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itsamor · Nov 10, 2009, 07:55 AM

I agree relationships are POINTLESS. Nice post :-)

tara1 · Nov 10, 2009, 08:09 AM

Itsmanor: Relationships may not be easy but they are not pointless! In fact, to be in a good relationship has numerous advantages, beyond happiness.

zeeniee · Nov 10, 2009, 08:11 AM

Relationships are only pointless if your with a pointless person lol...

Relationships= heaven if you find someone on the same page as you and wants pretty much the same thing in life as you do... one where two people are independent, yet share many things together, and this includes the good and the bad times.

adam_89 · Nov 10, 2009, 08:15 AM

Well I must say that after reading this I have a little doubt. I have faith in it but everything thing you said makes you really wonder what the point is. Everything ends up the same but sometimes they last longer than others.

Maximilian4073 · Nov 10, 2009, 09:24 AM

I'm going to call your bluff on this one. If you truly believed what you said here, you wouldn't care. The only reason you're able to make these statements is because deep down part of you doesn't believe, or doesn't want to believe, that what you are saying is true. We can't be disappointed about something unless we have expectations for it. In the same vein as Gemini pointing out that relationships are mirrors, what you write here is a chance for you to learn something about yourself. What response are you looking for? What would you hear that would make you feel satisfied at this point? Answer it yourself, and you'll start to learn how you truly feel about it at this point in your life. And answering it yourself won't be easy, as it requires some real cutting through the mind games we play. And I say at this point in your life, because your belief is going to change. Many times.

kctiger · Nov 10, 2009, 09:38 AM

I think analyzing anything in life can lead us to believe certain things are pointless. I also think a "point" to anything is relative to the specific goals of one person as compared to another. For a relationship, any relationship, it takes work and a natural creation to endure differences and the imperfections we all so frequently point out.

I have always felt there should never be a point to a relationship. There should be goals, aspirations, expectations, but not a flat out point. Things evolve and happen in a way where either two people are compatible, or they aren't. You either take the risk in letting yourself go completely into the arms of another, or run away fearing a pointless and inevitable end to something that could change your life forever.

I guess, in the end, if you asked me what the point of a relationship is, I would say, in my hypocritical fashion, there isn't a point except that it helps you learn about yourself and who you are. We all have an idea of ourselves, and we all offer something valuable to anyone willing to accept it. Arguably, the most valuable commodity we have in life is time, and the most valuable thing we can do with our time is share our love, our trust and our compassion with other people.

Synnen · Nov 10, 2009, 10:12 AM

I've been with my husband for 13 years, and married for 8 of them.

Prior to him, I went through the dating cycle that YOU have posted about, Mudweiser.

It's not RELATIONSHIPS that are the problem. It's the way you look at them. And--it's the expectations you have of your partner. If you are expecting someone to change, to have specific traits--or even if you just get to the point of the annoying stuff bothering you more than the endearing stuff can make up for--that's a matter of attitude.

I started dating my husband with NO expectations other than that--just dates. We'd go for coffee, alone or with friends. Or shopping, or to a movie, or whatever. It was 6 months before our first kiss. He still melts me with a look, and even though it drives me crazy that he NEVER puts the peanut butter away, I adore the way he rubs my back at night so that I can relax into sleep.

I think I've been interrupted 12 times while trying to write this, so my apologies if it's not as coherent as I want it to be. I guess my main point, though, is that if you keep going through the SAME cycle in relationships--well, the only common thing in all of those relationships is YOU. So... you might look at changing yourself a little bit, which could make the NEXT relationship work.

mudweiser · Nov 10, 2009, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by rockie100

So like the next guy that tells you that your beautiful, asks to get to know you, gives you that special look, brushes that piece of hair from your face, opens a door for you, takes your hand while walking, (Oh, Im out of breath) comes along... You say "sorry, I just dont see the point."
I think its human nature to want a companion in life. Its the gamble most people think is worth the risk.

I don't know what this is going to sound like but I'll just say it how I want to.

