of my husband to look after me after my marriage and I should not go to work and earn it's a shame to me husband my sisters tell me. What should I do Is it good to leave the job at this moment. Please suggest I need your help.

[Alty]

You are a greedy little girl, aren't you?

You're the cause of all of these problems. All of them!

Now he ask you to work, to help out, because he won't get financial help from his family, because of you. But, because it might look bad you want to stay home and do what? Pick you nose?

Go to work, earn some money, help out the man you married and so far, whose life you've destroyed.

You don't need our help, you need psychological help. You don't deserve what you've got.

[talaniman]

I am wondering why everyone is telling you what to do, and your supposed to be the Queen of the house.

All that talking with your husband, and you never talked of finances and the way you run your house, before you married him?

This is unbelievable.

[Silver Lining]

You are guilty of separating a son from his parents. I'd never forgive myself if I was the cause for my husband's problems, specially if he and his parents end up not talking to each other.
A husband taking care of wife after marriage was in the 18th century. Now its 2way. If you are thinking of NOT supporting him, better wash his legs soon as he gets home and be his slave,, that's how women were back then when Husbands looked after them.

[Jake2008]

I have re-read all the posts, and the only thing that makes sense to me is old world clashes with new world.

It is impossible for non-Indians to truly understand the 'rules' and obligations and demands.

While Roopali is educated and quite capable of making her own way in this world without the 'help' of either set of parents, she is stuck trying to please both.

It seems easy enough- just walk away, start over. But, that will still cause a great divide in both families. The aftermath is almost as bad as the upset over the marriage. Divorce will affect everybody in both families.

This isn't being between a rock and a hard place, it's about being between a boulder and an avalanche.

The only thing I can think of that I don't think has been considered, is to meet with a spiritual advisor to help everybody understand what their options are, and how to possibly mend fences. It will not please everybody, but maybe a compromise of some sort can be reached.

If a religious authority can help sort this mess out, it would be far better for all.

[roopali143]

I have re-read all the posts, and the only thing that makes sense to me is old world clashes with new world.

It is impossible for non-Indians to truly understand the 'rules' and obligations and demands.

While Roopali is educated and quite capable of making her own way in this world without the 'help' of either set of parents, she is stuck trying to please both.

It seems easy enough- just walk away, start over. But, that will still cause a great divide in both families. The aftermath is almost as bad as the upset over the marriage. Divorce will affect everybody in both families.

This isn't being between a rock and a hard place, it's about being between a boulder and an avalanche.

The only thing I can think of that I don't think has been considered, is to meet with a spiritual advisor to help everybody understand what their options are, and how to possibly mend fences. It will not please everybody, but maybe a compromise of some sort can be reached.

If a religious authority can help sort this mess out, it would be far better for all.

Does age difference matters in any love marriage relationships. Because my husband is 6 years elder to me. Is there any problem with that. Please suggest

[Jake2008]

That depends. How old are you.

[roopali143]

That depends. How old are you.

I am 24 years old and my husband is 30 years. Does that make any problem in our married life. Does age difference have any problem with me ahead. Please advise.