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scottyboy123 · Nov 11, 2009, 04:17 PM

Hey I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years I completely love her,she says she loves me and I'm seriously considering proposing to her in the near future. She just got back from her holidays and she's been texting this guy that she met over there. They text each other all day, The other day she left her phone and he text her asking if she'd like to talk and asking her out for a date. I had a look at her sent messages and he'd asked her before and she replied with something along the lines of "Im not single and im not that unhappy, i didnt want to say anything to you cause i thought you wouldnt speak to me again" The part that really bothered me was the I'm not that unhappy part. Im not sire what to make of it? Any advice?

Thanks
Paul

redhed35 · Nov 11, 2009, 04:20 PM

Have you considered just talking to her about this?

She's the best person to have an explanation... if your thinking about asking her to marry you,you should be able to talk to her.

Silver Lining · Nov 12, 2009, 01:27 AM

Readhead is absolutely rite,, talk to her about it.

2ndTime · Nov 12, 2009, 01:37 AM

Communicate with your girlfriend that you don't want to invade her privacy, but happened to notice what was in her texting. You are not angry, but you can use some explanation because you are seriously considering spending rest of your life together with her and you believe that love is based on honesty and nothing should be hid from each other. If she overreacts, this may not be a good sign. If she comes out and flat out tells you that it's nothing, then let her know that she needs to end the texting relationship not because you don't trust her, but you don't trust the guy who texts her. Tell her you love her and communicate to her what if she were in your shoes. Would she be reacting the same way as you are? There is a saying that says there's no tree standing tall if you hit it 100 times. If the guy tempts your girlfriend persistently, soon or a later she'll take the bate even though she loves you. I don't want to be harsh, but you need to nip it in the bud.

pfanatic · Nov 12, 2009, 06:42 AM

I was in the same situation as your girlfriend more than once. If your girlfriend is pretty she'll attract other men but if you trust and love her, don't worry about that. If she respects and loves you, she'll soon find a way to resolve this situation.

Let me tell you how it made me feel. I had a boyfriend but I met a guy friend whom I think about even today because he was a great person and a friend. I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend because that friend fell in love with me, but I didn't want to hurt my friend neighter. But the limit was crossed.

At the end, all three of us ended up with hurt feelings. Boyfriend, of course, like you, I understand; friend for being rejected and losing me completely (I've decided to do that out of respect towards my partner, and to spare him more hurt as I wasn't in love with my friend); and me (I've lost a friend, and I hurt both of them unattentionaly). I didn't know what else to do.

Give her time and trust her. Talk with her with patience. Don't argue. This is very hard for her too. If she cheats, you'll better of without her sooner than later. Look into your relationship and I'm sure you'll find what parts are making her unhappy as she's seeking attention from the other NEW guy, even as a friend, it's a sign she needs to confide in another male. So listen to her well, and I wish you all the luck! (as I stayed with my bf).

slapshot_oi · Nov 12, 2009, 12:01 PM

I would be more put off by the "but I didn't want to tell you 'cause I thought you wouldn't speak to me again". She obviously wants him around for some reason.

Secondly, if you did something just like this and your girlfriend found out, do you think she's be cool with it? Probably not.

Any responsible adult should know that if you're in a relationship, texting/calling someone other than the person you're dating all day long just ain't right. When you do it anyway, it means you don't care.

You can force yourself to trust her or trust your gut.

itried · Dec 1, 2009, 08:37 PM

What you need to understand is that your girl is just using you to fill the gap between her life and "happiness". As it probably stands, your current relationship is just a setback, a speedbump on the way to this magical place she has more than likely created in her head.

She met this dude while out of town or overseas or whatever and he's probably the closest thing to Prince Charming she has come across, but the problem is that he isn't physically there. If he was, you can bet she would start throwing you some bullcrap lines about how the two of you need space and blah blah blah.

She has totally revealed her character and it's up to you to tell her you're wise to it. You're totally being played at the moment and even if she doesn't end up with this guy, you can be 1000% positive that her eyes are now a little more open to options that are a little bit nearer.

This is actually the best thing that has ever happened to you. Why? Because you just got to find out if the woman you're with really loves you! And guess what: SHE DOESN'T!!