Truthfully, I'm not an ugly girl. Everyday some guy says something, I have some guy friends that would love to give it a shot with me, and these guys I know would "treat me right".

The point is, I just don't care for a relationship, no matter what anyone says or what they say to me.

I like being alone!

Sarah

kctiger · Nov 10, 2009, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

I don't know what this is going to sound like but I'll just say it how I want to.

Truthfully, I'm not an ugly girl. Everyday some guy says something, I have some guy friends that would love to give it a shot with me, and these guys I know would "treat me right".

The point is, I just don't care for a relationship, no matter what anyone says or what they say to me.

I like being alone!

Sarah

Maybe you just haven't found the right guy... :cool:

mudweiser · Nov 10, 2009, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

I don't think that relationships aren't pointless because they give us our greatest lessons about ourselves - if we're prepared to see them. It's just that sometimes it takes a while to learn the lesson, whatever it may be!

Oh I agree. I learned that I can be pretty mean with my words once upset. Relationships do help us learn about ourselves and others.

Relationships are mirrors - that person that takes your breath away, who cheats on you or whom you later despise is an aspect of yourself. Let's face it, none of us are perfect, and we see out imperfect selves reflected back to us in the people we choose to partner with.

How does that work? How is the person you chose to love at the time a mirror of yourself. I look back at my relationship and they are nothing like me. I have to disagree with this.

Some of us partner easily and for life, others of us have various partners and find the whole thing precarious and difficult. We stumble around looking for that perfect mate when he or she doesn't exist.

I agree.

I think that's the point. And I'm just thinking this through quickly as I type, that none of us are perfect. If we can accept that then we're more able to accept others and love them for what they are, perfectly imperfect.

Oh I have never thought that I was perfect or God's gift to earth. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws, heck I do. I'm not expecting some Prince Charming, I'm not expecting anyone at all. I'm actually in the north tower watching TiVo.

I respect your opinion Gem. Thanks for the response.

Sarah

mudweiser · Nov 10, 2009, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Clough

I haven't had a one-on-one intimate relationship with someone for a very long time, Sarah. It's something that's not all that important to me. Perhaps it not all that important for you either? Those kinds of relationships do take a tremendous amount of effort, work and maintenance! If I were to be in that kind of relationship, then it would take away from other things that I also feel are very important for me to do in order to realize my full potential as well as helping people in various ways. Those are a couple of reasons that the Roman Catholic Church doesn't allow priests to marry. If a priest had an immediate family because of marrying someone, part of the rationale for not doing that would be because having that sort of immediate family could potentially take away from the duties that the priest would need to have toward the parish that he would be serving.

Very interesting point Clough!

I really enjoyed that part.

Close, intimate relationships, aren't the norm for everyone though. And, you know what? That's okay!

Thanks Clough!

Sarah

mudweiser · Nov 10, 2009, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by Maximilian4073

I'm going to call your bluff on this one. If you truly believed what you said here, you wouldn't care.

What is this supposed to mean? If I truly believed I wouldn't care? Care for what? Opinions? I love hearing other people's prespectives. Some people have such a different view on things it opens my eyes.

The only reason you're able to make these statements is because deep down part of you doesn't believe, or doesn't want to believe, that what you are saying is true.

??

We can't be disappointed about something unless we have expectations for it. In the same vein as Gemini pointing out that relationships are mirrors, what you write here is a chance for you to learn something about yourself. What response are you looking for? What would you hear that would make you feel satisfied at this point? Answer it yourself, and you'll start to learn how you truly feel about it at this point in your life. And answering it yourself won't be easy, as it requires some real cutting through the mind games we play. And I say at this point in your life, because your belief is going to change. Many times.

I have examined myself. I don't have expectations. I'm fine with myself. I don't want to bother being sucked into another hole.

Others have said, relationships are mostly about companionship and sharing a life with them. Well I don't need to wake up next to someone every morning to feel whole. I have many life partners... my friends. They are always there for me, I'm always there for them. Despite our flaws we love each other.

