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lalou87 · Nov 9, 2009, 06:31 PM

Hi there,
This is my very first post ever and I have tried to get advice from my family and friends but I need to turn to a more refined and expert answer. Here it goes. I have been dating a man for the past 3 1/2 years and have been by his side through all of it. And by being there by him I mean that he is in and out of the hospital all the time because he has cystic fibrosis. A genetic disease where there is no cure for it and can be terminal. We have been going through a rocky point for the last year and everything came to a halt last week. He was visited in the hospital(he just had a pretty big hernia repair) by his estranged biological father 2 weeks ago and he told him a childhood friend killed himself the day before. This friend also had C.F. (cystic fibrosis) this is the 3 friend to die of his this year. He said he need space and went into a deep depression and shut himself out from me. I like to try and be there and help but he didn't want my help. So I tried to give him his space and then on wed night he said he needed a break from me and didn't know if he sees me in his future. When I started the crying out came the mean remarks and him lashing out at me like saying, "he doesnt see himself marrying me in the future..." just really mean things. I don't believe there are such things as "breaks." I feel like they are just a prolonged process of a break-up... where one person is with a broken heart trying to grab on to false hopes, and the other, the other has no cares... I want to keep hoping and waiting for him to snap out of it wishing he will want me again in the end. I know he still loves me and I want him; I want to be with him and only him. Im scared that I will keep waiting and then he will come to me and tell me that he doesn't want to get back together. Should I wait it out and risk being in more heart ace and pain or give up on the hope all together?? Im a person who is always trying to be optimistic but this time I feel so lost.

Thank you very much,
Sad and confused Kay

Medic Hicks · Nov 9, 2009, 07:44 PM

Hello How are you? I'm Scotty Hicks Allow me to answer your Question. I am a RN getting ready to go back to medical school to become a MD. I am taking care of my grandmother and mother right now because of their illnesses. But on to your question.
The answer you are looking for will not be fount on this web site but with in yourself. You must ask yourself these questions, Do I love this man, Am I ready to accept that his illness might never be gone, and Can you live happy with him knowing the limitations of your boy friend's or husbands illness.

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bjohnrupp · Nov 9, 2009, 08:30 PM

Hey Kay... sorry to hear of your situation. Time to start no contact. I know this is not what you want to hear but you have to. Otherwise you will prolong the pain/agony. He told you what he wants so respect him and move on.

I know you love him but set him free. If you and him are meant to be he will come back to you. Don't sit around hoping/pining for him to come back- move on with your life without him in it. Don't answer any texts/emails/phone calls and delete him from your Facebook. Hope this helps. Good luck!

sprtrmpcnsltng · Nov 9, 2009, 08:40 PM

Hello I am supertramp consulting, a professional solutions company. I can speak from his point of view having had 8 heart surgeries in my lifetime, as well as living with Rheumetoid Arthritis I can speak from the experience of living in pain.

He probably doesn't see you, because he doesn't know how to see himself in the future. He may be focusing just on the pain in life not the pleasure.
IF he feels he can't provide for you or care for you he may be feeling demasculated.

He may also need some time and space to refocus on how to find a purpose again in life.

Ask more questions, decide if you want to love him as a person whether you are dating or not. This could lead you to still being a caretaker and friend because people with chronic illness need a good support network.

My profession is to assist others with chronic illness how to refocus their life to feel productive and useful to those they love again. Don't know if I am supposed to solicit on here or not, but this is what I do. I can help further if needed.