[TeamCanada]

Hello, I'm writing because I need some advice on what to do. Recently I have been feeling lonely and I don't know why, I have a few friends but I still feel lonely. Im the type of person that likes to be around people but I'm not really that social. I don't know if that even makes sense.

I try to get out as much as I can and be around people but I think I'm kind of shy. I think if people would get to know me they would find me really fun. I do lots of interesting things, like I play all sort of instruments, I love sports and just chilling out. I just don't talk to people until they talk to me first.

Anyway I'm not sure if it is just more friends I want or just to be in a relationship. I have never really dated much and I get really shy when approaching girls. People tell me confidence is the key and I don't think I have much of it when it comes to girls. I don't know how to say, never really flirted that much. I don't have many friends that are girls only a few that I met through other friends.

I guess I just want to get to know a few girls better and maybe getting a few dates or so but I don't know how to approach it or if I should. Im in university so I'm pretty busy so maybe a relationship wouldn't be the best thing right now? Anyway I was just wondering what could be some reasons I'm feeling lonely and if there is any advice on what to do?

[itried]

You may be feeling lonely because you think that everyone else isn't lonely. You mentioned that you're not sure if you want to date or not and also that you do have a few friends. So in fact, you really aren't alone but instead you just feel lonely. These are two different feelings altogether.

If you do want to date and don't know how to approach it then no advice can really help you because everyone, including me, would just tell you to go out there and mix it up and other cliché answers. If I were you, I would join one of the various clubs or whatever interests you that your University offers and try to meet people that way. This way, no pressure to break the ice, you have something in common with the people there and you're around people.

Good luck.

[Mistique]

Well maybe you have a hard time relating to your friends in some intellectual aspects. Maybe your more mature for your age? Maybe your culture is different? (I am European... and my family was definitely different :)) You sound young and maybe you are lonely because you "feel" like you need people around but when they are around "you still feel alone". Self discovery is sometimes a very lonely journey... it is opposite of the last piece of advice of "getting out there" but maybe you do need time alone. You seem like you really do put an effort into meeting people and getting out there because you are so involved in extracurricular programs... so busy you are in getting "out there" and "not trying to be shy".

Some solitude on a nice, brisk walk or BMXing in the nature is very therapeutic (you with your thoughts - reevaluation)... you might be even at peace with your own thoughts. Finding comfort in your own skin... I found that it worked for me... once I became comfortable and knew who I was... I wasn't so introverted... it was like a new confidence and EVERYONE noticed... I became the top of the list for invites to parties and stuff (I know that sounds really shallow). It does make a difference in your relationships because knowing oneself and building a basic understanding of ourselves gives us the ability to have empathy, relate and offer more to relationships around us... if that makes any sense.

I stopped fidgeting when someone I was interested in was around... I sort of felt not good enough even when I got the attention. After spending some serious solitude (still doing the same things... just taking that nature walk - and Thank God I lived in the country to be able to enjoy the sun rise and set, animals, long grass whistling music against the wind, the beautiful scenery... the mountains and trees) to my thoughts, I regained a new sense of self and it has stayed with me today... 15 years later.

[paxe]

Not hard, work on being less shy and try to find new activity.

[2ndTime]

I get lonely because I don't have friends. O.K. I have a friend that I email every once in a while. If you have friends, but still get lonely, you maybe suffering from seasonal depression or maybe you want a love in your life. If love is what you are looking for, but you mentioned you are too shy to get to know girls better. Don't worry soon or a later right girl will help you to get over your shyness. My boyfriend used to have crush on me, but he couldn't muster enough courage to ask me out on a date. However, he came into my aunt's coffee shop almost everyday to order tea (hoping that he'd get enough courage to ask me out) and one day when someone bailed out on me to start exercising, I asked him to go for a walk in the park. Just like that, he got over shyness and we developed love for each other. Hope this helped.

[TeamCanada]

Hello, I have been having some friends problems. Im not really a person that has many friends but I do have a couple but these friends don't share the same interests as me and its hard hanging out with me. Basically my interests are just the typical guy things, video games, sports, girls, beer, poker... etc.

Please don't tell me than join a club or something or find someone that share the same interests because I know that but its harder to do than it sounds. My friends basically don't like doing the same things I like. Im just another typical guy. There is one friend, that if he doesn't have a girlfriend, I would think that he is gay.

He takes food off my plates, gets really touchy even though I told him I don't feel comfortable, and just screams my name out randomly for no reason. Sometimes I feel very embarrassed being around him. I have told him I don't feel comfortabe with him doing these things but I don't see any change or anything. I was wondering is it shallow of me for thinking the way I am? Is it because I'm not as carefree or is this really an issue?

And my otherfriend just enjoys doing his own thing. I would consider him my best friend and him me too but its just there's nothing in common to do. I don't so I'm not sure where to go from here. Any advice?

[mudweiser]

Hi. How old are you?

Do you go to school? Start talking to people!

Do you work? Start talking to your coworkers!

If you are able to go to a bar I say go to one. Go to talk to a few girls [if your single] and start talking to a random guy about how girls are [i.e. man there are so many girls here tonight!]... go to a sports bar and start talking to the guy next to you about the game [i.e. so who you rootin' for?. something like that]

Go to the gym, ask a guy to spot you and start talking to him. Start boxing and make some friends and sparr with them!

If you want friends, look for 'em and make 'em!

Sarah

[itried]

You should watch the movie called "I Love You, Man". The guy goes on a bunch of "man dates" to meet some men, but he's not gay.

Really, that's the only advice I can give because you don't want to hear the advice that would actually help you to make friends. You can't make friends that have common interests by not sharing these interests with them.

Good luck.

[s2tp]

I get the feeling you are asking two different questions here... One is your friend a closet gay, and is it right to be bothered by it... and the 2nd of what to do to make new friends or find more things in common with your current friends?

Answer to the first one- you say he has a girlfriend and his actions just might be how he is and how he expresses himself. If you have already talked to him that these things bother you and he hasn't changed... then well I have to say he's just stuck in his ways..

As for making friends... you start your post saying you don't want to be told to join a club or meet others who have the same interests... so I am confused as to what kind of advice you expect to get here? You seem to want more friends and are not very compatible with the friends you have... so how do you suppose to make new friends?

You say you are into video games, sports and poker... those can all be social events.. maybe start looking online?

Even though you say you don't want groups to join... maybe you would be interested in Meetup.com Its basically a network of hundreds of different groups all over the US that are created like people like you who want to get out and meet new people. I found it after moving to a new area and tired of sitting around not knowing how to meet new people. I ended up joining a hiking group and a volunteer group and met a couple of cool people along the way..

Well good luck to you and finding the advice/answers you are looking for.

[TeamCanada]

Hi guys, I'm 21.

Its not that I don't want to join clubs or anything but I have joined a few clubs and making friends are harder than it seems to be.

I go to college, but I feel very awkward striking conversation with people especially if there is nothing to talk about.