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sadnlostedddd · Nov 9, 2009, 11:16 AM

I noticed that a lot of the more recent posts have to deal with a girl who has feelings for her ex but is dating someone else. I'm still very young so I don't know if this happens a lot, especially if the girl and her ex's relationship was considerably lengthy, or is it just a coincidence that we are all here on the same forum with the same problem.
Why can't girls make up their minds?
Any thoughts?

redhed35 · Nov 9, 2009, 11:22 AM

Sometimes it does seem like a particuler theme takes over,but it is not the majority of the time...

It is also not just women or girls,guys do it just as much...

Mostly I believe people move on to a new relationship before they are fully healed or over their ex... they have lots of unresolved issues and hurt,and sometimes go back and forth...

Its not fair on anyone... if you found yourself in this situation I would op out and give them plenty of space,or just walk away.

When people are hurt and confused they seek comfort,not all the time,but mostly.

supermannnnnn · Nov 9, 2009, 11:31 AM

IMO, I think it has to do with mental Maturity.

AND

How to overcome or deal with what is going on.

Many people just don't know how to proceed to the next step, whether its to move on, or whether its how to play your cards the right way.

=)

tara1 · Nov 9, 2009, 01:00 PM

I also noticed this!

I think it has to do with running away from your current problems.

Women probably suffer more from this because they (being the weaker sex/ gender bias) do not fully take control of their lives in their own hands. If one does not take responsibility of one's own life, emotions etc. such thinking is bound to arise.

tara1 · Nov 9, 2009, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by superman

I think it has to do with mental Maturity.
AND
How to overcome or deal with what is going on.

Yes.

Originally Posted by redhed35

mostly i believe people move on to a new relationship before they are fully healed or over their ex...they have lots of unresolved issues

Yes! Men and women as intelligent beings want to explain everything and find answers! If you do not take a break after break-up and do that now, you will do that later.

88sunflower · Nov 9, 2009, 01:03 PM

Its hard to break something that had such a large part of your life. Most people don't take the time to heal and understand the reason for the split. To many people are in a hurry to be happy again. Then they realize that ex is still hanging over them like a bad habit not broken.

sadnlostedddd · Nov 9, 2009, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by tara1

I also noticed this!

I think it has to do with running away from your current problems.

Women probably suffer more from this because they (being the weaker sex/ gender bias) do not fully take control of their lives in their own hands. If one does not take responsibility of one's own life, emotions etc., such thinking is bound to arise.

I agree I think that if a woman really wants to break up with a man that she really loves she usually has her mind made but it hurts her so much that she looks for someone else to take her mind off it, and then after that initial honeymoon stage wears off she realizes that she hasn't solved any problems.

I think that if a man is in a similar situation, he's more likely to break all contact, or just go back to the girl.

raquinn · Nov 9, 2009, 01:12 PM

If a girl is still holding onto an ex, it might be because there is something about that ex that they miss that they are missing in the current relationship.

I wish · Nov 9, 2009, 01:28 PM

I think that one of the possible factors is that women are more likely to seek security in a relationship. They felt like they had security with their ex and just wanted it back. I think that many women are more afraid of leaving their comfort zone, so they hang on to what they have or what they had.

I also think that it's possible that men are quicker at grasping the fact that there are plenty of fish in the sea. So they are less likely to want to go back to their ex.

But to play devil's advocate, I would like to point out that the people who came onto this forum is a small sample size. It could be mere coincidence that women are more likely to seek outside advice (such as AMHD) and men (who actually feel the same way as women) choose to rather keep it to themselves. As the saying goes, "Men love to keep their emotions bottled up inside".

But again, there are too many factors to take into consideration, so it's difficult to generalize men and women. I still think it's a case by case basis.