Sarah`

kctiger · Nov 10, 2009, 11:41 AM

Muddy I can sympathize with you a lot on this. While I don't consider relationships in general pointless, I am also not one to rush into one for mere pleasure or sake of companionship. Some people, like yours truly, are just more solitary and don't seek out companionship on a constant basis. I am happy with who I am and if an opportunity presents itself that benefits me (relationship wise), I will take if, but it isn't something I fret about whatsoever.

mudweiser · Nov 10, 2009, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Muddy I can sympathize with you a lot on this. While I don't consider relationships in general pointless, I am also not one to rush into one for mere pleasure or sake of companionship. Some people, like yours truly, are just more solitary and don't seek out companionship on a constant basis. I am happy with who I am and if an opportunity presents itself that benefits me (relationship wise), I will take if, but it isn't something I fret about whatsoever.

:) I enjoyed both of your responses.

Thanks KC.

Sarah

kctiger · Nov 10, 2009, 11:49 AM

I would also like to point out that sometimes we tend to get a bit too psychological on here and analyze things to the point of exhaustion. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make you right or wrong, good or bad, doomed or set up for success. I think one of the absolute hardest things in life to do is to be genuinely satisfied with who you are... to love yourself. Anyone can depend on another for love and affection, but to have enough of that within yourself is something special, so kudos to you.

As Clough stated, there is nothing wrong with people like you and I. You are a good mother, a pretty gal and you have your ideals and attitudes which make you Muddy. Keep it!

Carry on... :cool:

mudweiser · Nov 10, 2009, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I would also like to point out that sometimes we tend to get a bit too psychological on here and analyze things to the point of exhaustion.

Ohh sweet baby Jesus yes.

Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make you right or wrong, good or bad, doomed or set up for success. I think one of the absolute hardest things in life to do is to be genuinely satisfied with who you are... to love yourself. Anyone can depend on another for love and affection, but to have enough of that within yourself is something special, so kudos to you.

As Clough stated, there is nothing wrong with people like you and I. You are a good mother, a pretty gal and you have your ideals and attitudes which make you Muddy. Keep it!

Carry on... :cool:

I agree.

Glad to know there are people who feel about the same as I do.

I will carry on :)

Thanks for the compliments KC.

Sarah

Cat1864 · Nov 10, 2009, 01:05 PM

Muddy, you are a beautiful young woman with a beautiful young daughter. Your needs and desires today aren't going to be the same tomorrow. As long as you are content and happy with where you are, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or society and the media portray.

Enjoy living your life.

Maximilian4073 · Nov 10, 2009, 01:06 PM

If you'd like me to elaborate on any of the ideas I stated, I will, but it sounds like maybe what I said doesn't speak to you? If so, then discard it if you like. I'll say that I don't think you quite understand what Gemini meant when she spoke of relationships as mirrors. They are reflections, and that doesn't mean they are identical or the same, it means they cast back at us things we cast out (and like mirrors, usually in reverse). The point of this idea is that it's a tool to enable us to learn from our relationships rather than simply experience and repeat them mindlessly. But again, if that doesn't seem relevant to you, then maybe that's not your cup of tea.

The are two statements I'd point out as relevant. First, your suggestion that you don't need to wake up next to someone to feel whole. It's great that you feel this way, but I'd offer that a healthy relationship is not about having to have someone else to make you feel whole. The other is when you say you don't want to bother being sucked into another hole. This suggests to me that this is how you envision a relationship. That's worth examining on your end.

I wish · Nov 10, 2009, 04:36 PM

Try this:

"What's the point of a relationship is you're not willing to face the emotional risk."

We can't predict the future. Who knows if the relationship is going to work out in the end. What matters is that you're willing to give each other a shot to find out. Relationships end when you give up that hope.

J_9 · Nov 10, 2009, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

That'll be 25 dollars for the reading.

He actually only needs 25 cents to make up for the quarter his son swallowed. :eek: